Cast Party

Last week was Trina's high school graduation. Although she technically 'graduated' at semester, having accrued enough credits to obtain her diploma, she held off getting the award so that she could attend the ceremonies and celebrate with her friends. She took full advantage of the opportunity-- family members came in from out of town and did touristy things (and bombarded the barn with requests for cart rides and horseback lessons); Trina bragged about the amount of money she'd received (everybody from her obscure not-quite-uncle in Colorado to the person Debbie pays to balance her checkbook every week sent something); gradation itself, with all the pomp and circumstance and dressing up and photographs; and to cap the week off, a party held at the house for Trina with at least 50 people in attendance (which I admittedly enjoyed, although I ended up working 14 hours straight that day).

At one point during the party, I found myself chatting with a woman named Irene, who has served as Trina's English tutor during her high school career, much as I've worked with Trina in all her science subjects. We were looking around at all the people in the room and taking note of just how many played some sort of role in helping Trina get through high school. Irene and English, me and science, another woman and math; Marlene, keeping the horses fit and trained; Joe, mucking out stalls and maintaining the grounds every day so each of those 14 horses remains healthy; another woman, Trina's personal trainer. A massage therapist, a nutritionist, a house cleaner, the guy that changes the oil in her car. All the privileges afforded to her by staggering affluence.

We asked ourselves, what kind of person would Trina be had she not had these people around her? How would her personality differ if she had to get up every morning and feed her own animals, clean the horses' stalls, and make sure they were properly exercised every day? How would her high school career have differed if she'd been responsible for taking good notes in class, asking the teacher questions if she didn't understand the material, studying for tests on her own? What would it be like if she had to set her alarm clock and get herself up and ready every morning, clean her own room, exercise on a regular schedule, feed her dog, and do chores around the house?

The sad part about that party was, that although it showed an enormous amount of support in the people around her, it also highlighted just how much she's missing. Because at 18 years of age and having graduated from high school, Trina is no more independent, responsible, determined, goal-oriented, mature, or prepared for college than an average middle school student.

So where Debbie thought she was helping Trina by providing unending support in the form of hordes of people to assist her every need, she's actually done Trina a huge disservice. Trina can do nothing for herself. She possesses neither the self-confidence and independence, nor the will to try. And that's a huge shame, because she's a relatively intelligent kid, and probably could have been headed places, had she just been given some basic responsibility and discipline.

I haven't thought about my own high school graduation in years. Probably not since I actually graduated from high school, which seems as if it were eons ago now. I dug up some old pictures this weekend from that year. I don't remember where I was in a lot of them, and I've long since forgotten the names of a lot of the people I was with. But I do remember that I had goals, and that I was looking forward to the future. I was planning on working full-time over the summer at the job I'd worked part-time all year, and the summer before that. I was going to go biking every day. I was headed to CLAS in the fall. I was going to major in biology, or studio art, or something similarly interesting. I was going to live away from home for the first time and become best friends with my roommate and learn to play a new sport.

I didn't manage to do everything I'd planned (I hardly biked at all that summer, and I ended up disliking my roommate a great deal). But I had a plan. Expectations for the future. Something to work toward.

So sitting at that party with Irene, looking at all the people who have pushed and prodded and dragged and tugged Trina toward success, I think we both realized the same thing. The party, although intended for Trina, was really more for us-- a celebration of our own successes making sure she passed her classes or had horses trained to run fast or had a well-maintained vehicle to drive around. Because although Trina now has a high school diploma for her mom to hang on the wall, we're the ones that made it through high school. Trina may be the headliner, but the cast made the production a success. And with the curtain down and the audience headed home, Trina is left without any aspirations for the future, because she's never had to do anything for herself, so she just doesn't know what it's like.

Although there will still be plenty of people around (at Debbie's will) to push and prod and drag and tug Trina toward whatever might come next, Trina will still be left empty-handed, the person at the center of the party who is-and-yet-isn't the cause for celebration. Everyone needs help sometimes, but it's been shoved down Trina's throat since day one. She's never had the opportunity to try something unassisted. She's never been given a solo act, so she doesn't know how to stand alone.

And I kind of feel sorry for her.