I probably should have posted something like this in January, when the year is young enough to merit a "year in review" post. But I hardly ever visit or think about this blog anymore, as my academic and personal duties, and commitment to my project's website and blog, are such that I rarely have time for this one anymore. Nevertheless, the urge struck me this afternoon to revisit this, and while I sit around waiting for a 12V battery to charge, I need something to occupy my time.
My goals for 2013 were as follows:
-Survive my fourth semester of grad school. After coming back
from a LONG stint in the field, the thought of being on campus, taking
classes, and TA'ing sounds awful. I'm really not looking forward to the
semester ahead at all. My motivation for grad school is very low right
now.
Done. And my fifth, and my sixth. I DID have very little motivation at the end of my second year. My third year was also difficult-- incredibly time consuming as I was doing fieldwork and had to study and take both my comprehensive and qualifying examinations. Examinations were undeniably stressful, although my qualifying exam at least forced me to write out a dissertation prospectus as a single document, which allowed me to think for the first time about how each piece is linked to one another. And with the help of the NSF GRFP, I no longer had/have to TA, so I was freed from an enormous burden in terms of administrative duties, which has allowed me to focus exclusively on research. Pretty sweet.
-Secure enough funding to continue my big research project. I
started this project this autumn, mostly on shoestring funding I scraped
together from a whole host of sources. But for the work to continue and
sample sizes to be large enough for statistical inference, I'll need a
lot more funding. A LOT. Grant writing looms in my future.
Done. Sort of, at least. This continues to be a work in progress. I schelp along for a few months on one grant and then move to another. I spend a lot of time grant writing. It seems, however, that I might finally have reached a point where I've secured enough funding to complete the research. So I might actually be finished with grant writing for the time being.
-Get the NSF GRFP! This is my last opportunity. I'm hoping I walk away
this year with an award, instead of ANOTHER honorable mention (or, worse
yet, nothing) I won't have to apply again, but I also won't GET to
apply again. Getting the GRF would ease a lot of my worries about my
future fieldwork prospects, as a lot of my research needs to be
conducted away from campus in autumn. It will be very difficult to do
fieldwork if I have to support myself by TA'ing.
Done. I thank my lucky stars that this happened. I honestly don't think about it as much as I probably should, as it's an incredible gift to be freed from TA'ing. I have so much more time now to focus on research, and I honestly could not have put together the research project that I have if I'd been forced to remain on campus most of the year to teach. I spend half my year now in the field. I literally could not do it without the GRF.
-Go to a big conference. I have one in mind. It might conflict with the
time frame during which I need to leave for my fieldwork. But I really
think I should try to go to this one. I may or may not be able to
present. I think I could scrap together a poster presentation of
preliminary results and future prospects for the study. It might be
worth it just for the networking.
Done. I'd actually almost forgotten that I did this last summer, but I did, right before I left for fieldwork. I presented both a talk and a poster about some research I did during the end of my first year in grad school that is unrelated to my dissertation, but has very broad appeal. Both the talk and the poster presentation went fantastically. I love talking to people about my work-- it's hands-down my favorite part of the job, aside from fieldwork-- and I went to the conference with a group of friends, so we had a blast. Much nicer than the last big conference I attended, alone, between college and grad school. I should probably go to another conference this summer, but I'm in the field and not only is it outrageously expensive to travel anywhere from here, it takes multiple days, so I just don't see it happening again any time soon.
-Start doing dog agility with Monster Dog. He's had the freedom of
running wild during my fieldwork for the last five months. He's not
going to be happy when I start disappearing for 6-8 hours a day again.
He's athletic enough to do dog agility, and I think he'd enjoy it, so
we're going to try and find some classes and equipment somewhere nearby.
Done. We started classes in 2013, took a break for fieldwork, and resumed them in early 2014, continuing right up until we left for fieldwork again. He's crazy about it, naturally talented, and we both enjoy it as a break every week from work.
-Keep my CV and website updated. I'm really bad about this.
I could still do a better job at this. I update them both when major events occur (passing exams, new publication, etc.) but otherwise don't even look at them for long stretches of time. My CV in particular could likely use a good overhaul.
-Post two blog updates each week. But... not here. Sorry! My other, non-pseudonymous blog.
Meh... sort of. I'm very good about updating my project website and blog once or twice weekly while in the field, when I have lots of interesting happenings and photos to share. But when I'm not in the field, and am instead on campus, I have hardly anything to say and the blog lags a bit. I've gone a couple months between blog posts, which I don't like, but I think is better in the long run than posting a bunch of trivial pieces or BS that no one will enjoy reading anyway.
-Give at least one additional public talk. I did this last year and felt
pretty good about it. It seems to help a great deal with outreach.
In addition to the talk and poster presentation at the conference last year, I gave three public talks, one during a conference of sorts, one during a wildlife advisory council meeting, and another to the general public. The latter garnered a crowd of over 70 people! I had a blast with that talk. I really enjoyed myself and loved seeing so many people interested in my work. I hope they enjoyed the talk, too! I'm not sure if I'll give another talk this year, as my research is in a weird place right now in between novel start-up data and actually doing meaningful analyses.
Not bad, all in all. Turns out 2013 was a pretty good year for goal completion.
I guess 2014 is already halfway over, but I do have a couple things I'd still like to do.
