I probably should have posted something like this in January, when the year is young enough to merit a "year in review" post. But I hardly ever visit or think about this blog anymore, as my academic and personal duties, and commitment to my project's website and blog, are such that I rarely have time for this one anymore. Nevertheless, the urge struck me this afternoon to revisit this, and while I sit around waiting for a 12V battery to charge, I need something to occupy my time.
My goals for 2013 were as follows:
-Survive my fourth semester of grad school. After coming back
from a LONG stint in the field, the thought of being on campus, taking
classes, and TA'ing sounds awful. I'm really not looking forward to the
semester ahead at all. My motivation for grad school is very low right
now.
Done. And my fifth, and my sixth. I DID have very little motivation at the end of my second year. My third year was also difficult-- incredibly time consuming as I was doing fieldwork and had to study and take both my comprehensive and qualifying examinations. Examinations were undeniably stressful, although my qualifying exam at least forced me to write out a dissertation prospectus as a single document, which allowed me to think for the first time about how each piece is linked to one another. And with the help of the NSF GRFP, I no longer had/have to TA, so I was freed from an enormous burden in terms of administrative duties, which has allowed me to focus exclusively on research. Pretty sweet.
-Secure enough funding to continue my big research project. I
started this project this autumn, mostly on shoestring funding I scraped
together from a whole host of sources. But for the work to continue and
sample sizes to be large enough for statistical inference, I'll need a
lot more funding. A LOT. Grant writing looms in my future.
Done. Sort of, at least. This continues to be a work in progress. I schelp along for a few months on one grant and then move to another. I spend a lot of time grant writing. It seems, however, that I might finally have reached a point where I've secured enough funding to complete the research. So I might actually be finished with grant writing for the time being.
-Get the NSF GRFP! This is my last opportunity. I'm hoping I walk away
this year with an award, instead of ANOTHER honorable mention (or, worse
yet, nothing) I won't have to apply again, but I also won't GET to
apply again. Getting the GRF would ease a lot of my worries about my
future fieldwork prospects, as a lot of my research needs to be
conducted away from campus in autumn. It will be very difficult to do
fieldwork if I have to support myself by TA'ing.
Done. I thank my lucky stars that this happened. I honestly don't think about it as much as I probably should, as it's an incredible gift to be freed from TA'ing. I have so much more time now to focus on research, and I honestly could not have put together the research project that I have if I'd been forced to remain on campus most of the year to teach. I spend half my year now in the field. I literally could not do it without the GRF.
-Go to a big conference. I have one in mind. It might conflict with the
time frame during which I need to leave for my fieldwork. But I really
think I should try to go to this one. I may or may not be able to
present. I think I could scrap together a poster presentation of
preliminary results and future prospects for the study. It might be
worth it just for the networking.
Done. I'd actually almost forgotten that I did this last summer, but I did, right before I left for fieldwork. I presented both a talk and a poster about some research I did during the end of my first year in grad school that is unrelated to my dissertation, but has very broad appeal. Both the talk and the poster presentation went fantastically. I love talking to people about my work-- it's hands-down my favorite part of the job, aside from fieldwork-- and I went to the conference with a group of friends, so we had a blast. Much nicer than the last big conference I attended, alone, between college and grad school. I should probably go to another conference this summer, but I'm in the field and not only is it outrageously expensive to travel anywhere from here, it takes multiple days, so I just don't see it happening again any time soon.
-Start doing dog agility with Monster Dog. He's had the freedom of
running wild during my fieldwork for the last five months. He's not
going to be happy when I start disappearing for 6-8 hours a day again.
He's athletic enough to do dog agility, and I think he'd enjoy it, so
we're going to try and find some classes and equipment somewhere nearby.
Done. We started classes in 2013, took a break for fieldwork, and resumed them in early 2014, continuing right up until we left for fieldwork again. He's crazy about it, naturally talented, and we both enjoy it as a break every week from work.
-Keep my CV and website updated. I'm really bad about this.
I could still do a better job at this. I update them both when major events occur (passing exams, new publication, etc.) but otherwise don't even look at them for long stretches of time. My CV in particular could likely use a good overhaul.
-Post two blog updates each week. But... not here. Sorry! My other, non-pseudonymous blog.
Meh... sort of. I'm very good about updating my project website and blog once or twice weekly while in the field, when I have lots of interesting happenings and photos to share. But when I'm not in the field, and am instead on campus, I have hardly anything to say and the blog lags a bit. I've gone a couple months between blog posts, which I don't like, but I think is better in the long run than posting a bunch of trivial pieces or BS that no one will enjoy reading anyway.
-Give at least one additional public talk. I did this last year and felt
pretty good about it. It seems to help a great deal with outreach.
In addition to the talk and poster presentation at the conference last year, I gave three public talks, one during a conference of sorts, one during a wildlife advisory council meeting, and another to the general public. The latter garnered a crowd of over 70 people! I had a blast with that talk. I really enjoyed myself and loved seeing so many people interested in my work. I hope they enjoyed the talk, too! I'm not sure if I'll give another talk this year, as my research is in a weird place right now in between novel start-up data and actually doing meaningful analyses.
Not bad, all in all. Turns out 2013 was a pretty good year for goal completion.
I guess 2014 is already halfway over, but I do have a couple things I'd still like to do.
2014: Stuff I'd like to do
-Finish fieldwork. Should everything go as planned, this will be my last field season. I should be able to collect all the data I need for my dissertation by the end of this field season.
-Make significant progress on the Introduction and Methods section, and preferably some analyses, for one chapter of my dissertation.
-Uh...
Actually, that's all I've got. I'm not sure if it's reasonable to expect to finish my data collection by the end of this year or not, but it's what I'm aiming for. I'm still not sure what this whole "dissertation" thing is supposed to look like, or what it's all about. During my qualifying exam, my committee gave my outlined list of projects and chapters the 'okay', but I'm still not entirely sure they'll be satisfied with the final document. Right now it's looking like it will be a series of four discrete papers, tied together with an intro and conclusion, from three separate projects. But it's difficult to tell at this stage if that's reasonable or not. I feel like I need to be doing analyses NOW to really get the ball rolling, but I also feel like I need to finish data collection before I start in on anything major. For one project, there are some 'test runs' I can make now with data from the last couple years, but I'm also using data from outside sources for this project and it's A HUGE MESS and nearly every time I sit down to try to sort it out to the point where it's usable for my work I end up frustrated to the point of wanting to chuck my computer out the window.
