Sink or Swim

As part of an assignment for one of our first-year core courses, our cohort is responsible for interviewing each faculty member in the department to assimilate information on the types of research they do, the people and organizations with which they collaborate, and how they fit into the structure of the department as a whole (read: we're doing departmental grunt-work).

To try and make this task manageable, we split ourselves into groups and divided the faculty amongst ourselves, so each group only has to interview a handful of the professors in the department. I had the strange experience of interviewing, with one other first-year student, my own adviser. (This wasn't supposed to have happened, but with scheduling issues, it's the way it worked out).

My cohort-mate led the interview, and I transcribed. One of the questions we've been asking is related to each individual faculty member's perceptions on mentoring students, or how they see their role as an adviser. Paul's response to this question was (paraphrased) as follows:

"I wouldn't say I have a mentoring philosophy per say, but in general I'm very hands off-- sink or swim. Not all students are meant to succeed in grad school, and not everyone should be a scientist. If you're not going to make it in grad school, the sooner you get out, the better, so I expect my students to be self-sufficient. The earlier you can act like a scientist, the better off you'll be, and real scientists don't have any strict guidelines or guidance. If the student is doing well, it would probably be annoying for them if I were constantly checking in on their progress. If they aren't doing well, then any hand-holding I do will keep them from developing any motivation towards working out issues on their own."

Yikes!

Let me start of by saying that I completely agree with him. I don't think everyone is cut out to do science, and I also don't believe that grad school is for everyone. I am an extremely independent student as-is, and I would probably get annoyed if my adviser were on my back all the time and constantly checking in on me. However... it did make me a little nervous, the 'sink or swim' part.

Although I do have a decent amount of research experience, I haven't done a master's degree like many of the students here have. I'm not exactly sure yet what this grad school thing is about, except that it involves meeting some course requirements and doing a giant, multifaceted research project over the span of several years. And although I'm more than capable at coming up with my own research questions, what about making contacts with potential collaborators, finding a study site, applying for grants, and general problem-solving? Does he mean that will all be up to me, solo, as well? Because honestly, the thought of doing everything by myself is a little intimidating, and I could really use some guidance in, say, finding a good study area to work in that will be the appropriate size and location to collect the data I need to collect, or determining whether or not the specific method I'm considering is the one most suitable for the analyses I need to do.

I need someone in my corner, someone looking out for me, even if they're not continuously involved in what I'm doing. I expect (and prefer) to be doing things on my own, but I need someone to go to if I'm having trouble or need advice. And I'd like a resource with a better network than my own to be able to help facilitate the contacts I need to get things done. When I spoke with Paul before applying to WCU, he made it clear that he expects his students to be independent, but he made it sound as if he was going to be more involved in the process than he suggested during his interview. And admittedly, some of the things he said did make me wonder about the role he'll end up playing in my graduate school career.

I'm really hoping by 'sink or swim' he meant, 'I'm going to throw you in the deep end, and if you can swim, I'll help you get to shore.'

And on into autumn...

I'm temped to start off by apologizing for not having updated in so long, but to be perfectly honest, this is the first chance I've had since my last post to sit down and spend some time with the blog. They're not kidding when they say grad school is busy. It is!

So far, things are going pretty well. We're midway through the semester now, and although a small part of me feels I should have a good idea about whether or not I like what I'm doing, the larger part says I should reserve judgement for another year or so. That doesn't mean I haven't already formulated some opinions, however.

I like my cohort a lot. Just about everyone is getting along well. They're a group of friendly, knowledgeable people with diverse backgrounds and perspectives, and that makes for a good mix. We're starting to socialize more now and I'm beginning to make friends. We're gradually spending time together outside of school, which has been great. It's so nice to have a social outlet of people my own age group again. And, of course, we share similar interests, which makes conversation easier.

I'm gradually getting used to living here. Generally, it's a pretty nice place. There is a lot going on (a lot of weekend activities, for example), good hiking/natural areas nearby, and the campus is nice. There is also a pretty good alternative transportation infrastructure, so I've been able to get around on my bike pretty easily. This has been great. In MHT, it's just about impossible to bike or bus anywhere. Out here, I ride my bike back and forth to campus every day, and often ride my bike to run errands or visit people's houses. I've only filled up my car with gas once since I've been here, which is fantastic, because gas is outrageously expensive out here.

Gas isn't the only thing that's pricey-- housing costs, utilities, food, clothing, you name it. I have yet to see an item for purchase that is lower (or even comparable, in some cases) in cost to the same item back home. It's been a real shock, and is probably the one thing I'm really having trouble getting used to. Things I would have bought without thinking about it MHT, I now have to give careful consideration, especially with my limited grad student budget. I've gone from buying a nice assortment of mostly healthy foods to a limited selection of cheap foods. Probably not ideal for my physical well-being, but there just isn't any way for me to afford the stuff I'd like to be eating. And eating out, movies, new clothes, and other incidental expenditures? Forget about it. I'm going to be stretching my budget as is every month just paying the bills.

Weather has been another interesting consideration. Back home, the weather is starting to dip toward winter, with chilly mornings and evenings and some light freezing overnight. Here, the weather has stayed pretty consistent. It's not really cold, ever. But it rains. A lot. All day long. And that has been a little strange. I'm starting to wonder how much rain we'll get here during the winter.

Classes haven't been too bad. There is a tremendous amount of required reading for the core courses I'm taking for the program, and in some ways that's been frustrating because it takes a lot of time away from me reading the stuff I'm actually interested in (e.g. reading that is relevant to my research interests, and that may help me start working on research projects for this summer and beyond). Only a couple of classes I'm taking right now feel applicable to my research, and I almost feel as if school is starting to get in the way of my education. I need to strike a balance between participating in the core courses and having enough time in my schedule to attack my own work-- research ideas, reading, and, of course grant proposals.

It's almost NSF GRFP season again. And yes, I'm going to apply, again. I'm going to use the same proposal that I did last year. This time, however, my adviser will serve as my third academic reference, to replace the reference I still haven't been able to forgive. I've done some minor editing to my proposal, but even a year later with a fresher perspective I continue to feel good about it. I do wish I'd had the opportunity to get feedback from the NSF reviewers, but obviously that didn't happen, so I'm going to have to hope for the best. I'm going to ask Paul (my shiny new graduate adviser) to take a look at it, and hope he might offer some feedback. I might even ask one of my new labmates (another group of people that I really like) to read it over.

Apart from all that, nothing much else has been going on, which I suppose is a good thing considering how busy I've been. I'm working on finding a place to ride out here, as a hobby to get me away from academia every week. I'm looking into a once-weekly job at a consignment barn working sale horses, but I'm not sure yet if it's going to work out. I haven't really been homesick, although I do miss MHT and my friends and family, and Jet (also, snow, affordable food, the ability to participate things that cost money, having expendable income, and good delivery pizza, which I haven't been able to find here yet). It won't be too much longer before Thanksgiving, though, when I'll be making my first trip back home. Time flies!

(*Wow! I just noticed, this is my 100th post! I feel like I should have some sort of celebration...*)