Resubmission

I wrote in September that my undergraduate thesis adviser, Walt, and I had submitted a manuscript for publication. The paper made it to and through review, but we heard back a couple months ago that the journal decided not to accept the article. The reviewers' primary reasoning behind the rejection had to do with the geographic scope of the project. As an undergraduate, my project was necessarily limited by time and funding, so the conclusions I can draw from the research aren't as broad as I (or the particular journal to which I submitted the manuscript) would like them to be. Nonetheless, I received some extremely helpful feedback and a good deal of constructive criticism, so I wasn't particularly disappointed about the rejection. It will be the first of many.

At the time, my adviser was out of the country, and it took me several weeks to get in touch with him after he returned. He is notoriously slow at correspondence, especially when it has to do with publications. He told me point blank once that, since he's received tenure, he feels much less pressure to publish. Once I did get hold of him, he suggested we resubmit, but also told me to pick a journal. Now I'm torn-- do I go for a journal that has a higher impact value but a better audience, or a lesser journal that is more regional and thus may have less of an issue with geographic scope?

Regardless of the journal I ultimately choose, it's time for me to go back, edit, and rewrite. There are several things I can take care of without reformatting the article to meet a specific journal's submission guidelines. But after that I have to pick. At this point, I'm having two problems.

First, I don't feel very confident in choosing the journal myself, or with some aspects of the rewrite. I'd really like the opportunity to meet with Walt and ask him how to approach some of the editing. More than anything, I'd like to discuss with him the feedback we received. I know that editing articles, choosing journals, reformatting, etc. are going to be large aspects of my graduate school life, and that I'll often be going it alone. I'd just like to take the opportunity for some guidance while I have it, especially with someone I know well and trust.

Second, I have lost almost every iota of motivation I ever possessed to revisit this particular research. This was a study I completed three years ago now, and I haven't thought much about it or kept up with other relevant work on the subject since I finished writing my thesis. Lately, I haven't even been reading much in the way of the research I'm interested in now, instead slipping into a lazy pattern of pleasure reading and TV marathons. (None of these things bode well for my return to school in the fall. I should really, really try to reclaim some semblance of an academic mindset.) Even though I know I should be rewriting and resubmitting the article as soon as possible, I keep putting it off.

For any of you out there that may still be following this blog, how do you stay motivated to work on something you've been "finished" with for years? What's the best way to approach working on a paper in which you've (more or less) lost interest?

Cast Party

Last week was Trina's high school graduation. Although she technically 'graduated' at semester, having accrued enough credits to obtain her diploma, she held off getting the award so that she could attend the ceremonies and celebrate with her friends. She took full advantage of the opportunity-- family members came in from out of town and did touristy things (and bombarded the barn with requests for cart rides and horseback lessons); Trina bragged about the amount of money she'd received (everybody from her obscure not-quite-uncle in Colorado to the person Debbie pays to balance her checkbook every week sent something); gradation itself, with all the pomp and circumstance and dressing up and photographs; and to cap the week off, a party held at the house for Trina with at least 50 people in attendance (which I admittedly enjoyed, although I ended up working 14 hours straight that day).

At one point during the party, I found myself chatting with a woman named Irene, who has served as Trina's English tutor during her high school career, much as I've worked with Trina in all her science subjects. We were looking around at all the people in the room and taking note of just how many played some sort of role in helping Trina get through high school. Irene and English, me and science, another woman and math; Marlene, keeping the horses fit and trained; Joe, mucking out stalls and maintaining the grounds every day so each of those 14 horses remains healthy; another woman, Trina's personal trainer. A massage therapist, a nutritionist, a house cleaner, the guy that changes the oil in her car. All the privileges afforded to her by staggering affluence.

We asked ourselves, what kind of person would Trina be had she not had these people around her? How would her personality differ if she had to get up every morning and feed her own animals, clean the horses' stalls, and make sure they were properly exercised every day? How would her high school career have differed if she'd been responsible for taking good notes in class, asking the teacher questions if she didn't understand the material, studying for tests on her own? What would it be like if she had to set her alarm clock and get herself up and ready every morning, clean her own room, exercise on a regular schedule, feed her dog, and do chores around the house?

The sad part about that party was, that although it showed an enormous amount of support in the people around her, it also highlighted just how much she's missing. Because at 18 years of age and having graduated from high school, Trina is no more independent, responsible, determined, goal-oriented, mature, or prepared for college than an average middle school student.

So where Debbie thought she was helping Trina by providing unending support in the form of hordes of people to assist her every need, she's actually done Trina a huge disservice. Trina can do nothing for herself. She possesses neither the self-confidence and independence, nor the will to try. And that's a huge shame, because she's a relatively intelligent kid, and probably could have been headed places, had she just been given some basic responsibility and discipline.

I haven't thought about my own high school graduation in years. Probably not since I actually graduated from high school, which seems as if it were eons ago now. I dug up some old pictures this weekend from that year. I don't remember where I was in a lot of them, and I've long since forgotten the names of a lot of the people I was with. But I do remember that I had goals, and that I was looking forward to the future. I was planning on working full-time over the summer at the job I'd worked part-time all year, and the summer before that. I was going to go biking every day. I was headed to CLAS in the fall. I was going to major in biology, or studio art, or something similarly interesting. I was going to live away from home for the first time and become best friends with my roommate and learn to play a new sport.

I didn't manage to do everything I'd planned (I hardly biked at all that summer, and I ended up disliking my roommate a great deal). But I had a plan. Expectations for the future. Something to work toward.