So I'm putting that off as long as possible. :)
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Friday, March 29, 2013
Fourth Time's a Charm! :D
I received notification this morning that I've been awarded the coveted National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship! This is both a surprise and a tremendous relief.
I had a feeling that announcements would be released late last night or early this morning, but when my email inbox was empty this morning, I thought that we might not hear the outcomes until next Friday. A little later in the morning, our department received an email from one of the professors congratulating his student on having received an award. I was SUPER confused. I checked the NSF GRFP website and saw that decisions had already been made and announced. Huh?
Turns out, the email had gone INTO MY SPAM FOLDER. At that point I was bummed. The heading for the email just said, "NSF GRF Program Notification," and nothing was showing in the body of the email. Since we'd already heard from a professor with a successful student, I assumed I'd received another honorable mention, or nothing at all, so when I opened the email and the first line said "Congratulations!" I was surprised. I have to admit that I sat there a second thinking, "This can't be right..."
BUT IT WAS! :D :D :D
I'd been on campus all morning working in our research lab, and I turned to my friend (working next to me) and said, "What!? I got one????"
Then I was shaking a lot and called my mom (who cried) and my undergraduate adviser (who didn't answer, but emailed me excitedly later) and emailed my advisor (who was pretty happy).
And then my productivity was shot to hell and I've been basically doing nothing since. :)
After FOUR application attempts, I am very, very happy to be receiving an award. Each year brought me a little closer to the actual award, but, as this was my last year of eligibility to apply for a GRF, I was concerned that I might go a fourth round without getting the fellowship. In particular, I felt my intellectual merit was slightly less strong than in years past, although I knew my broader impacts were stronger and more concrete.
I received some nice reviews--five "excellent" ratings and one "very good." The "very good" rating was on broader impacts from a reviewer who was concerned that I didn't have explicit plans for working with undergraduates, despite a detailed outline of an outreach program geared towards citizen science and underrepresented high school student groups. Whatever.
I was beginning to be VERY concerned with the outcome of the GRF this year, since my field research occurs during the autumn and my department-provided funding runs only through the end of this semester. I had no idea how I was going to be able to support myself and complete my fieldwork. Now I have solid funding for the next three years. Not only do I not have to worry about TA'ing anymore, but I have extra incentive to finish my degree within 5 years!
:D
I had a feeling that announcements would be released late last night or early this morning, but when my email inbox was empty this morning, I thought that we might not hear the outcomes until next Friday. A little later in the morning, our department received an email from one of the professors congratulating his student on having received an award. I was SUPER confused. I checked the NSF GRFP website and saw that decisions had already been made and announced. Huh?
Turns out, the email had gone INTO MY SPAM FOLDER. At that point I was bummed. The heading for the email just said, "NSF GRF Program Notification," and nothing was showing in the body of the email. Since we'd already heard from a professor with a successful student, I assumed I'd received another honorable mention, or nothing at all, so when I opened the email and the first line said "Congratulations!" I was surprised. I have to admit that I sat there a second thinking, "This can't be right..."
BUT IT WAS! :D :D :D
I'd been on campus all morning working in our research lab, and I turned to my friend (working next to me) and said, "What!? I got one????"
Then I was shaking a lot and called my mom (who cried) and my undergraduate adviser (who didn't answer, but emailed me excitedly later) and emailed my advisor (who was pretty happy).
And then my productivity was shot to hell and I've been basically doing nothing since. :)
After FOUR application attempts, I am very, very happy to be receiving an award. Each year brought me a little closer to the actual award, but, as this was my last year of eligibility to apply for a GRF, I was concerned that I might go a fourth round without getting the fellowship. In particular, I felt my intellectual merit was slightly less strong than in years past, although I knew my broader impacts were stronger and more concrete.
I received some nice reviews--five "excellent" ratings and one "very good." The "very good" rating was on broader impacts from a reviewer who was concerned that I didn't have explicit plans for working with undergraduates, despite a detailed outline of an outreach program geared towards citizen science and underrepresented high school student groups. Whatever.
I was beginning to be VERY concerned with the outcome of the GRF this year, since my field research occurs during the autumn and my department-provided funding runs only through the end of this semester. I had no idea how I was going to be able to support myself and complete my fieldwork. Now I have solid funding for the next three years. Not only do I not have to worry about TA'ing anymore, but I have extra incentive to finish my degree within 5 years!
:D
Sunday, January 6, 2013
2012: Looking back, looking ahead
Happy New Year! Since we're starting the year off, I've decided once again to review the past year's goals and look ahead to the things I'd like to accomplish in 2013.
Last year my goals were relatively straightforward:
2012: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis. Seriously. This needs to happen.
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship. I'm really hoping this is in my cards this year.
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation, or at least get started with something. In the next few weeks, I need to decide what I'm going to do with my summer, so I can get out there and start collecting some data!
-Attend a conference. I don't think I'll have anything to present, but there are a lot of conferences in this area this summer and there are a couple I'd REALLY like to go to.
-Survive my second semester of grad school.
-Explore more of the area around WCU. There is TONS to do out here, and I feel like I've barely seen any of it!
-Date someone. Okay, this is only semi-serious. If I don't find the right guy, I'm not just going to date for the sake of dating. But holy crap I'd really like to have a boyfriend. So why not make it a goal for this year?
-Learn to swing dance. There is a dance center not too far from where I live that gives weekly swing dance lessons. This is something I've wanted to try for a while. I have good rhythm, but lack any semblance of grace. Hopefully learning to dance will help... at least a little?
-Make friends. Okay, okay-- I already have made 'friends' out here, people in my program and the people at the ranch I've been visiting. But they're not good friends. No one out here really knows me that well... yet. So my goal for this year is to solidify some of these friendships. I'm not tied to this area yet. I like it, and I go to school out here, but I don't yet feel a sense of place, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't have those good, solid friendships or relationships out here to draw on. I'm sure this will come with time, so that's why it makes my list of goals for 2012!
So, did I succeed...?
2012: A Year in Review
Sort of. I did not publish the results of my thesis. I am beyond frustrated with this publication now. My co-author, Walt, and I had submitted the manuscript to a mid-tier journal in 2011. It wasn't reviewed until March, but the journal didn't notify us until August! They asked for minor revisions. We did EVERYTHING they asked for and resubmitted well before the deadline. At the beginning of December, they got back to us-- they're NOT accepting the manuscript, despite originally only having minor concerns and asking for limited changes. Neither Walt nor I understand what the deal is with this particular journal. At this point, I still NEED to get these results published, but I really don't want to spend any more time with this manuscript, especially since it's so far removed from what I'm working on now. I think I'll need to set it aside for now and come back to it if I magically have extra free time later on this semester.