2014: Stuff I'd like to do
-Finish fieldwork. Should everything go as planned, this will be my last field season. I should be able to collect all the data I need for my dissertation by the end of this field season.
-Make significant progress on the Introduction and Methods section, and preferably some analyses, for one chapter of my dissertation.
-Uh...
Actually, that's all I've got. I'm not sure if it's reasonable to expect to finish my data collection by the end of this year or not, but it's what I'm aiming for. I'm still not sure what this whole "dissertation" thing is supposed to look like, or what it's all about. During my qualifying exam, my committee gave my outlined list of projects and chapters the 'okay', but I'm still not entirely sure they'll be satisfied with the final document. Right now it's looking like it will be a series of four discrete papers, tied together with an intro and conclusion, from three separate projects. But it's difficult to tell at this stage if that's reasonable or not. I feel like I need to be doing analyses NOW to really get the ball rolling, but I also feel like I need to finish data collection before I start in on anything major. For one project, there are some 'test runs' I can make now with data from the last couple years, but I'm also using data from outside sources for this project and it's A HUGE MESS and nearly every time I sit down to try to sort it out to the point where it's usable for my work I end up frustrated to the point of wanting to chuck my computer out the window.
So I'm putting that off as long as possible. :)
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Friday, March 29, 2013
Fourth Time's a Charm! :D
I received notification this morning that I've been awarded the coveted National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship! This is both a surprise and a tremendous relief.
I had a feeling that announcements would be released late last night or early this morning, but when my email inbox was empty this morning, I thought that we might not hear the outcomes until next Friday. A little later in the morning, our department received an email from one of the professors congratulating his student on having received an award. I was SUPER confused. I checked the NSF GRFP website and saw that decisions had already been made and announced. Huh?
Turns out, the email had gone INTO MY SPAM FOLDER. At that point I was bummed. The heading for the email just said, "NSF GRF Program Notification," and nothing was showing in the body of the email. Since we'd already heard from a professor with a successful student, I assumed I'd received another honorable mention, or nothing at all, so when I opened the email and the first line said "Congratulations!" I was surprised. I have to admit that I sat there a second thinking, "This can't be right..."
BUT IT WAS! :D :D :D
I'd been on campus all morning working in our research lab, and I turned to my friend (working next to me) and said, "What!? I got one????"
Then I was shaking a lot and called my mom (who cried) and my undergraduate adviser (who didn't answer, but emailed me excitedly later) and emailed my advisor (who was pretty happy).
And then my productivity was shot to hell and I've been basically doing nothing since. :)
After FOUR application attempts, I am very, very happy to be receiving an award. Each year brought me a little closer to the actual award, but, as this was my last year of eligibility to apply for a GRF, I was concerned that I might go a fourth round without getting the fellowship. In particular, I felt my intellectual merit was slightly less strong than in years past, although I knew my broader impacts were stronger and more concrete.
I received some nice reviews--five "excellent" ratings and one "very good." The "very good" rating was on broader impacts from a reviewer who was concerned that I didn't have explicit plans for working with undergraduates, despite a detailed outline of an outreach program geared towards citizen science and underrepresented high school student groups. Whatever.
I was beginning to be VERY concerned with the outcome of the GRF this year, since my field research occurs during the autumn and my department-provided funding runs only through the end of this semester. I had no idea how I was going to be able to support myself and complete my fieldwork. Now I have solid funding for the next three years. Not only do I not have to worry about TA'ing anymore, but I have extra incentive to finish my degree within 5 years!
:D
I had a feeling that announcements would be released late last night or early this morning, but when my email inbox was empty this morning, I thought that we might not hear the outcomes until next Friday. A little later in the morning, our department received an email from one of the professors congratulating his student on having received an award. I was SUPER confused. I checked the NSF GRFP website and saw that decisions had already been made and announced. Huh?
Turns out, the email had gone INTO MY SPAM FOLDER. At that point I was bummed. The heading for the email just said, "NSF GRF Program Notification," and nothing was showing in the body of the email. Since we'd already heard from a professor with a successful student, I assumed I'd received another honorable mention, or nothing at all, so when I opened the email and the first line said "Congratulations!" I was surprised. I have to admit that I sat there a second thinking, "This can't be right..."
BUT IT WAS! :D :D :D
I'd been on campus all morning working in our research lab, and I turned to my friend (working next to me) and said, "What!? I got one????"
Then I was shaking a lot and called my mom (who cried) and my undergraduate adviser (who didn't answer, but emailed me excitedly later) and emailed my advisor (who was pretty happy).
And then my productivity was shot to hell and I've been basically doing nothing since. :)
After FOUR application attempts, I am very, very happy to be receiving an award. Each year brought me a little closer to the actual award, but, as this was my last year of eligibility to apply for a GRF, I was concerned that I might go a fourth round without getting the fellowship. In particular, I felt my intellectual merit was slightly less strong than in years past, although I knew my broader impacts were stronger and more concrete.
I received some nice reviews--five "excellent" ratings and one "very good." The "very good" rating was on broader impacts from a reviewer who was concerned that I didn't have explicit plans for working with undergraduates, despite a detailed outline of an outreach program geared towards citizen science and underrepresented high school student groups. Whatever.
