I convinced myself earlier this week that I'd try and get back into the habit of posting here on a regular basis. Yet this morning I found myself uninspired-- what do I have to write about, apart from graduate school applications? My work is consistent and uneventful, my personal hours mundane. I typically spend my time perusing school websites, torturing myself by fantasizing about attending a particular school, living in a particular city, having access to a particular health care package (I'm not kidding).
I've long tried to adhere to the idea that one should hope for the best, yet expect the worst, so I've been trying to convince myself that I won't get into grad school this year. After all, it will hurt less in the long run if I know it's going to happen beforehand, right?
Except, it's not that easy. When I received my first rejection, I was philosophical. The school is number one in the nation for the program to which I applied. I likely lacked the necessary experience, proven publication record, genius-esque test scores. No worries. Still five schools left.
When I received the second, I was sad, but realistic. After all, getting into an Ivy League school is damn near impossible, right? Don't they choose their admits using a dart board? Or pin the tail on the donkey? Or one of those raffle-style drawings? Disappointing, but not too bad, yeah? Still four schools out there that I haven't heard from yet.
But this morning, when I received the third rejection letter, it started to get to me. Going to grad school is something I've wanted to do, thought about, planned for, since my junior year in high school. I made sure I took all the right courses in college necessary for a graduate program in the sciences- physics, organic chemistry, statistics. I studied hard and spent extra time on papers and lab write-ups, to make sure I received the highest possible grades in my classes. I took courses in the arts, anthropology, music, math, and film, to make sure my education had some breadth.
I got to know my professors to facilitate good letters of recommendation. I did independent research, wrote an optional senior thesis, took a year off after undergrad to get additional research experience and outline my goals. I attended research conferences and presented my results. I applied for grants for both my undergraduate research and my proposed graduate study.
I spent months (and around $1000) on the actual application process. I was careful to contact potential graduate advisers beforehand, to express my interests in their studies and inquire whether they were planning on accepting new students. I carefully crafted my statements of purpose for each school, relating concrete yet vague research interests, advisers with whom I wanted to work, and why Such-and-Such University would be a good fit for me.
And now, months later, I'm seeing the fruits of all my labor returned to me, in the form of generic, automatic-response rejection emails that all say pretty much the same thing: thanks for your money, but we don't want you.
I sent emails to my two undergraduate advisers this morning with the news of the first three rejections. I didn't want to spam their inboxes with an email every time I received a letter, so I waited until I could tell them about several schools at once. I received a response almost immediately from one of my advisers. It said, more or less, F*** those schools.
In some ways, I'd love to. I'd love to rant about how they're retarded and how I never really wanted to attend that program anyway. About how it'd be crappy to live in that Big City or in that Yuppie New England town or in that Hippie-ville coastal place. How it's the school's loss, because I'm going to be successful and garner positive attention in my field, and it'll all go to the school that accepts me, and those other schools are just going to miss out, and isn't that too bad for them?
But I can't help but feel now, after three rejections in a row and no contact from the other three to even suggest the possibility that I might be accepted elsewhere, that maybe they were right to not accept me. Maybe I'm not ready for graduate school. Maybe I'm not good enough.
And what the hell am I going to next year if I'm not?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Vicissitude
The past few weeks have been full of ups and downs. One minute I'll be reviewing my applications, thinking of all the things I did right, feeling confident, reading through school websites, and envisioning what my life will be like when I attend grad school this fall. The next, I'll be in a pit of despair, thinking of all the things I did wrong, bemoaning the state of the economy, fretting about the silence of the various programs to which I applied, and trying to accept the fact that I'll have to take the GRE's again, and slog through the whole horrible, tedious application process again this year.
On the one hand, the silence may not be a bad thing... It could mean that I made at least the first cut. I wasn't rejected outright. On the other hand, it could be a bad thing. Most programs hold interviews between mid-January and the first week in March. Having not been contacted by schools, this might mean I won't be invited for interviews. This, in turn, would indicate that I'm not a top pick at any school. Should this be the case, I'll likely be wait-listed, and my position on said wait-list and the decisions made by the top picks will determine my fate.
There's also a chance that programs have already made their admissions decisions, but haven't yet sent out rejection letters. That's the thing about grad schools- they'll inform their admits right away. The rejection letters? Meh... they'll get around to it, eventually.