I did not get the NSF GRFP. I did apply again. Here's hoping.
I did choose a research topic for my dissertation, had my first field season, and presented the basest of preliminary results at a very small, specialized conference.
I survived the second semester of grad school, but didn't do too much in the way of exploring the area around WCU. I did do one backpacking trip and hiked in a few new areas, but then I left to do field research and was gone for five months. So that didn't help.
I DID date someone. In fact, I went on several different dates with several someones. I haven't found the right person yet, but I'm getting out there, so that's a start.
I did not learn to swing dance. Or dance in any fashion. Once I got a dog, he pretty much started taking up all the time I have allotted for hobbies. I suppose it's a fair trade-off.
My friendships with people in my program have begun to solidify, and I do feel like I have several good friends here now.
2013: Stuff I'd like to do:
-Survive my fourth semester of grad school. After coming back from a LONG stint in the field, the thought of being on campus, taking classes, and TA'ing sounds awful. I'm really not looking forward to the semester ahead at all. My motivation for grad school is very low right now.
-Secure enough funding to continue my big research project. I started this project this autumn, mostly on shoestring funding I scraped together from a whole host of sources. But for the work to continue and sample sizes to be large enough for statistical inference, I'll need a lot more funding. A LOT. Grant writing looms in my future.
-Get the NSF GRFP! This is my last opportunity. I'm hoping I walk away this year with an award, instead of ANOTHER honorable mention (or, worse yet, nothing) I won't have to apply again, but I also won't GET to apply again. Getting the GRF would ease a lot of my worries about my future fieldwork prospects, as a lot of my research needs to be conducted away from campus in autumn. It will be very difficult to do fieldwork if I have to support myself by TA'ing.
-Go to a big conference. I have one in mind. It might conflict with the time frame during which I need to leave for my fieldwork. But I really think I should try to go to this one. I may or may not be able to present. I think I could scrap together a poster presentation of preliminary results and future prospects for the study. It might be worth it just for the networking.
-Start doing dog agility with Monster Dog. He's had the freedom of running wild during my fieldwork for the last five months. He's not going to be happy when I start disappearing for 6-8 hours a day again. He's athletic enough to do dog agility, and I think he'd enjoy it, so we're going to try and find some classes and equipment somewhere nearby.
-Keep my CV and website updated. I'm really bad about this.
-Post two blog updates each week. But... not here. Sorry! My other, non-pseudonymous blog.
-Give at least one additional public talk. I did this last year and felt pretty good about it. It seems to help a great deal with outreach.
Part of me feels as if I should have a few additional personal goals in there, but I honestly can't think of any right now. I just want this next semester to go smoothly, and not to have to worry too much about funding (both personal and research expenses) in the future.
Last year my goals were relatively straightforward:
2012: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis. Seriously. This needs to happen.
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship. I'm really hoping this is in my cards this year.
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation, or at least get started with something. In the next few weeks, I need to decide what I'm going to do with my summer, so I can get out there and start collecting some data!
-Attend a conference. I don't think I'll have anything to present, but there are a lot of conferences in this area this summer and there are a couple I'd REALLY like to go to.
-Survive my second semester of grad school.
-Explore more of the area around WCU. There is TONS to do out here, and I feel like I've barely seen any of it!
-Date someone. Okay, this is only semi-serious. If I don't find the right guy, I'm not just going to date for the sake of dating. But holy crap I'd really like to have a boyfriend. So why not make it a goal for this year?
-Learn to swing dance. There is a dance center not too far from where I live that gives weekly swing dance lessons. This is something I've wanted to try for a while. I have good rhythm, but lack any semblance of grace. Hopefully learning to dance will help... at least a little?
-Make friends. Okay, okay-- I already have made 'friends' out here, people in my program and the people at the ranch I've been visiting. But they're not good friends. No one out here really knows me that well... yet. So my goal for this year is to solidify some of these friendships. I'm not tied to this area yet. I like it, and I go to school out here, but I don't yet feel a sense of place, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't have those good, solid friendships or relationships out here to draw on. I'm sure this will come with time, so that's why it makes my list of goals for 2012!
So, did I succeed...?
2012: A Year in Review
Sort of. I did not publish the results of my thesis. I am beyond frustrated with this publication now. My co-author, Walt, and I had submitted the manuscript to a mid-tier journal in 2011. It wasn't reviewed until March, but the journal didn't notify us until August! They asked for minor revisions. We did EVERYTHING they asked for and resubmitted well before the deadline. At the beginning of December, they got back to us-- they're NOT accepting the manuscript, despite originally only having minor concerns and asking for limited changes. Neither Walt nor I understand what the deal is with this particular journal. At this point, I still NEED to get these results published, but I really don't want to spend any more time with this manuscript, especially since it's so far removed from what I'm working on now. I think I'll need to set it aside for now and come back to it if I magically have extra free time later on this semester.
I did not get the NSF GRFP. I did apply again. Here's hoping.
I did choose a research topic for my dissertation, had my first field season, and presented the basest of preliminary results at a very small, specialized conference.
I survived the second semester of grad school, but didn't do too much in the way of exploring the area around WCU. I did do one backpacking trip and hiked in a few new areas, but then I left to do field research and was gone for five months. So that didn't help.
I DID date someone. In fact, I went on several different dates with several someones. I haven't found the right person yet, but I'm getting out there, so that's a start.
I did not learn to swing dance. Or dance in any fashion. Once I got a dog, he pretty much started taking up all the time I have allotted for hobbies. I suppose it's a fair trade-off.
My friendships with people in my program have begun to solidify, and I do feel like I have several good friends here now.
2013: Stuff I'd like to do:
-Survive my fourth semester of grad school. After coming back from a LONG stint in the field, the thought of being on campus, taking classes, and TA'ing sounds awful. I'm really not looking forward to the semester ahead at all. My motivation for grad school is very low right now.
-Secure enough funding to continue my big research project. I started this project this autumn, mostly on shoestring funding I scraped together from a whole host of sources. But for the work to continue and sample sizes to be large enough for statistical inference, I'll need a lot more funding. A LOT. Grant writing looms in my future.