I was beginning to be VERY concerned with the outcome of the GRF this year, since my field research occurs during the autumn and my department-provided funding runs only through the end of this semester. I had no idea how I was going to be able to support myself and complete my fieldwork. Now I have solid funding for the next three years. Not only do I not have to worry about TA'ing anymore, but I have extra incentive to finish my degree within 5 years!
:D
Sunday, January 6, 2013
2012: Looking back, looking ahead
Happy New Year! Since we're starting the year off, I've decided once again to review the past year's goals and look ahead to the things I'd like to accomplish in 2013.
Last year my goals were relatively straightforward:
2012: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis. Seriously. This needs to happen.
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship. I'm really hoping this is in my cards this year.
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation, or at least get started with something. In the next few weeks, I need to decide what I'm going to do with my summer, so I can get out there and start collecting some data!
-Attend a conference. I don't think I'll have anything to present, but there are a lot of conferences in this area this summer and there are a couple I'd REALLY like to go to.
-Survive my second semester of grad school.
-Explore more of the area around WCU. There is TONS to do out here, and I feel like I've barely seen any of it!
-Date someone. Okay, this is only semi-serious. If I don't find the right guy, I'm not just going to date for the sake of dating. But holy crap I'd really like to have a boyfriend. So why not make it a goal for this year?
-Learn to swing dance. There is a dance center not too far from where I live that gives weekly swing dance lessons. This is something I've wanted to try for a while. I have good rhythm, but lack any semblance of grace. Hopefully learning to dance will help... at least a little?
-Make friends. Okay, okay-- I already have made 'friends' out here, people in my program and the people at the ranch I've been visiting. But they're not good friends. No one out here really knows me that well... yet. So my goal for this year is to solidify some of these friendships. I'm not tied to this area yet. I like it, and I go to school out here, but I don't yet feel a sense of place, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't have those good, solid friendships or relationships out here to draw on. I'm sure this will come with time, so that's why it makes my list of goals for 2012!
So, did I succeed...?
2012: A Year in Review
Sort of. I did not publish the results of my thesis. I am beyond frustrated with this publication now. My co-author, Walt, and I had submitted the manuscript to a mid-tier journal in 2011. It wasn't reviewed until March, but the journal didn't notify us until August! They asked for minor revisions. We did EVERYTHING they asked for and resubmitted well before the deadline. At the beginning of December, they got back to us-- they're NOT accepting the manuscript, despite originally only having minor concerns and asking for limited changes. Neither Walt nor I understand what the deal is with this particular journal. At this point, I still NEED to get these results published, but I really don't want to spend any more time with this manuscript, especially since it's so far removed from what I'm working on now. I think I'll need to set it aside for now and come back to it if I magically have extra free time later on this semester.
I did not get the NSF GRFP. I did apply again. Here's hoping.
I did choose a research topic for my dissertation, had my first field season, and presented the basest of preliminary results at a very small, specialized conference.
I survived the second semester of grad school, but didn't do too much in the way of exploring the area around WCU. I did do one backpacking trip and hiked in a few new areas, but then I left to do field research and was gone for five months. So that didn't help.
I DID date someone. In fact, I went on several different dates with several someones. I haven't found the right person yet, but I'm getting out there, so that's a start.
I did not learn to swing dance. Or dance in any fashion. Once I got a dog, he pretty much started taking up all the time I have allotted for hobbies. I suppose it's a fair trade-off.
My friendships with people in my program have begun to solidify, and I do feel like I have several good friends here now.
2013: Stuff I'd like to do:
-Survive my fourth semester of grad school. After coming back from a LONG stint in the field, the thought of being on campus, taking classes, and TA'ing sounds awful. I'm really not looking forward to the semester ahead at all. My motivation for grad school is very low right now.
-Secure enough funding to continue my big research project. I started this project this autumn, mostly on shoestring funding I scraped together from a whole host of sources. But for the work to continue and sample sizes to be large enough for statistical inference, I'll need a lot more funding. A LOT. Grant writing looms in my future.
-Get the NSF GRFP! This is my last opportunity. I'm hoping I walk away this year with an award, instead of ANOTHER honorable mention (or, worse yet, nothing) I won't have to apply again, but I also won't GET to apply again. Getting the GRF would ease a lot of my worries about my future fieldwork prospects, as a lot of my research needs to be conducted away from campus in autumn. It will be very difficult to do fieldwork if I have to support myself by TA'ing.
-Go to a big conference. I have one in mind. It might conflict with the time frame during which I need to leave for my fieldwork. But I really think I should try to go to this one. I may or may not be able to present. I think I could scrap together a poster presentation of preliminary results and future prospects for the study. It might be worth it just for the networking.
-Start doing dog agility with Monster Dog. He's had the freedom of running wild during my fieldwork for the last five months. He's not going to be happy when I start disappearing for 6-8 hours a day again. He's athletic enough to do dog agility, and I think he'd enjoy it, so we're going to try and find some classes and equipment somewhere nearby.
-Keep my CV and website updated. I'm really bad about this.
-Post two blog updates each week. But... not here. Sorry! My other, non-pseudonymous blog.
-Give at least one additional public talk. I did this last year and felt pretty good about it. It seems to help a great deal with outreach.
Part of me feels as if I should have a few additional personal goals in there, but I honestly can't think of any right now. I just want this next semester to go smoothly, and not to have to worry too much about funding (both personal and research expenses) in the future.