Further adding to my near-constant state of nervousness is the confidence others have in my chances. My undergraduate professors, my family members, my friends, and the people I work for-- all are convinced I'll be accepted somewhere. Few people realize that meeting requirements doesn't guarantee admission, nor does surpassing them. Good GPA, research experiences, test scores, statements of purpose, and letters of recommendation might get my application to committee, but it doesn't mean that I'll be accepted. In many cases, "fit" is more important than ability. There is no such thing as a "safety school" for graduate admissions. And sometimes, even fitting well and having potential won't get you where you need to be. Sometimes, it really is just a crapshoot.
Especially this year. With large increases in the number of applicants and large decreases in funding, many schools' acceptance rates have dropped below 5%. Brown's graduate school, for example, has seen a 27 percent increase in applications compared to last year. Undergraduates graduating this spring have noted that the state of the economy has made them want to continue their education and avoid the workforce. Many undergraduates are looking to grad school as a way to defer loan payments until the economy sufficiently improves.
Thousands of applicants are competing for graduate school admission in the hopes of avoiding the job market during the economic recession. Most universities, however, have taken hits to their endowments. As a result, they are unable to provide more spots for Ph.D. students, and many schools have been forced to either accept fewer applicants or fund fewer of their admits. Stanford and Northwestern, for example, are planning to reduce class sizes for their incoming Ph.D. students by 5 percent and 8 percent, respectively.
According to an article recently released by Harvard's newspaper, The Crimson:
Many applicants likely had not planned on attending graduate school until this year. Applicants are fearful of the economy and the job market, and view attending (or returning to) school as the most viable option during the recession.
If I don't get accepted this year, it will likely have more to do with odds and bad luck than it will my quality as an applicant or my potential for graduate study. That may just be the most frustrating part of this all-- that I've done nearly everything I could to make myself a successful applicant, yet I may still have to face another year outside of school, another round of the application process, and another fretful season of admissions decisions.
Please, universe, help me out on this one... I could really use a break. Just one acceptance. Just one.
On the one hand, the silence may not be a bad thing... It could mean that I made at least the first cut. I wasn't rejected outright. On the other hand, it could be a bad thing. Most programs hold interviews between mid-January and the first week in March. Having not been contacted by schools, this might mean I won't be invited for interviews. This, in turn, would indicate that I'm not a top pick at any school. Should this be the case, I'll likely be wait-listed, and my position on said wait-list and the decisions made by the top picks will determine my fate.
There's also a chance that programs have already made their admissions decisions, but haven't yet sent out rejection letters. That's the thing about grad schools- they'll inform their admits right away. The rejection letters? Meh... they'll get around to it, eventually.
Further adding to my near-constant state of nervousness is the confidence others have in my chances. My undergraduate professors, my family members, my friends, and the people I work for-- all are convinced I'll be accepted somewhere. Few people realize that meeting requirements doesn't guarantee admission, nor does surpassing them. Good GPA, research experiences, test scores, statements of purpose, and letters of recommendation might get my application to committee, but it doesn't mean that I'll be accepted. In many cases, "fit" is more important than ability. There is no such thing as a "safety school" for graduate admissions. And sometimes, even fitting well and having potential won't get you where you need to be. Sometimes, it really is just a crapshoot.
Especially this year. With large increases in the number of applicants and large decreases in funding, many schools' acceptance rates have dropped below 5%. Brown's graduate school, for example, has seen a 27 percent increase in applications compared to last year. Undergraduates graduating this spring have noted that the state of the economy has made them want to continue their education and avoid the workforce. Many undergraduates are looking to grad school as a way to defer loan payments until the economy sufficiently improves.
Thousands of applicants are competing for graduate school admission in the hopes of avoiding the job market during the economic recession. Most universities, however, have taken hits to their endowments. As a result, they are unable to provide more spots for Ph.D. students, and many schools have been forced to either accept fewer applicants or fund fewer of their admits. Stanford and Northwestern, for example, are planning to reduce class sizes for their incoming Ph.D. students by 5 percent and 8 percent, respectively.