So sitting at that party with Irene, looking at all the people who have pushed and prodded and dragged and tugged Trina toward success, I think we both realized the same thing. The party, although intended for Trina, was really more for us-- a celebration of our own successes making sure she passed her classes or had horses trained to run fast or had a well-maintained vehicle to drive around. Because although Trina now has a high school diploma for her mom to hang on the wall, we're the ones that made it through high school. Trina may be the headliner, but the cast made the production a success. And with the curtain down and the audience headed home, Trina is left without any aspirations for the future, because she's never had to do anything for herself, so she just doesn't know what it's like.

Although there will still be plenty of people around (at Debbie's will) to push and prod and drag and tug Trina toward whatever might come next, Trina will still be left empty-handed, the person at the center of the party who is-and-yet-isn't the cause for celebration. Everyone needs help sometimes, but it's been shoved down Trina's throat since day one. She's never had the opportunity to try something unassisted. She's never been given a solo act, so she doesn't know how to stand alone.

And I kind of feel sorry for her.

Debut

Despite my misgivings about the sincerity of their offer, Debbie and Trina for once stayed true to their word, and I had my first barrel race with Jet last week. It. Was. AWESOME. It's been such a long time since I've been racing (I think my last race with Belle was at the end of July or early August last year) that I'd almost forgotten how fun it is. And Jet is a blast to ride-- he's much more powerful than Belle, and far faster around the turns.

I was a little nervous about getting him in the gate, as his power tends to get the best of his rider and he occasionally decides it's up to him to do the driving. But Jet and I have been working together long enough now that all he needed was a little reminder from me up front ("Oh. You're still in control. Okay. I'll chill, then.") and he was great. He's a smooth runner, and so, despite my nerves, once we got going I was able to settle in and focus on what I needed to do to keep our turns sharp. With (mostly) good results. I netted my fastest time by far (attributable to his speed rather than anything I did), but I do really need to work on my first barrel and my timing.

Still, improvement comes with practice, and Debbie and Trina have yet (even now) to change their minds, so it looks as if I'll have plenty of time this summer to work on things with him. I know I'll always have to be prepared to lose him unexpectedly, as around here, things change rapidly and with little reason. But I'm slowly becoming more confident that he really will be all mine for the next few months. I already have plans for the coming weekend with him, and a few other jackpot races coming up in the next couple weeks. I'm also starting to envision other fun things for us to do-- trail rides, sorting practices, and maybe some light cattle work now and then.

I've been so happy the past few days, thinking about our first race together, how awesome it felt to be on a much higher-caliber barrel horse than those I've ridden before, and looking forward to racing on a regular basis again. This may very well be my last opportunity for a long while to horseback ride with any regularity, so I plan on making the most of it.

Summer, here I come! And Jet? He's coming with me.

Jet Set

In another strange, yet not entirely unexpected, change of circumstances on the ranch (which occur here rather more often than should be realistic), the proprietors of the business have decided that, since I'm off to graduate school in just four months, I really should have the opportunity to barrel race this summer, if I so choose.

Oh, I most definitely choose.

Just as quickly as Debbie and Marlene decided I could not use Louis (at Trina's whim, of course), they altered their intentions for their other available horses, creating new opportunities for me. Alright, that may not be entirely true. In all actuality, the lease on Jet fell through, and Trina is no longer interested in using Morgan, since she has Durango now, and recently purchased Bud, a futurity horse, with which to work. That leaves two well-bred, competitive western speed horses on the ranch being maintained for performance without actually being used to perform.

The upshot of all that is, this morning Marlene called me into the office and offered me use of both Morgan and Jet for the summer. I credit myself with a great deal of self control for not having laughed aloud at her proposal. Just a few days ago, I had been assured that there was no chance of me using even one of their good performance horses this summer. Now they're offering two?

It seems this time, however, I have reason to be cautiously optimistic. The benefit of them offering me the use of two horses (as opposed to one) is that, should Trina pitch a fit and decide she wants to claim one of them, again, as hers and hers alone, that should still leave one horse remaining for me to use. And I happen to like both horses a great deal, and have no overwhelming preference for one over the other.

I told them I'd start off with Jet. Although he's harder to control than Morgan and requires more finesse in handling, I've been working with him longer and have a better feel for him. Marlene did tell me, however, that even if I do decided to use Jet, there should be no reason why I couldn't race him one week and take Morgan the next, or take Jet to a race and Morgan to a gymkhana, or vice versa.

Jet is also a (somewhat) more secure choice. Although Trina still has lingering interest in riding Jet, the likelihood of him becoming suddenly 'off-limits' to me is smaller than with Morgan. First, they're in the process of attempting to breed Morgan. Assuming the pregnancy takes, although she'll still be able to run for many months, I imagine they'll want to be careful with her, and not push her too hard. Debbie, in particular, will likely become neurotic about her health and physical capabilities.

Second, they will never sell Jet. Marlene is too taken with him-- if they ever decide they don't want him on the ranch, Marlene will make sure she can purchase him. Morgan, on the other hand, will likely be sold at some point. If she does become pregnant they might choose to keep her for a brood mare. Otherwise, she is too solid a horse to be left around jobless. If they can't get her pregnant they'll move her on to another home. It may take months (or even years) for that to happen, but not necessarily. Should the right buyer come along, and the opportunity arises for her to go to a good family that will care for her properly, they would most certainly sell her-- even if it meant breaking a lease with me in the middle of the summer.

So Jet it is, tentatively, although I imagine I'll ask to try them both out at first. Perhaps I'll even trade back and forth for a time, because I really do like the two of them equally. If neither is being used, they should have no qualms with me working them both over the summer. Twice the number of horses should equal twice the opportunity for fun, right?

It is important to note that this could, of course, change immediately in the course of the next week or month (or day). If I've gained anything from this job, it has come in the form of a great deal of flexibility and nearly limitless patience. Which does, occasionally, pay off. I'll have a horse for the summer after all!