Last year my goals were relatively straightforward:
2012: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis. Seriously. This needs to happen.
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship. I'm really hoping this is in my cards this year.
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation, or at least get started with something. In the next few weeks, I need to decide what I'm going to do with my summer, so I can get out there and start collecting some data!
-Attend a conference. I don't think I'll have anything to present, but there are a lot of conferences in this area this summer and there are a couple I'd REALLY like to go to.
-Survive my second semester of grad school.
-Explore more of the area around WCU. There is TONS to do out here, and I feel like I've barely seen any of it!
-Date someone. Okay, this is only semi-serious. If I don't find the right guy, I'm not just going to date for the sake of dating. But holy crap I'd really like to have a boyfriend. So why not make it a goal for this year?
-Learn to swing dance. There is a dance center not too far from where I live that gives weekly swing dance lessons. This is something I've wanted to try for a while. I have good rhythm, but lack any semblance of grace. Hopefully learning to dance will help... at least a little?
-Make friends. Okay, okay-- I already have made 'friends' out here, people in my program and the people at the ranch I've been visiting. But they're not good friends. No one out here really knows me that well... yet. So my goal for this year is to solidify some of these friendships. I'm not tied to this area yet. I like it, and I go to school out here, but I don't yet feel a sense of place, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't have those good, solid friendships or relationships out here to draw on. I'm sure this will come with time, so that's why it makes my list of goals for 2012!
So, did I succeed...?
2012: A Year in Review
Sort of. I did not publish the results of my thesis. I am beyond frustrated with this publication now. My co-author, Walt, and I had submitted the manuscript to a mid-tier journal in 2011. It wasn't reviewed until March, but the journal didn't notify us until August! They asked for minor revisions. We did EVERYTHING they asked for and resubmitted well before the deadline. At the beginning of December, they got back to us-- they're NOT accepting the manuscript, despite originally only having minor concerns and asking for limited changes. Neither Walt nor I understand what the deal is with this particular journal. At this point, I still NEED to get these results published, but I really don't want to spend any more time with this manuscript, especially since it's so far removed from what I'm working on now. I think I'll need to set it aside for now and come back to it if I magically have extra free time later on this semester.
I did not get the NSF GRFP. I did apply again. Here's hoping.
I did choose a research topic for my dissertation, had my first field season, and presented the basest of preliminary results at a very small, specialized conference.
I survived the second semester of grad school, but didn't do too much in the way of exploring the area around WCU. I did do one backpacking trip and hiked in a few new areas, but then I left to do field research and was gone for five months. So that didn't help.
I DID date someone. In fact, I went on several different dates with several someones. I haven't found the right person yet, but I'm getting out there, so that's a start.
I did not learn to swing dance. Or dance in any fashion. Once I got a dog, he pretty much started taking up all the time I have allotted for hobbies. I suppose it's a fair trade-off.
My friendships with people in my program have begun to solidify, and I do feel like I have several good friends here now.
2013: Stuff I'd like to do:
-Survive my fourth semester of grad school. After coming back from a LONG stint in the field, the thought of being on campus, taking classes, and TA'ing sounds awful. I'm really not looking forward to the semester ahead at all. My motivation for grad school is very low right now.
-Secure enough funding to continue my big research project. I started this project this autumn, mostly on shoestring funding I scraped together from a whole host of sources. But for the work to continue and sample sizes to be large enough for statistical inference, I'll need a lot more funding. A LOT. Grant writing looms in my future.
-Get the NSF GRFP! This is my last opportunity. I'm hoping I walk away this year with an award, instead of ANOTHER honorable mention (or, worse yet, nothing) I won't have to apply again, but I also won't GET to apply again. Getting the GRF would ease a lot of my worries about my future fieldwork prospects, as a lot of my research needs to be conducted away from campus in autumn. It will be very difficult to do fieldwork if I have to support myself by TA'ing.
-Go to a big conference. I have one in mind. It might conflict with the time frame during which I need to leave for my fieldwork. But I really think I should try to go to this one. I may or may not be able to present. I think I could scrap together a poster presentation of preliminary results and future prospects for the study. It might be worth it just for the networking.
-Start doing dog agility with Monster Dog. He's had the freedom of running wild during my fieldwork for the last five months. He's not going to be happy when I start disappearing for 6-8 hours a day again. He's athletic enough to do dog agility, and I think he'd enjoy it, so we're going to try and find some classes and equipment somewhere nearby.
-Keep my CV and website updated. I'm really bad about this.
-Post two blog updates each week. But... not here. Sorry! My other, non-pseudonymous blog.
-Give at least one additional public talk. I did this last year and felt pretty good about it. It seems to help a great deal with outreach.
Part of me feels as if I should have a few additional personal goals in there, but I honestly can't think of any right now. I just want this next semester to go smoothly, and not to have to worry too much about funding (both personal and research expenses) in the future.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The NSF GRFP.... Round 4
No, you haven't misread the title of this post. "Round 4" is accurate. It's not referring to the number of drafts I've gone through, or the number of topic changes, either. It's referring to the actual number of times I've now applied for the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship.
Let's recap, shall we?