-Get the NSF GRFP! This is my last opportunity. I'm hoping I walk away this year with an award, instead of ANOTHER honorable mention (or, worse yet, nothing) I won't have to apply again, but I also won't GET to apply again. Getting the GRF would ease a lot of my worries about my future fieldwork prospects, as a lot of my research needs to be conducted away from campus in autumn. It will be very difficult to do fieldwork if I have to support myself by TA'ing.
-Go to a big conference. I have one in mind. It might conflict with the time frame during which I need to leave for my fieldwork. But I really think I should try to go to this one. I may or may not be able to present. I think I could scrap together a poster presentation of preliminary results and future prospects for the study. It might be worth it just for the networking.
-Start doing dog agility with Monster Dog. He's had the freedom of running wild during my fieldwork for the last five months. He's not going to be happy when I start disappearing for 6-8 hours a day again. He's athletic enough to do dog agility, and I think he'd enjoy it, so we're going to try and find some classes and equipment somewhere nearby.
-Keep my CV and website updated. I'm really bad about this.
-Post two blog updates each week. But... not here. Sorry! My other, non-pseudonymous blog.
-Give at least one additional public talk. I did this last year and felt pretty good about it. It seems to help a great deal with outreach.
Part of me feels as if I should have a few additional personal goals in there, but I honestly can't think of any right now. I just want this next semester to go smoothly, and not to have to worry too much about funding (both personal and research expenses) in the future.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The NSF GRFP.... Round 4
No, you haven't misread the title of this post. "Round 4" is accurate. It's not referring to the number of drafts I've gone through, or the number of topic changes, either. It's referring to the actual number of times I've now applied for the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship.
Let's recap, shall we?
2010: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2011: Applied, and my application was not reviewed, as one of my references failed to submit a recommendation letter on time. I was working in the field the weeks preceding and following the due date, with no access to the Internet or phone service. Interestingly, this was the year that recommendation letters were due the same day as proposals-- I wonder how many other letter-writers were "thrown" by this change. This was before the NSF included the option to list fourth and fifth "backup" references.
2012: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2013: Applied.
It's a good thing that the NSF doesn't place a limit on number of attempts made by a single applicant. I'm lucky enough that, at the beginning of my second year in graduate school, I'm still eligible for the award. But the thought that this is my last remaining year to apply for the GRF weighed heavily on me as I wrote this year's proposal.
In years past, I have felt confident about my proposals, but less so about my personal statements and research background essays. Reviews from the two occasions on which my proposals were read by the NSF were not terribly helpful, but at least one reviewer in each case suggested strengthening and/or elaborating on proposed outreach activities.
This year, I found that the proposal itself was the most difficult to write. I initially found this strange, as I have an actual dissertation project now, and actual data from an actual field season. I've just finished my first season in the field (which, apart from a couple small snafus, was a resounding success). You'd think that, with real data in hand and at least a broad conceptualization of the way the work will continue, it would be easier to write a stellar proposal. But real data are messy, pilot data aren't necessarily indicative of larger trends (particularly with small sample sizes), and it turns out that trying to condense an actual dissertation project into two pages is far more difficult than trying to condense a potential dissertation topic into a short length.
I ran through eight different approaches, with multiple drafts of three or four of those. The proposal I finally chose to submit was not, in my opinion, the strongest it could have been. I'm still not sure that the flow among background information, hypotheses, and methods is appropriate, and I worry that the broader scientific impacts (the most interesting aspects of the study) will be lost in the minutiae I was forced to include toward intellectual merit. :\
There's no use worrying about it now, though. It's out of my hands, and into the reviewers' (hopefully), and it remains to be seen how they will judge the work.
The one thing I do feel good about? Outreach and broader (societal) impacts. This past year I've begun an outreach/science education project that already has a fairly large following, and wrote a manuscript on the work that was recently accepted to a well-respected journal. My personal statement dealt almost entirely with this process, as well as my plans to continue and improve upon the work. Between that, an additional field season under my belt (one geared toward my dissertation work), and a couple additional presentations, my personal statement and research background essays felt pretty strong. Go figure.
All this has just further illustrated for me the idiosyncratic nature of the GRFP, which I know will only be enhanced by the random draw of reviewers who ultimately read and judge my proposal. If they've had a bad day or have some internal bias against my topic, study system, writing style-- anything-- they may not see fit to rank it highly. If they happen to be specialists in my particular field, they may see the inherent flaws in my proposal, and, again, not see fit to rank it highly. If they are not specialists within my field, and can see the broader merit in the ideas and proposed application and data analysis, perhaps I have a shot at it.
Only time will tell, and I'll find out, again, in late March or April. The past three attempts have taught me not to get my hopes up. I could really use a GRF (as if anyone couldn't!), particularly because my fieldwork needs to take place in autumn, a prime time for teaching assistantships, and not something that will be easy to work around if I don't receive some form of external support.
Will this be my year, finally? Will my fourth go-round prove that I really am a worthy candidate for a GRF? Or will I again get handed an honorable mention (or worse, nothing), and have to walk away knowing that, even after FOUR attempts, I still couldn't pass muster?
Let's recap, shall we?
2010: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2011: Applied, and my application was not reviewed, as one of my references failed to submit a recommendation letter on time. I was working in the field the weeks preceding and following the due date, with no access to the Internet or phone service. Interestingly, this was the year that recommendation letters were due the same day as proposals-- I wonder how many other letter-writers were "thrown" by this change. This was before the NSF included the option to list fourth and fifth "backup" references.
2012: Applied, and received an honorable mention
2013: Applied.
It's a good thing that the NSF doesn't place a limit on number of attempts made by a single applicant. I'm lucky enough that, at the beginning of my second year in graduate school, I'm still eligible for the award. But the thought that this is my last remaining year to apply for the GRF weighed heavily on me as I wrote this year's proposal.
In years past, I have felt confident about my proposals, but less so about my personal statements and research background essays. Reviews from the two occasions on which my proposals were read by the NSF were not terribly helpful, but at least one reviewer in each case suggested strengthening and/or elaborating on proposed outreach activities.
This year, I found that the proposal itself was the most difficult to write. I initially found this strange, as I have an actual dissertation project now, and actual data from an actual field season. I've just finished my first season in the field (which, apart from a couple small snafus, was a resounding success). You'd think that, with real data in hand and at least a broad conceptualization of the way the work will continue, it would be easier to write a stellar proposal. But real data are messy, pilot data aren't necessarily indicative of larger trends (particularly with small sample sizes), and it turns out that trying to condense an actual dissertation project into two pages is far more difficult than trying to condense a potential dissertation topic into a short length.