According to an article recently released by Harvard's newspaper, The Crimson:
Ph.D. applications have increased by 16 percent at Northwestern, 7 percent at Michigan, 8 percent at Dartmouth, and 12 percent at Johns Hopkins. Overall applications for graduate study—most of which are for Ph.D.s—are up by 15 percent at Duke, 9 percent at Dartmouth, 5 percent at Stanford, 9 percent at Yale, and 9.5 percent at Princeton, according to deans at those universities.
These increases are dramatically higher than the 3 percent average annual increase in graduate school applications over the last decade, noted in a 2007 report by the Council of Graduate Schools.
Many applicants likely had not planned on attending graduate school until this year. Applicants are fearful of the economy and the job market, and view attending (or returning to) school as the most viable option during the recession.
If I don't get accepted this year, it will likely have more to do with odds and bad luck than it will my quality as an applicant or my potential for graduate study. That may just be the most frustrating part of this all-- that I've done nearly everything I could to make myself a successful applicant, yet I may still have to face another year outside of school, another round of the application process, and another fretful season of admissions decisions.
Please, universe, help me out on this one... I could really use a break. Just one acceptance. Just one.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Top Ten Reasons why I will (or won't) get into Grad School
Top ten reasons I will get into grad school
1. I graduated at the top of my class, with distinction and honors, from a competitive, private liberal arts school.
2. I have received awards and grant money for my work in my chosen field.
3. I have no reason to believe that my recommendation letters were anything but stellar. My professors know me very well.
4. I have good research experience, including a long-term research project I conducted independently that resulted in publishable material.
5. I presented the findings of said research at a national conference.
6. I write well.
7. I applied for the NSF GRFP, showing initiative.
8. I exchanged emails with prospective advisers at each of the schools to which I applied, most of which were encouraging.
9. I had a 3.88 GPA overall, 3.98 GPA in my major, and received good scores on my GRE's (predominately 90th percentile rankings).
10. The schools to which I applied were those with programs that had a great deal of overlap with my research interests.
Top ten reasons I won't get into grad school
1. I have not yet been published.
2. My quantitative GRE score left something to be desired. My subject test score could have been better.
3. I did not call prospective advisers to discuss research interests, nor did I carry email conversations as far as I could have (in some cases). In other words, I didn't push it.
4. I don't have any international research experience.
5. I do not speak a foreign language with fluency.
6. I did not have a professor (or anyone, for that matter) proofread each of my application essays.
7. I applied to six of the most competitive programs in my field in the nation. I did not apply to more than six schools.
8. Though I requested ETS send my GRE scores to all six schools four weeks in advance of the earliest deadline, I did not receive notification from several schools that my scores had been received until after the deadline had passed.
9. The economy is bad. People laid off from work are looking to return to school. Undergraduate students graduating this year do not want to face an impossible job market, and are thus trying to continue their education. Funding has been cut nearly everywhere, resulting in fewer spots for grad school applicants overall.
10. I have not yet been contacted by any of the schools to which I applied. Three of the six held interviews in January.
I am already tired of February. The more I've read this week, the more I've realized that if I'm not contacted by my schools by the middle of February regarding interviews, my chances of being accepted are extremely slim. Essentially, if I don't hear from schools next week, it's unlikely I'll be going to graduate school this year.
1. I graduated at the top of my class, with distinction and honors, from a competitive, private liberal arts school.
2. I have received awards and grant money for my work in my chosen field.
3. I have no reason to believe that my recommendation letters were anything but stellar. My professors know me very well.
4. I have good research experience, including a long-term research project I conducted independently that resulted in publishable material.
5. I presented the findings of said research at a national conference.
6. I write well.
7. I applied for the NSF GRFP, showing initiative.
8. I exchanged emails with prospective advisers at each of the schools to which I applied, most of which were encouraging.
9. I had a 3.88 GPA overall, 3.98 GPA in my major, and received good scores on my GRE's (predominately 90th percentile rankings).
10. The schools to which I applied were those with programs that had a great deal of overlap with my research interests.
Top ten reasons I won't get into grad school
1. I have not yet been published.
2. My quantitative GRE score left something to be desired. My subject test score could have been better.
3. I did not call prospective advisers to discuss research interests, nor did I carry email conversations as far as I could have (in some cases). In other words, I didn't push it.