2010: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2011: Applied, and my application was not reviewed, as one of my references failed to submit a recommendation letter on time. I was working in the field the weeks preceding and following the due date, with no access to the Internet or phone service. Interestingly, this was the year that recommendation letters were due the same day as proposals-- I wonder how many other letter-writers were "thrown" by this change. This was before the NSF included the option to list fourth and fifth "backup" references.
2012: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2013: Applied.
It's a good thing that the NSF doesn't place a limit on number of attempts made by a single applicant. I'm lucky enough that, at the beginning of my second year in graduate school, I'm still eligible for the award. But the thought that this is my last remaining year to apply for the GRF weighed heavily on me as I wrote this year's proposal.
In years past, I have felt confident about my proposals, but less so about my personal statements and research background essays. Reviews from the two occasions on which my proposals were read by the NSF were not terribly helpful, but at least one reviewer in each case suggested strengthening and/or elaborating on proposed outreach activities.
This year, I found that the proposal itself was the most difficult to write. I initially found this strange, as I have an actual dissertation project now, and actual data from an actual field season. I've just finished my first season in the field (which, apart from a couple small snafus, was a resounding success). You'd think that, with real data in hand and at least a broad conceptualization of the way the work will continue, it would be easier to write a stellar proposal. But real data are messy, pilot data aren't necessarily indicative of larger trends (particularly with small sample sizes), and it turns out that trying to condense an actual dissertation project into two pages is far more difficult than trying to condense a potential dissertation topic into a short length.
I ran through eight different approaches, with multiple drafts of three or four of those. The proposal I finally chose to submit was not, in my opinion, the strongest it could have been. I'm still not sure that the flow among background information, hypotheses, and methods is appropriate, and I worry that the broader scientific impacts (the most interesting aspects of the study) will be lost in the minutiae I was forced to include toward intellectual merit. :\
There's no use worrying about it now, though. It's out of my hands, and into the reviewers' (hopefully), and it remains to be seen how they will judge the work.
The one thing I do feel good about? Outreach and broader (societal) impacts. This past year I've begun an outreach/science education project that already has a fairly large following, and wrote a manuscript on the work that was recently accepted to a well-respected journal. My personal statement dealt almost entirely with this process, as well as my plans to continue and improve upon the work. Between that, an additional field season under my belt (one geared toward my dissertation work), and a couple additional presentations, my personal statement and research background essays felt pretty strong. Go figure.
All this has just further illustrated for me the idiosyncratic nature of the GRFP, which I know will only be enhanced by the random draw of reviewers who ultimately read and judge my proposal. If they've had a bad day or have some internal bias against my topic, study system, writing style-- anything-- they may not see fit to rank it highly. If they happen to be specialists in my particular field, they may see the inherent flaws in my proposal, and, again, not see fit to rank it highly. If they are not specialists within my field, and can see the broader merit in the ideas and proposed application and data analysis, perhaps I have a shot at it.
Only time will tell, and I'll find out, again, in late March or April. The past three attempts have taught me not to get my hopes up. I could really use a GRF (as if anyone couldn't!), particularly because my fieldwork needs to take place in autumn, a prime time for teaching assistantships, and not something that will be easy to work around if I don't receive some form of external support.
Will this be my year, finally? Will my fourth go-round prove that I really am a worthy candidate for a GRF? Or will I again get handed an honorable mention (or worse, nothing), and have to walk away knowing that, even after FOUR attempts, I still couldn't pass muster?
Let's recap, shall we?
2010: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2011: Applied, and my application was not reviewed, as one of my references failed to submit a recommendation letter on time. I was working in the field the weeks preceding and following the due date, with no access to the Internet or phone service. Interestingly, this was the year that recommendation letters were due the same day as proposals-- I wonder how many other letter-writers were "thrown" by this change. This was before the NSF included the option to list fourth and fifth "backup" references.
2012: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2013: Applied.
It's a good thing that the NSF doesn't place a limit on number of attempts made by a single applicant. I'm lucky enough that, at the beginning of my second year in graduate school, I'm still eligible for the award. But the thought that this is my last remaining year to apply for the GRF weighed heavily on me as I wrote this year's proposal.
In years past, I have felt confident about my proposals, but less so about my personal statements and research background essays. Reviews from the two occasions on which my proposals were read by the NSF were not terribly helpful, but at least one reviewer in each case suggested strengthening and/or elaborating on proposed outreach activities.
This year, I found that the proposal itself was the most difficult to write. I initially found this strange, as I have an actual dissertation project now, and actual data from an actual field season. I've just finished my first season in the field (which, apart from a couple small snafus, was a resounding success). You'd think that, with real data in hand and at least a broad conceptualization of the way the work will continue, it would be easier to write a stellar proposal. But real data are messy, pilot data aren't necessarily indicative of larger trends (particularly with small sample sizes), and it turns out that trying to condense an actual dissertation project into two pages is far more difficult than trying to condense a potential dissertation topic into a short length.
I ran through eight different approaches, with multiple drafts of three or four of those. The proposal I finally chose to submit was not, in my opinion, the strongest it could have been. I'm still not sure that the flow among background information, hypotheses, and methods is appropriate, and I worry that the broader scientific impacts (the most interesting aspects of the study) will be lost in the minutiae I was forced to include toward intellectual merit. :\
There's no use worrying about it now, though. It's out of my hands, and into the reviewers' (hopefully), and it remains to be seen how they will judge the work.