I ran through eight different approaches, with multiple drafts of three or four of those. The proposal I finally chose to submit was not, in my opinion, the strongest it could have been. I'm still not sure that the flow among background information, hypotheses, and methods is appropriate, and I worry that the broader scientific impacts (the most interesting aspects of the study) will be lost in the minutiae I was forced to include toward intellectual merit. :\
There's no use worrying about it now, though. It's out of my hands, and into the reviewers' (hopefully), and it remains to be seen how they will judge the work.
The one thing I do feel good about? Outreach and broader (societal) impacts. This past year I've begun an outreach/science education project that already has a fairly large following, and wrote a manuscript on the work that was recently accepted to a well-respected journal. My personal statement dealt almost entirely with this process, as well as my plans to continue and improve upon the work. Between that, an additional field season under my belt (one geared toward my dissertation work), and a couple additional presentations, my personal statement and research background essays felt pretty strong. Go figure.
All this has just further illustrated for me the idiosyncratic nature of the GRFP, which I know will only be enhanced by the random draw of reviewers who ultimately read and judge my proposal. If they've had a bad day or have some internal bias against my topic, study system, writing style-- anything-- they may not see fit to rank it highly. If they happen to be specialists in my particular field, they may see the inherent flaws in my proposal, and, again, not see fit to rank it highly. If they are not specialists within my field, and can see the broader merit in the ideas and proposed application and data analysis, perhaps I have a shot at it.
Only time will tell, and I'll find out, again, in late March or April. The past three attempts have taught me not to get my hopes up. I could really use a GRF (as if anyone couldn't!), particularly because my fieldwork needs to take place in autumn, a prime time for teaching assistantships, and not something that will be easy to work around if I don't receive some form of external support.
Will this be my year, finally? Will my fourth go-round prove that I really am a worthy candidate for a GRF? Or will I again get handed an honorable mention (or worse, nothing), and have to walk away knowing that, even after FOUR attempts, I still couldn't pass muster?
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Logistics
The first large field experiment I did by myself was stressful, but in retrospect was easily accomplished. I used my undergraduate adviser, Walt's, connections to set up field sites and get access to information. He provided all the equipment I needed, and handled the necessary permits. I purchased a few things, did the ground work and set-up, and conducted the research myself, but most of the logistics were left to Walt.
I'm learning now just how much effort all those logistics require. I've spent month nurturing contacts and trying to network. I've spoken to countless people on the phone and through email. Permit applications are no joke. Trying to line up equipment and all the bits and pieces that go along with that? A nightmare. Getting permission through the University to do the work? A pain in the butt. Making travel plans, packing everything, trying to anticipate my needs for four months in the field in a relatively remote location? Holy cow. Grant applications to cover the costs of travel, equipment, housing, analyses? Ridiculous.
For a while, it seemed as if every time I'd cross something off my check-list, I'd add two or three additional things. The closer I get to leaving, the more I wonder whether I've really taken care of everything I need to before leaving. It will be difficult, but not impossible, to trouble shoot once I get there, but if I've forgotten or neglected anything major, I'll be in trouble!
I'm learning now just how much effort all those logistics require. I've spent month nurturing contacts and trying to network. I've spoken to countless people on the phone and through email. Permit applications are no joke. Trying to line up equipment and all the bits and pieces that go along with that? A nightmare. Getting permission through the University to do the work? A pain in the butt. Making travel plans, packing everything, trying to anticipate my needs for four months in the field in a relatively remote location? Holy cow. Grant applications to cover the costs of travel, equipment, housing, analyses? Ridiculous.
For a while, it seemed as if every time I'd cross something off my check-list, I'd add two or three additional things. The closer I get to leaving, the more I wonder whether I've really taken care of everything I need to before leaving. It will be difficult, but not impossible, to trouble shoot once I get there, but if I've forgotten or neglected anything major, I'll be in trouble!
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Going Solo
When I finally made the decision about where to conduct my pilot study, I never imagined I'd be traveling so far from home, for such a long time. In just a few days, I'll be leaving to head off to Farawayville for four months of fieldwork. Yikes! Four months, and just at the end of my first year of grad school. If things go well, this season should help me complete my PhD program within five years. If things don't go so well, I could be at my PhD for a year longer than anticipated.
This is one of those situations where I wish my adviser, Paul, would provide a bit more... advice. I'm still not quite sure what he thinks about my trip or the questions this pilot study will attempt to answer. I would hope that, if it were a really terrible idea, or if it weren't worth my time, he'd tell me not to go, right?
I've been thinking lately about putting together my advising committee, and trying to get the pieces to fit in terms of both research interests and personalities. I have Paul. He's hands-off, demanding, and realistic. I need to find the best way to complement those traits. I have three other spots to fill. I'd like a cheerleader, or at least someone who is always excited about what I've been learning and encourages me to keep going, even when I'm concerned or feeling low. Maybe a go-to analysis person, too. Someone I can always ask about my data and how to really get the most out of it. Most importantly, I'd like a mentor, whom I can count on for advice and guidance. Paul clearly isn't going to fill that role.
The one thing I've learned about graduate school, and quite possibly the most important lesson from my first year: No one is going to help you with anything.
This is one of those situations where I wish my adviser, Paul, would provide a bit more... advice. I'm still not quite sure what he thinks about my trip or the questions this pilot study will attempt to answer. I would hope that, if it were a really terrible idea, or if it weren't worth my time, he'd tell me not to go, right?
I've been thinking lately about putting together my advising committee, and trying to get the pieces to fit in terms of both research interests and personalities. I have Paul. He's hands-off, demanding, and realistic. I need to find the best way to complement those traits. I have three other spots to fill. I'd like a cheerleader, or at least someone who is always excited about what I've been learning and encourages me to keep going, even when I'm concerned or feeling low. Maybe a go-to analysis person, too. Someone I can always ask about my data and how to really get the most out of it. Most importantly, I'd like a mentor, whom I can count on for advice and guidance. Paul clearly isn't going to fill that role.
The one thing I've learned about graduate school, and quite possibly the most important lesson from my first year: No one is going to help you with anything.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Indulgence
In life, I've always appreciated having something to care for. I loved my pets growing up, and was thrilled to keep pet rats through college and the years afterward. My life has just never seemed complete without a small, furry companion along for the ride.
