Things have been going well. I've been busy, of course, as always: working, riding Jet, and chipping away at my long pre-move to-do list. As a result, I've had little time for much of anything else. I looked at the calendar this morning and realized the time remaining between now and my move is extremely brief. I still have a lot left to accomplish, but things are running smoothly.
1. I finally got round to editing and reformatting my manuscript. As I expected, it didn't take nearly as long as I'd imagined. I sent it off to Walt, the co-author, and now all I have to do it wait for him to review it and see if he'd like to make any additional changes before we resubmit. This might take a long time, but I'm hoping I can encourage a speedier turn around by playing the "I'm starting grad school soon and want to get this off my plate before I have far too many other things to think about" card. We'll see.
2. My running is going well. I'm up to running for thirty minutes straight! I'm surprised how well the C25K program works. I haven't lost any discernible weight, but I do think I've put on a little muscle and I'm definitely more fit. I don't breathe nearly as heavily (I could actually hold a conversation now, while running), and my breathing and heart rate quickly return to normal after runs. I don't think I'm at a place where I 'love' running. But I certainly don't hate it, and it seems to be good exercise for the time being.
3.I found a place to live. I was lucky enough to score a hit on Craigslist for a studio apartment at a very reasonable price point. The landlord was willing to wait for me to move in to pay a security deposit and first month's rent, so I don't have to worry about losing money in a scam, and I can see the place in person before putting any money down. They agreed to my move-in date and hosting my one remaining rat. The only (potential) issue is that it's about a half-hour commute from campus. It's a shorter commute, mileage-wise, than the one I make now to the ranch. But it will mean additional time and expense. Hopefully it won't be too much of an issue, and it will be worth the commute to have an affordable place to myself. It even might end up being beneficial-- it could help me to maintain a healthy work/life balance if I'm not so close to campus that I feel like I'm there all the time.
4. I'm starting to go through things, paring down on what I have, selling off items I no longer need, and making plans on what to take, what to store, and what to donate. I've already had success selling some bigger ticket items that I no longer use (my first DSLR, for example), so I have a little extra money on hand to put towards moving expenses.
5. I got an iPad! :) A very generous gift from my mother to aid me in my graduate school endeavors. Initially, when the iPad was released, I couldn't see myself ever having a need for one. I have a laptop and a smart phone, and couldn't envision how something that was more than a phone but less than a computer would fit my needs. But after speaking with my aunt and uncle (both professors, and avid iPad users) as well as reading reviews of the device written by current grad students, I decided I needed one, too. It's AWESOME. It will completely replace my need for three-ring binders and loose-leaf paper for note taking, negate the need for printing out thousands of pages in PDF documents and articles every year, help me keep all my files and information organized digitally, and, potentially, help save me a lot of money if I can buy certain textbooks in eBook format. I've had a lot of fun learning how to use it, and I've started to slide back into a more academic mindset, reading articles and doing some research. Apparently, all you have to do to make me more productive is put my work on a toy.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
One, for the money
It turns out that starting graduate school is going to be one of the most expensive things I've ever done. Aside from the money spent on the now-completed application process, I'm looking at a 1,500 mile move to a city where the cost of living is extremely high. Moving my stuff long-distance will require one of two things: either I rent a trailer or moving company to take my furniture from here to there (expensive), or I leave most of my furniture behind to consignment and pick up the essentials at thrift stores after I arrive (slightly less expensive, and easier, but still costly).
The transport itself won't be cheap. Two very long or three slightly shorter days of driving will add up to a lot of gas and at least one hotel stay, as well as the pre-trip maintenance (oil change, tire balance and rotation, brake check, etc.) I really should have done on my vehicle beforehand. There's also a security deposit and first month's rent on a new apartment to think about when I get there.
And what about starting school? I'll need a parking permit to make sure I can park on campus. I'll need to stock up on certain school supplies, including an external hard drive and a printer (two things I did without in undergrad, but cannot put off acquiring before starting my research). Most of the clothes I have are dirty, worn, holey, and sweat-stained from two hard years on the ranch-- I doubt my jeans (with the seats and seams worn out from hours in the saddle) will be appropriate for an academic atmosphere. That's not to mention the costs of textbooks for my classes and the fees I have to pay to the school that aren't covered by my stipend!
Looks as if I'll be picking up some extra hours on the ranch, and tapping into savings...
Yikes!
The transport itself won't be cheap. Two very long or three slightly shorter days of driving will add up to a lot of gas and at least one hotel stay, as well as the pre-trip maintenance (oil change, tire balance and rotation, brake check, etc.) I really should have done on my vehicle beforehand. There's also a security deposit and first month's rent on a new apartment to think about when I get there.
And what about starting school? I'll need a parking permit to make sure I can park on campus. I'll need to stock up on certain school supplies, including an external hard drive and a printer (two things I did without in undergrad, but cannot put off acquiring before starting my research). Most of the clothes I have are dirty, worn, holey, and sweat-stained from two hard years on the ranch-- I doubt my jeans (with the seats and seams worn out from hours in the saddle) will be appropriate for an academic atmosphere. That's not to mention the costs of textbooks for my classes and the fees I have to pay to the school that aren't covered by my stipend!
Looks as if I'll be picking up some extra hours on the ranch, and tapping into savings...
