A Matter of Trust

Late last week, I received a terrible email. I read the title and my heart sunk. I literally felt as if I'd swallowed it. I didn't know what to do or what to think. So I stood there, staring at it, reading it again and again, trying to find some loophole or punchline somewhere, or waiting for someone to hop out from behind the door and shout "Gotcha! Just kidding!"

But no one did.

The email was from the National Science Foundation. It said, in short, that one of my references had failed to submit a recommendation letter on my behalf. That as a result, my application was considered incomplete, and will not be considered for the Graduate Research Fellowship.

I trust (trusted?) my references. All three are professors at my undergraduate institution. I had extensive interaction with all three-- coursework, advising, fieldwork, travel. I feel that I know all three pretty well, and that, in turn, they know me.

Before I left for my winter fieldwork at the beginning of November, I contacted all three. I made sure they were still willing to serve as references on my behalf. I sent them each a list of the schools and fellowships to which I was applying, and the deadlines for each. I made sure that, after I'd completed my applications, they'd received links and instructions for submitting each letter to each location. I stressed to each of them that I would be in the field and away from internet access for six weeks, a time period encompassing every single application deadline, and that I would be unable to check to make sure they'd submitted their recommendation letters on time.

That, to me, was perhaps most important. They've served as references for me in the past, and last year had no trouble getting their letters in on time. Had I been here, at home, during November and December, I likely would have checked every few days to see if they'd submitted letters or not, and I certainly would have checked every day leading up to submission deadlines. Especially for the NSF GRFP.

I worked really hard on my NSF application this year. I completely re-wrote my research proposal and personal statement, and made significant changes to my research background essay. I asked for feedback and advice from two of my undergraduate advisers and two potential graduate advisers. I went through three drafts-- something I rarely do. I felt really, really good about that application. And, considering I received an honorable mention last year and was able to incorporate the advice I received from last years' reviewers, I felt I had a good shot at winning one of those illusive fellowships this time round.

All of that gone to waste, because someone I was counting on failed to come through. That, perhaps, is the most frustrating, the most disappointing, part of it all-- that the NSF won't consider my application because of something someone else was supposed to have done. Through no fault of my own.

After I received the email I accessed FastLane to see which of my three references had failed to submit a letter. It hadn't even occurred to me to check FastLane when I got back from my fieldwork stint at the end of December. For one thing, I knew it was too late at that point to do anything about it, and, for another, I'd received emails from several schools about having received recommendation letters, which led me to believe that all three of my references had submitted their letters on time.

I called my former thesis adviser, Walt, and asked for his advice. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation, if there was anything, anything at all, that I could do. And I didn't want to interact with the person who forgot the letter, because I wouldn't even know what to say.

He was shocked to hear that said person hadn't submitted his letter. It is extremely uncharacteristic of him, and, of my three references, he's typically the most reliable. Perhaps something had gone wrong, then? Perhaps the issue was on NSF's end, and not on mine? Walt told me he'd look into and get back to me. Later that day, he sent me a brief email, that said only, "We put a call into NSF. Hang tight."

I really wish he'd been more detailed. Does this mean that the letter in question had been submitted, but had gotten lost somewhere in cyberspace? Does this mean that, maybe, just maybe, it was something the NSF did, and not my reference, that resulted in an incomplete application? Is there any teensy tiny itty bitty measly little squitty chance that the NSF will realize some sort of mistake and reconsider my application? Or is it really just that my reference forgot, didn't submit on time, and I'll be left to deal with the implications, and the idea that all the work I put into my application this year will be for nothing, and that my application won't even be reviewed?

I hope I hear back from them soon. I just want to know, one way or the other. But right now, it really does look as if I won't even have a shot at the NSF GRF this year. And there's nothing I can do, or could have done, about it.

What a great way to start off in 2011, eh?

EDIT: It's official. NSF returned my reference's inquiries. They will not consider my application this year. *heavy sigh*