The one thing I do feel good about? Outreach and broader (societal) impacts. This past year I've begun an outreach/science education project that already has a fairly large following, and wrote a manuscript on the work that was recently accepted to a well-respected journal. My personal statement dealt almost entirely with this process, as well as my plans to continue and improve upon the work. Between that, an additional field season under my belt (one geared toward my dissertation work), and a couple additional presentations, my personal statement and research background essays felt pretty strong. Go figure.
All this has just further illustrated for me the idiosyncratic nature of the GRFP, which I know will only be enhanced by the random draw of reviewers who ultimately read and judge my proposal. If they've had a bad day or have some internal bias against my topic, study system, writing style-- anything-- they may not see fit to rank it highly. If they happen to be specialists in my particular field, they may see the inherent flaws in my proposal, and, again, not see fit to rank it highly. If they are not specialists within my field, and can see the broader merit in the ideas and proposed application and data analysis, perhaps I have a shot at it.
Only time will tell, and I'll find out, again, in late March or April. The past three attempts have taught me not to get my hopes up. I could really use a GRF (as if anyone couldn't!), particularly because my fieldwork needs to take place in autumn, a prime time for teaching assistantships, and not something that will be easy to work around if I don't receive some form of external support.
Will this be my year, finally? Will my fourth go-round prove that I really am a worthy candidate for a GRF? Or will I again get handed an honorable mention (or worse, nothing), and have to walk away knowing that, even after FOUR attempts, I still couldn't pass muster?
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Logistics
The first large field experiment I did by myself was stressful, but in retrospect was easily accomplished. I used my undergraduate adviser, Walt's, connections to set up field sites and get access to information. He provided all the equipment I needed, and handled the necessary permits. I purchased a few things, did the ground work and set-up, and conducted the research myself, but most of the logistics were left to Walt.
I'm learning now just how much effort all those logistics require. I've spent month nurturing contacts and trying to network. I've spoken to countless people on the phone and through email. Permit applications are no joke. Trying to line up equipment and all the bits and pieces that go along with that? A nightmare. Getting permission through the University to do the work? A pain in the butt. Making travel plans, packing everything, trying to anticipate my needs for four months in the field in a relatively remote location? Holy cow. Grant applications to cover the costs of travel, equipment, housing, analyses? Ridiculous.
For a while, it seemed as if every time I'd cross something off my check-list, I'd add two or three additional things. The closer I get to leaving, the more I wonder whether I've really taken care of everything I need to before leaving. It will be difficult, but not impossible, to trouble shoot once I get there, but if I've forgotten or neglected anything major, I'll be in trouble!
I'm learning now just how much effort all those logistics require. I've spent month nurturing contacts and trying to network. I've spoken to countless people on the phone and through email. Permit applications are no joke. Trying to line up equipment and all the bits and pieces that go along with that? A nightmare. Getting permission through the University to do the work? A pain in the butt. Making travel plans, packing everything, trying to anticipate my needs for four months in the field in a relatively remote location? Holy cow. Grant applications to cover the costs of travel, equipment, housing, analyses? Ridiculous.
For a while, it seemed as if every time I'd cross something off my check-list, I'd add two or three additional things. The closer I get to leaving, the more I wonder whether I've really taken care of everything I need to before leaving. It will be difficult, but not impossible, to trouble shoot once I get there, but if I've forgotten or neglected anything major, I'll be in trouble!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Going Solo
When I finally made the decision about where to conduct my pilot study, I never imagined I'd be traveling so far from home, for such a long time. In just a few days, I'll be leaving to head off to Farawayville for four months of fieldwork. Yikes! Four months, and just at the end of my first year of grad school. If things go well, this season should help me complete my PhD program within five years. If things don't go so well, I could be at my PhD for a year longer than anticipated.
This is one of those situations where I wish my adviser, Paul, would provide a bit more... advice. I'm still not quite sure what he thinks about my trip or the questions this pilot study will attempt to answer. I would hope that, if it were a really terrible idea, or if it weren't worth my time, he'd tell me not to go, right?
I've been thinking lately about putting together my advising committee, and trying to get the pieces to fit in terms of both research interests and personalities. I have Paul. He's hands-off, demanding, and realistic. I need to find the best way to complement those traits. I have three other spots to fill. I'd like a cheerleader, or at least someone who is always excited about what I've been learning and encourages me to keep going, even when I'm concerned or feeling low. Maybe a go-to analysis person, too. Someone I can always ask about my data and how to really get the most out of it. Most importantly, I'd like a mentor, whom I can count on for advice and guidance. Paul clearly isn't going to fill that role.
The one thing I've learned about graduate school, and quite possibly the most important lesson from my first year: No one is going to help you with anything.
This is one of those situations where I wish my adviser, Paul, would provide a bit more... advice. I'm still not quite sure what he thinks about my trip or the questions this pilot study will attempt to answer. I would hope that, if it were a really terrible idea, or if it weren't worth my time, he'd tell me not to go, right?
I've been thinking lately about putting together my advising committee, and trying to get the pieces to fit in terms of both research interests and personalities. I have Paul. He's hands-off, demanding, and realistic. I need to find the best way to complement those traits. I have three other spots to fill. I'd like a cheerleader, or at least someone who is always excited about what I've been learning and encourages me to keep going, even when I'm concerned or feeling low. Maybe a go-to analysis person, too. Someone I can always ask about my data and how to really get the most out of it. Most importantly, I'd like a mentor, whom I can count on for advice and guidance. Paul clearly isn't going to fill that role.