When the last of my male rats, Rizado, died at the end of January, I planned to hold off on getting new pets for the foreseeable future. At that point, I wasn't sure where I was going to do my fieldwork, or even, as a new TA, whether my schedule could handle a full course load, teaching, grading, and the enormous responsibility of caring for an animal.
So I let it sit. For a while, I was perfectly content with it. I missed the rats, and having a companion, but it was nice in some ways to be able to stay out late or have the freedom to travel for a few days without worrying about the pets needing attention. I live in a small apartment. I work a lot. I'm busy.
Several weeks went by. Winter turned to spring. The weather improved. I was busy, but my TA schedule did leave enough time for other things, when I planned correctly. I missed exercising-- running and being outside, and tried to convince myself to get out more. I made my decisions about fieldwork. I planned for the summer.
One day in early spring, a few weeks before spring break, I was riding the bus to campus. The weather was nice. Trees were starting to bloom. I was thinking about school. And suddenly, as if from nowhere, I was overcome with the sense that something was missing, and thought, I want a dog.
I've wanted a dog for years. Possibly decades. I loved the dog my family had when I was growing up. I was an in-home pet sitter for tens of people from the time I turned 10 until I had a fully-fledged, year-round business as a teenager. I worked at a dog boarding kennel. I volunteered at the animal shelter. I trained my friends' dogs basic commands, and later, the sport of dog agility.
I wanted a dog.
I dismissed the idea, as I had hundreds of times before. Too busy. Not enough space. Not the right time. Too expensive. What a silly idea. Maybe in a couple years, after I've finished classes.
But I couldn't shake it.
I gradually shifted from thinking, wouldn't it be nice to have a dog? to I need one. Turns out the site where I'd chosen to do my fieldwork was more or less dog-friendly. Students working in the area in previous years had brought their own dogs along. My apartment was dog-friendly. It would be safer for me to hike, camp, and travel with a dog. There will never be a 'right time.'
I started looking. Casually at first, and then with increasing seriousness. I looked a hundreds of dogs online. I visited 10 or 20 in person at local shelters. I wanted something active but mellow. I wanted an adult dog, on the smaller side of large. I liked things about them all, but each time, something held me back. Spring break came and went. I visited more dogs, but never made the decision to take one home. This one was nice, but too fearful. This one was confident, but too small. This one probably wouldn't be great with kids. This one wasn't good with other dogs. This one fixated on other animals. This one seemed great, but... not quite right, somehow. Better move on and look at something else.
I got to the point where I started wondering if I really did want a dog, since I couldn't seem to be able to actually pick one. Maybe it wasn't a great idea after all, and my subconscious was telling me so by keeping me from bringing one home. I sent out feeler emails to local shelters. One night, I spotted a particularly cute herding mix nearby. I emailed the organization about him. Could I meet him?
Nope. Sorry-- he'd already been adopted. But if I was interested in a herding mix, what about this guy? A puppy, teenager, really, recently saved from euthanasia at a high-kill county shelter nearby. Picked up as a stray, not claimed or adopted after two weeks. Fearful of some people, loud noises, other dogs. Just neutered. Probably not ready to go to a home yet, but you look like you have a lot of experience so maybe you'll foster him and try him out?
I went to meet him. I don't know what I was thinking. A puppy? Fearful? Not adopted after two weeks? I'd love to say that when I did meet him the skies opened up and sunshine rained down while angel choirs sung beautiful melodies because I'd found the perfect dog. In truth, I liked him, and he looked like he might work, but he was still clearly a puppy. Clumsy, excitable, goofy, still mouthy. However, unlike all the other dogs I'd met with, this time I didn't feel the uncertainty, the sense that something wasn't right, when I met him. Call it intuition, perhaps. I agreed to foster him for a week.
I brought him home. In the car, he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I introduced him to my landlord's dog. He licked her all over, fell into a play bow, and danced around. I brought him to my friend's house, and introduced him to their lab. Same thing. They ran and chased and wrestled for hours. He met people on the street, in my program, at my house. He greeted everyone like a long-lost best friend. He rode in my car. He learned to heel within 15 minutes. He came when I whistled. He laid down underneath the table at a dog-friendly bar with 50 other people and dogs and kids running around at happy hour on the fifth day I had him, like he'd been doing it for years. He relaxed while I was working, went running and hiking and to the dog park, stayed quiet and slept while I was away from the apartment, stayed nearby when let off-leash.
At the end of the week, I emailed the rescue organization. "I would be a fool to give this dog up."
In the weeks since I've had him, he's made friends with everyone I know, and all of their pets. He chases cats, but obeys when told to stay away. He goes nearly everywhere with me. He's crate-trained, and now knows sit, down, stay, come, shake, wave, sit pretty, spin, roll over, play dead, touch, crawl, jump, leave it, quiet, quit, and drop, and is getting ready for basic agility. He's learning to chase a frisbee and retrieve a ball. He'll wait patiently in the car or tied outside while I run errands. He follows me like a shadow.
Best. Decision. Ever.
When the last of my male rats, Rizado, died at the end of January, I planned to hold off on getting new pets for the foreseeable future. At that point, I wasn't sure where I was going to do my fieldwork, or even, as a new TA, whether my schedule could handle a full course load, teaching, grading, and the enormous responsibility of caring for an animal.
So I let it sit. For a while, I was perfectly content with it. I missed the rats, and having a companion, but it was nice in some ways to be able to stay out late or have the freedom to travel for a few days without worrying about the pets needing attention. I live in a small apartment. I work a lot. I'm busy.
Several weeks went by. Winter turned to spring. The weather improved. I was busy, but my TA schedule did leave enough time for other things, when I planned correctly. I missed exercising-- running and being outside, and tried to convince myself to get out more. I made my decisions about fieldwork. I planned for the summer.
One day in early spring, a few weeks before spring break, I was riding the bus to campus. The weather was nice. Trees were starting to bloom. I was thinking about school. And suddenly, as if from nowhere, I was overcome with the sense that something was missing, and thought, I want a dog.
I've wanted a dog for years. Possibly decades. I loved the dog my family had when I was growing up. I was an in-home pet sitter for tens of people from the time I turned 10 until I had a fully-fledged, year-round business as a teenager. I worked at a dog boarding kennel. I volunteered at the animal shelter. I trained my friends' dogs basic commands, and later, the sport of dog agility.