4. I don't have any international research experience.
5. I do not speak a foreign language with fluency.
6. I did not have a professor (or anyone, for that matter) proofread each of my application essays.
7. I applied to six of the most competitive programs in my field in the nation. I did not apply to more than six schools.
8. Though I requested ETS send my GRE scores to all six schools four weeks in advance of the earliest deadline, I did not receive notification from several schools that my scores had been received until after the deadline had passed.
9. The economy is bad. People laid off from work are looking to return to school. Undergraduate students graduating this year do not want to face an impossible job market, and are thus trying to continue their education. Funding has been cut nearly everywhere, resulting in fewer spots for grad school applicants overall.
10. I have not yet been contacted by any of the schools to which I applied. Three of the six held interviews in January.
I am already tired of February. The more I've read this week, the more I've realized that if I'm not contacted by my schools by the middle of February regarding interviews, my chances of being accepted are extremely slim. Essentially, if I don't hear from schools next week, it's unlikely I'll be going to graduate school this year.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Looking Back, Looking Ahead
Yes, I realize it's the second day of February, and if I really wanted to do things properly I'd have written a "2009: Year in Review" post closer to the beginning of January. But it's not something I've thought about until now, and it's better late than never, right?
2009: A Year in Review
I accomplished a lot in 2009... More than I'd realized until I started thinking about it yesterday. Notably, I:
-Traveled to Belize
-Got my first DSLR
-Finished my thesis
-Took the GREs
-Presented the findings of my thesis at a research conference in California
-Got a job with the BLM
-Graduated from college
-Moved to Wyoming
-Lost both of my pet rats
-Learned radio telemetry
-Visited The Badlands, the Grand Canyon, and Devil's Tower
-Acquired three new pet rats
-Completed my internship with the BLM and moved back home
-Competed in my first rodeo
-Applied to grad school
Overall, 2009 was a pretty good year. A lot happened in the span of 12 months!
So, what about 2010? I'm reluctant to set goals for the coming year. I infrequently set resolutions of any sort around New Year's, because I rarely end up following through with them. And with a troublesome economy, impossible job market, and fierce competition for positions in grad schools, it's likely that, even if I do set goals, I won't be able to accomplish them. Nevertheless, that won't stop me from making a list of things I'd like to do, if I am able.
2010: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis
-Upgrade my DSLR (low priority)
-Get accepted to grad school
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship
-Move to a new city
-Start grad school
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation
-Apply for the NSF GRFP (if I don't get it in April)
-Select an adviser
Of course, the third thing on the list has to happen before the things below it do, and the farther along I go in the process, the more I'm starting to realize the likely possibility that I won't be accepted to any of the schools to which I applied. :( In that case, my 2010 will obviously look a lot different. Right now, that's not really something I want to think about.
2009: A Year in Review
I accomplished a lot in 2009... More than I'd realized until I started thinking about it yesterday. Notably, I:
-Traveled to Belize
-Got my first DSLR
-Finished my thesis
-Took the GREs
-Presented the findings of my thesis at a research conference in California
-Got a job with the BLM
-Graduated from college
-Moved to Wyoming
-Lost both of my pet rats
-Learned radio telemetry
-Visited The Badlands, the Grand Canyon, and Devil's Tower
-Acquired three new pet rats
-Completed my internship with the BLM and moved back home
-Competed in my first rodeo
-Applied to grad school
Overall, 2009 was a pretty good year. A lot happened in the span of 12 months!
So, what about 2010? I'm reluctant to set goals for the coming year. I infrequently set resolutions of any sort around New Year's, because I rarely end up following through with them. And with a troublesome economy, impossible job market, and fierce competition for positions in grad schools, it's likely that, even if I do set goals, I won't be able to accomplish them. Nevertheless, that won't stop me from making a list of things I'd like to do, if I am able.
2010: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis
-Upgrade my DSLR (low priority)
-Get accepted to grad school
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship
-Move to a new city
-Start grad school
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation
-Apply for the NSF GRFP (if I don't get it in April)
-Select an adviser
Of course, the third thing on the list has to happen before the things below it do, and the farther along I go in the process, the more I'm starting to realize the likely possibility that I won't be accepted to any of the schools to which I applied. :( In that case, my 2010 will obviously look a lot different. Right now, that's not really something I want to think about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)