The one thing I've learned about graduate school, and quite possibly the most important lesson from my first year: No one is going to help you with anything.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Indulgence
In life, I've always appreciated having something to care for. I loved my pets growing up, and was thrilled to keep pet rats through college and the years afterward. My life has just never seemed complete without a small, furry companion along for the ride.
When the last of my male rats, Rizado, died at the end of January, I planned to hold off on getting new pets for the foreseeable future. At that point, I wasn't sure where I was going to do my fieldwork, or even, as a new TA, whether my schedule could handle a full course load, teaching, grading, and the enormous responsibility of caring for an animal.
So I let it sit. For a while, I was perfectly content with it. I missed the rats, and having a companion, but it was nice in some ways to be able to stay out late or have the freedom to travel for a few days without worrying about the pets needing attention. I live in a small apartment. I work a lot. I'm busy.
Several weeks went by. Winter turned to spring. The weather improved. I was busy, but my TA schedule did leave enough time for other things, when I planned correctly. I missed exercising-- running and being outside, and tried to convince myself to get out more. I made my decisions about fieldwork. I planned for the summer.
One day in early spring, a few weeks before spring break, I was riding the bus to campus. The weather was nice. Trees were starting to bloom. I was thinking about school. And suddenly, as if from nowhere, I was overcome with the sense that something was missing, and thought, I want a dog.
I've wanted a dog for years. Possibly decades. I loved the dog my family had when I was growing up. I was an in-home pet sitter for tens of people from the time I turned 10 until I had a fully-fledged, year-round business as a teenager. I worked at a dog boarding kennel. I volunteered at the animal shelter. I trained my friends' dogs basic commands, and later, the sport of dog agility.
I wanted a dog.
I dismissed the idea, as I had hundreds of times before. Too busy. Not enough space. Not the right time. Too expensive. What a silly idea. Maybe in a couple years, after I've finished classes.
But I couldn't shake it.
I gradually shifted from thinking, wouldn't it be nice to have a dog? to I need one. Turns out the site where I'd chosen to do my fieldwork was more or less dog-friendly. Students working in the area in previous years had brought their own dogs along. My apartment was dog-friendly. It would be safer for me to hike, camp, and travel with a dog. There will never be a 'right time.'
I started looking. Casually at first, and then with increasing seriousness. I looked a hundreds of dogs online. I visited 10 or 20 in person at local shelters. I wanted something active but mellow. I wanted an adult dog, on the smaller side of large. I liked things about them all, but each time, something held me back. Spring break came and went. I visited more dogs, but never made the decision to take one home. This one was nice, but too fearful. This one was confident, but too small. This one probably wouldn't be great with kids. This one wasn't good with other dogs. This one fixated on other animals. This one seemed great, but... not quite right, somehow. Better move on and look at something else.
I got to the point where I started wondering if I really did want a dog, since I couldn't seem to be able to actually pick one. Maybe it wasn't a great idea after all, and my subconscious was telling me so by keeping me from bringing one home. I sent out feeler emails to local shelters. One night, I spotted a particularly cute herding mix nearby. I emailed the organization about him. Could I meet him?
Nope. Sorry-- he'd already been adopted. But if I was interested in a herding mix, what about this guy? A puppy, teenager, really, recently saved from euthanasia at a high-kill county shelter nearby. Picked up as a stray, not claimed or adopted after two weeks. Fearful of some people, loud noises, other dogs. Just neutered. Probably not ready to go to a home yet, but you look like you have a lot of experience so maybe you'll foster him and try him out?
I went to meet him. I don't know what I was thinking. A puppy? Fearful? Not adopted after two weeks? I'd love to say that when I did meet him the skies opened up and sunshine rained down while angel choirs sung beautiful melodies because I'd found the perfect dog. In truth, I liked him, and he looked like he might work, but he was still clearly a puppy. Clumsy, excitable, goofy, still mouthy. However, unlike all the other dogs I'd met with, this time I didn't feel the uncertainty, the sense that something wasn't right, when I met him. Call it intuition, perhaps. I agreed to foster him for a week.
I brought him home. In the car, he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I introduced him to my landlord's dog. He licked her all over, fell into a play bow, and danced around. I brought him to my friend's house, and introduced him to their lab. Same thing. They ran and chased and wrestled for hours. He met people on the street, in my program, at my house. He greeted everyone like a long-lost best friend. He rode in my car. He learned to heel within 15 minutes. He came when I whistled. He laid down underneath the table at a dog-friendly bar with 50 other people and dogs and kids running around at happy hour on the fifth day I had him, like he'd been doing it for years. He relaxed while I was working, went running and hiking and to the dog park, stayed quiet and slept while I was away from the apartment, stayed nearby when let off-leash.
At the end of the week, I emailed the rescue organization. "I would be a fool to give this dog up."