I wanted a dog.
I dismissed the idea, as I had hundreds of times before. Too busy. Not enough space. Not the right time. Too expensive. What a silly idea. Maybe in a couple years, after I've finished classes.
But I couldn't shake it.
I gradually shifted from thinking, wouldn't it be nice to have a dog? to I need one. Turns out the site where I'd chosen to do my fieldwork was more or less dog-friendly. Students working in the area in previous years had brought their own dogs along. My apartment was dog-friendly. It would be safer for me to hike, camp, and travel with a dog. There will never be a 'right time.'
I started looking. Casually at first, and then with increasing seriousness. I looked a hundreds of dogs online. I visited 10 or 20 in person at local shelters. I wanted something active but mellow. I wanted an adult dog, on the smaller side of large. I liked things about them all, but each time, something held me back. Spring break came and went. I visited more dogs, but never made the decision to take one home. This one was nice, but too fearful. This one was confident, but too small. This one probably wouldn't be great with kids. This one wasn't good with other dogs. This one fixated on other animals. This one seemed great, but... not quite right, somehow. Better move on and look at something else.
I got to the point where I started wondering if I really did want a dog, since I couldn't seem to be able to actually pick one. Maybe it wasn't a great idea after all, and my subconscious was telling me so by keeping me from bringing one home. I sent out feeler emails to local shelters. One night, I spotted a particularly cute herding mix nearby. I emailed the organization about him. Could I meet him?
Nope. Sorry-- he'd already been adopted. But if I was interested in a herding mix, what about this guy? A puppy, teenager, really, recently saved from euthanasia at a high-kill county shelter nearby. Picked up as a stray, not claimed or adopted after two weeks. Fearful of some people, loud noises, other dogs. Just neutered. Probably not ready to go to a home yet, but you look like you have a lot of experience so maybe you'll foster him and try him out?
I went to meet him. I don't know what I was thinking. A puppy? Fearful? Not adopted after two weeks? I'd love to say that when I did meet him the skies opened up and sunshine rained down while angel choirs sung beautiful melodies because I'd found the perfect dog. In truth, I liked him, and he looked like he might work, but he was still clearly a puppy. Clumsy, excitable, goofy, still mouthy. However, unlike all the other dogs I'd met with, this time I didn't feel the uncertainty, the sense that something wasn't right, when I met him. Call it intuition, perhaps. I agreed to foster him for a week.
I brought him home. In the car, he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I introduced him to my landlord's dog. He licked her all over, fell into a play bow, and danced around. I brought him to my friend's house, and introduced him to their lab. Same thing. They ran and chased and wrestled for hours. He met people on the street, in my program, at my house. He greeted everyone like a long-lost best friend. He rode in my car. He learned to heel within 15 minutes. He came when I whistled. He laid down underneath the table at a dog-friendly bar with 50 other people and dogs and kids running around at happy hour on the fifth day I had him, like he'd been doing it for years. He relaxed while I was working, went running and hiking and to the dog park, stayed quiet and slept while I was away from the apartment, stayed nearby when let off-leash.
At the end of the week, I emailed the rescue organization. "I would be a fool to give this dog up."
In the weeks since I've had him, he's made friends with everyone I know, and all of their pets. He chases cats, but obeys when told to stay away. He goes nearly everywhere with me. He's crate-trained, and now knows sit, down, stay, come, shake, wave, sit pretty, spin, roll over, play dead, touch, crawl, jump, leave it, quiet, quit, and drop, and is getting ready for basic agility. He's learning to chase a frisbee and retrieve a ball. He'll wait patiently in the car or tied outside while I run errands. He follows me like a shadow.
Best. Decision. Ever.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Catching Up
It's funny how things that used to seem so simple and trivial (like writing a blog post) become monumental tasks in graduate school. Most of the problem lies in lack of motivation, time constraints, and... well, lack of motivation. I'm busy! I have other, more pressing things going on! I swear I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. But there are many things that have happened this semester that I feel will likely pull me away from blogging anonymously until I can figure out a way to limit my posts to a short, reasonable length that can be written quickly for more frequent updates.
When I write, I like to write a lot, and I do so sporadically. What results are infrequent, lengthy posts that take a long time to compose. Since they take a long time to write, I need a bit of time set aside to write them. Time that, for various reasons, I no longer have. I'm going to do my best to update more frequently this summer and fall, but that might not happen. For now, I'm going to say thank-you to those of you that have stuck with me this far, and promise that, although I may not write anything new for weeks (or months...) at a time, I won't fully abandon this, and I'll do my best to learn to write smaller, more regular posts.
So, what's been keeping me from updating? Well, graduate school is one thing. I finished my first year of graduate school, and if that hasn't kept me busy nothing in life ever will. (In case you were wondering, it has.) Then, the house in which I was renting an apartment was sold unexpectedly, and the buyers decided they no longer wanted tenants. I was forced to move out given short notice, which was made more complicated by the fact that I'm gearing up for a four month-long field trip, and couldn't find short-term housing between moving out a couple weeks ago and leaving a couple weeks from now.
Preparing for the field trip has eaten up a lot of my time. Getting my supplies and plans together hasn't been easy. I've been applying for grants to cover my travel and field expenses, and just recently was successful enough to secure my first decent grant. That's gone far more smoothly than I imagined, but it was close for a while-- I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to go. And making contacts, trying to put together methods, gathering equipment, and trying to find someone to help me out in the field has been far from easy, especially where my 'hands-off' graduate adviser is concerned. I still have no idea if Paul feels this trip is worthwhile or if any of my goals are feasible or research questions interesting. Since he's out of the country now for several months and isn't answering emails, I still don't know, and evidently won't find out. I'll leave before he gets back, and won't see him again until- yikes!- December.
I'm finally at a place where I have a little bit of free time, so I decided I had to sit down and catch up on blog posts. I'm going to do my best today to write several entries which I'll post intermittently over the next several weeks. I'm hoping to write at least three, in addition to this. That is, if my dog will ever leave me alone.
Oh, right. I got a dog, too.
Yeah. Busy. :)
When I write, I like to write a lot, and I do so sporadically. What results are infrequent, lengthy posts that take a long time to compose. Since they take a long time to write, I need a bit of time set aside to write them. Time that, for various reasons, I no longer have. I'm going to do my best to update more frequently this summer and fall, but that might not happen. For now, I'm going to say thank-you to those of you that have stuck with me this far, and promise that, although I may not write anything new for weeks (or months...) at a time, I won't fully abandon this, and I'll do my best to learn to write smaller, more regular posts.