Yikes!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Separation Anxiety
When I was younger, I suffered from an inexplicable fear, a phobia in the truest sense. When friends would get together for sleepovers or school or girl scout trips were planned, I was always excited. I wanted to be included, involved. I would think about how much fun I would have visiting a new place or playing games and staying up late. And, in general, I would have a fantastic time. Until nightfall.
For reasons I still do not understand, as we neared bedtime and I was faced with the thought of sleeping away from home, I was stricken with a completely irrational, yet paralyzing, fear. Although I'd enjoyed myself during the day, and could foresee additional fun the next morning, I could not face the thought of the hours in between. I would suffer a complete breakdown, knowing only overwhelming fear.
There was no consoling me. No amount of rational discussion ("You're safe here," "You'll be home tomorrow," "It's only for a little while") could ease my anxiety. I wanted to be home, and I wanted to be there NOW. My parents had to be called. Often, they had to come get me. There were tears. Uncomfortable hosts. Angry, tired mom. Eventually, it reached the point where I was no longer allowed to even entertain the idea of attending a sleepover, regardless of how much I begged and pleaded. I so badly wanted to go, but it wasn't fair to anyone involved so long as meltdowns were a factor.
None of it made sense. I was an independent child. I wanted to go places and do things on my own. I wanted to explore away from home. I enjoyed going new places and spending time with friends. I wasn't clingy, needy, or particularly reliant. But every time I slept over somewhere, without fail, I would freak.
I eventually outgrew it, although even into my teenage years I suffered from bouts of anxiety when away from home at night. As I grew older, I could rationalize with myself, and convince myself to stick it out until morning. I learned that if I could suffer through an uncomfortable hour or two, I'd eventually fall asleep, and could enjoy myself again in the morning. At some point I realized that the fear had, for the most part, disappeared.
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about my impending move to WCU. On the whole, I'm really excited to make the transition to graduate school. I can't wait to get started. I'm looking forward to meeting my cohort, starting classes, developing a relationship with a new adviser, discovering new research outlets, making new friends, and living in and exploring a new part of the country. WCU is a beautiful place, and I've had fun thinking about hiking and backpacking in the surrounding natural areas. And I'm starting toward my PhD, my long-time academic goal. What could be better than that?
At night, before I fall asleep, I often envision my new life at WCU-- places I'll visit, people I'll meet, potential successes, potential hardships. In my mind, the way things fall out are largely positive. Although I'm admittedly nervous about moving to a new place and becoming a graduate student, I'm looking forward to this next step in my life. I can see good things coming my way.
But occasionally, just before I fall asleep, I'll be struck with a pang of fear reminiscent of a phobia I've long since outgrown. Because as excited I am to go, the thought of leaving my home, a place and the people I love, and the security and familiarity of the life I've built here?
It downright terrifies me.
For reasons I still do not understand, as we neared bedtime and I was faced with the thought of sleeping away from home, I was stricken with a completely irrational, yet paralyzing, fear. Although I'd enjoyed myself during the day, and could foresee additional fun the next morning, I could not face the thought of the hours in between. I would suffer a complete breakdown, knowing only overwhelming fear.
There was no consoling me. No amount of rational discussion ("You're safe here," "You'll be home tomorrow," "It's only for a little while") could ease my anxiety. I wanted to be home, and I wanted to be there NOW. My parents had to be called. Often, they had to come get me. There were tears. Uncomfortable hosts. Angry, tired mom. Eventually, it reached the point where I was no longer allowed to even entertain the idea of attending a sleepover, regardless of how much I begged and pleaded. I so badly wanted to go, but it wasn't fair to anyone involved so long as meltdowns were a factor.
None of it made sense. I was an independent child. I wanted to go places and do things on my own. I wanted to explore away from home. I enjoyed going new places and spending time with friends. I wasn't clingy, needy, or particularly reliant. But every time I slept over somewhere, without fail, I would freak.
I eventually outgrew it, although even into my teenage years I suffered from bouts of anxiety when away from home at night. As I grew older, I could rationalize with myself, and convince myself to stick it out until morning. I learned that if I could suffer through an uncomfortable hour or two, I'd eventually fall asleep, and could enjoy myself again in the morning. At some point I realized that the fear had, for the most part, disappeared.
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about my impending move to WCU. On the whole, I'm really excited to make the transition to graduate school. I can't wait to get started. I'm looking forward to meeting my cohort, starting classes, developing a relationship with a new adviser, discovering new research outlets, making new friends, and living in and exploring a new part of the country. WCU is a beautiful place, and I've had fun thinking about hiking and backpacking in the surrounding natural areas. And I'm starting toward my PhD, my long-time academic goal. What could be better than that?
At night, before I fall asleep, I often envision my new life at WCU-- places I'll visit, people I'll meet, potential successes, potential hardships. In my mind, the way things fall out are largely positive. Although I'm admittedly nervous about moving to a new place and becoming a graduate student, I'm looking forward to this next step in my life. I can see good things coming my way.
But occasionally, just before I fall asleep, I'll be struck with a pang of fear reminiscent of a phobia I've long since outgrown. Because as excited I am to go, the thought of leaving my home, a place and the people I love, and the security and familiarity of the life I've built here?
It downright terrifies me.
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