In the weeks since I've had him, he's made friends with everyone I know, and all of their pets. He chases cats, but obeys when told to stay away. He goes nearly everywhere with me. He's crate-trained, and now knows sit, down, stay, come, shake, wave, sit pretty, spin, roll over, play dead, touch, crawl, jump, leave it, quiet, quit, and drop, and is getting ready for basic agility. He's learning to chase a frisbee and retrieve a ball. He'll wait patiently in the car or tied outside while I run errands. He follows me like a shadow.
Best. Decision. Ever.
When the last of my male rats, Rizado, died at the end of January, I planned to hold off on getting new pets for the foreseeable future. At that point, I wasn't sure where I was going to do my fieldwork, or even, as a new TA, whether my schedule could handle a full course load, teaching, grading, and the enormous responsibility of caring for an animal.
So I let it sit. For a while, I was perfectly content with it. I missed the rats, and having a companion, but it was nice in some ways to be able to stay out late or have the freedom to travel for a few days without worrying about the pets needing attention. I live in a small apartment. I work a lot. I'm busy.
Several weeks went by. Winter turned to spring. The weather improved. I was busy, but my TA schedule did leave enough time for other things, when I planned correctly. I missed exercising-- running and being outside, and tried to convince myself to get out more. I made my decisions about fieldwork. I planned for the summer.
One day in early spring, a few weeks before spring break, I was riding the bus to campus. The weather was nice. Trees were starting to bloom. I was thinking about school. And suddenly, as if from nowhere, I was overcome with the sense that something was missing, and thought, I want a dog.
I've wanted a dog for years. Possibly decades. I loved the dog my family had when I was growing up. I was an in-home pet sitter for tens of people from the time I turned 10 until I had a fully-fledged, year-round business as a teenager. I worked at a dog boarding kennel. I volunteered at the animal shelter. I trained my friends' dogs basic commands, and later, the sport of dog agility.
I wanted a dog.
I dismissed the idea, as I had hundreds of times before. Too busy. Not enough space. Not the right time. Too expensive. What a silly idea. Maybe in a couple years, after I've finished classes.
But I couldn't shake it.
I gradually shifted from thinking, wouldn't it be nice to have a dog? to I need one. Turns out the site where I'd chosen to do my fieldwork was more or less dog-friendly. Students working in the area in previous years had brought their own dogs along. My apartment was dog-friendly. It would be safer for me to hike, camp, and travel with a dog. There will never be a 'right time.'
I started looking. Casually at first, and then with increasing seriousness. I looked a hundreds of dogs online. I visited 10 or 20 in person at local shelters. I wanted something active but mellow. I wanted an adult dog, on the smaller side of large. I liked things about them all, but each time, something held me back. Spring break came and went. I visited more dogs, but never made the decision to take one home. This one was nice, but too fearful. This one was confident, but too small. This one probably wouldn't be great with kids. This one wasn't good with other dogs. This one fixated on other animals. This one seemed great, but... not quite right, somehow. Better move on and look at something else.
I got to the point where I started wondering if I really did want a dog, since I couldn't seem to be able to actually pick one. Maybe it wasn't a great idea after all, and my subconscious was telling me so by keeping me from bringing one home. I sent out feeler emails to local shelters. One night, I spotted a particularly cute herding mix nearby. I emailed the organization about him. Could I meet him?
Nope. Sorry-- he'd already been adopted. But if I was interested in a herding mix, what about this guy? A puppy, teenager, really, recently saved from euthanasia at a high-kill county shelter nearby. Picked up as a stray, not claimed or adopted after two weeks. Fearful of some people, loud noises, other dogs. Just neutered. Probably not ready to go to a home yet, but you look like you have a lot of experience so maybe you'll foster him and try him out?
I went to meet him. I don't know what I was thinking. A puppy? Fearful? Not adopted after two weeks? I'd love to say that when I did meet him the skies opened up and sunshine rained down while angel choirs sung beautiful melodies because I'd found the perfect dog. In truth, I liked him, and he looked like he might work, but he was still clearly a puppy. Clumsy, excitable, goofy, still mouthy. However, unlike all the other dogs I'd met with, this time I didn't feel the uncertainty, the sense that something wasn't right, when I met him. Call it intuition, perhaps. I agreed to foster him for a week.
I brought him home. In the car, he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I introduced him to my landlord's dog. He licked her all over, fell into a play bow, and danced around. I brought him to my friend's house, and introduced him to their lab. Same thing. They ran and chased and wrestled for hours. He met people on the street, in my program, at my house. He greeted everyone like a long-lost best friend. He rode in my car. He learned to heel within 15 minutes. He came when I whistled. He laid down underneath the table at a dog-friendly bar with 50 other people and dogs and kids running around at happy hour on the fifth day I had him, like he'd been doing it for years. He relaxed while I was working, went running and hiking and to the dog park, stayed quiet and slept while I was away from the apartment, stayed nearby when let off-leash.
At the end of the week, I emailed the rescue organization. "I would be a fool to give this dog up."
In the weeks since I've had him, he's made friends with everyone I know, and all of their pets. He chases cats, but obeys when told to stay away. He goes nearly everywhere with me. He's crate-trained, and now knows sit, down, stay, come, shake, wave, sit pretty, spin, roll over, play dead, touch, crawl, jump, leave it, quiet, quit, and drop, and is getting ready for basic agility. He's learning to chase a frisbee and retrieve a ball. He'll wait patiently in the car or tied outside while I run errands. He follows me like a shadow.
Best. Decision. Ever.
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