So, what's been keeping me from updating? Well, graduate school is one thing. I finished my first year of graduate school, and if that hasn't kept me busy nothing in life ever will. (In case you were wondering, it has.) Then, the house in which I was renting an apartment was sold unexpectedly, and the buyers decided they no longer wanted tenants. I was forced to move out given short notice, which was made more complicated by the fact that I'm gearing up for a four month-long field trip, and couldn't find short-term housing between moving out a couple weeks ago and leaving a couple weeks from now.
Preparing for the field trip has eaten up a lot of my time. Getting my supplies and plans together hasn't been easy. I've been applying for grants to cover my travel and field expenses, and just recently was successful enough to secure my first decent grant. That's gone far more smoothly than I imagined, but it was close for a while-- I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to go. And making contacts, trying to put together methods, gathering equipment, and trying to find someone to help me out in the field has been far from easy, especially where my 'hands-off' graduate adviser is concerned. I still have no idea if Paul feels this trip is worthwhile or if any of my goals are feasible or research questions interesting. Since he's out of the country now for several months and isn't answering emails, I still don't know, and evidently won't find out. I'll leave before he gets back, and won't see him again until- yikes!- December.
I'm finally at a place where I have a little bit of free time, so I decided I had to sit down and catch up on blog posts. I'm going to do my best today to write several entries which I'll post intermittently over the next several weeks. I'm hoping to write at least three, in addition to this. That is, if my dog will ever leave me alone.
Oh, right. I got a dog, too.
Yeah. Busy. :)
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Reviews
Today the NSF released the reviewers' comment for the 2012 GRFP applications. I received a total of four 'excellent' ratings (all three reviewers labeled the intellectual merit 'excellent', and the third reviewer labeled broader impacts 'excellent' as well). The first reviewer thought my broader impacts were 'very good' and the second reviewer simply thought my broader impacts were 'good', and stated that he/she didn't feel I was specific enough with exactly how I planned to implement my proposed community service projects.
This is extremely frustrating, as the other two reviewers did not seem to feel that specificity was at all an issue, and all three felt the intellectual merit was 'excellent.' I'm almost positive now that the single 'good' rating was the one that kept my proposal from being funded. I imagine that if that one reviewer had classified broader impacts as 'very good,' I would have ended up with three wonderful years of funding as opposed to a second honorable mention and yet ANOTHER impending round of GRF applications.
If possible, I almost feel worse now than I did when I received the initial notification of my standing. Additionally, the only real 'constructive' criticism provided was by the second reviewer's 'good' rating for broader impacts. That reviewer stated that the mechanisms by which I would implement my proposed community outreach should be included. Space is SO limited in these proposals that I couldn't have included that information if I'd tried.
But I suppose I'll have to include it next year, if I want a shot at actually receiving an award.
This is extremely frustrating, as the other two reviewers did not seem to feel that specificity was at all an issue, and all three felt the intellectual merit was 'excellent.' I'm almost positive now that the single 'good' rating was the one that kept my proposal from being funded. I imagine that if that one reviewer had classified broader impacts as 'very good,' I would have ended up with three wonderful years of funding as opposed to a second honorable mention and yet ANOTHER impending round of GRF applications.
If possible, I almost feel worse now than I did when I received the initial notification of my standing. Additionally, the only real 'constructive' criticism provided was by the second reviewer's 'good' rating for broader impacts. That reviewer stated that the mechanisms by which I would implement my proposed community outreach should be included. Space is SO limited in these proposals that I couldn't have included that information if I'd tried.
But I suppose I'll have to include it next year, if I want a shot at actually receiving an award.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Yet again....
Early this morning, the National Science Foundation notified applicants of the results of their Graduate Research Fellowship bid. I awoke this morning to an email in my inbox notifying me that, regrettably, the NSF will not be able to offer me an award this year, that I have been awarded (yet another) Honorable Mention (which is supposedly a "significant achievement".... right), and that reviewer's comments will be available in three business days. I will be interested to see what the reviewers had to say, and if there is anything that's actually constructive that I'll be able to use to improve my application for next year.
Yep, that's right. Next year. Since this is my first year of graduate school and I will have not yet completed a full twelve months of classes before the next GRF application season, I will have one last year to try... yet again. Next year will mark my FOURTH attempt.
I am so sick of applying for this thing. I really felt strongly about this year's application, and I thought I had a good shot. I suppose all I can do now is wait for the reviewer's comments to be released, hope there is something constructive I can apply to my research proposal, and try again next November.
Of course, chances are I'll end up rewriting the entire application with a different focus. Especially if I get some of these research ideas going. I have a feeling what I really need is a publication or two on my record, stronger letters of recommendation from current (as opposed to mostly past) advisers, and DATA from a pilot study to show that I'm really on to something and I'm worth the NSF's support.
Yep, that's right. Next year. Since this is my first year of graduate school and I will have not yet completed a full twelve months of classes before the next GRF application season, I will have one last year to try... yet again. Next year will mark my FOURTH attempt.
I am so sick of applying for this thing. I really felt strongly about this year's application, and I thought I had a good shot. I suppose all I can do now is wait for the reviewer's comments to be released, hope there is something constructive I can apply to my research proposal, and try again next November.
Of course, chances are I'll end up rewriting the entire application with a different focus. Especially if I get some of these research ideas going. I have a feeling what I really need is a publication or two on my record, stronger letters of recommendation from current (as opposed to mostly past) advisers, and DATA from a pilot study to show that I'm really on to something and I'm worth the NSF's support.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Scramble Competition
I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this, but with my (rather large) cohort my adviser doubled the size of his lab. A decent proportion of my cohort consists of lab-mates, people joining the program in my adviser’s lab. I’m not sure how or why this happened, if Paul was looking to drastically expand the number of students he advises, or if more students accepted the offer of admission than he expected. Regardless, the lab is now twice the size that it was last year.
For the most part, this is neither a particularly good or bad thing. We all have more lab-mates with which to engage, but Paul’s time is more limited for each of us than it was before. The size of the lab hasn’t affected me so much as the people that joined—for the most part they’re great. Except for one person: Brandy. Brandy may very well be my polar opposite: extroverted, melodramatic, immature, and insecure. She runs hot and cold—one day she’ll be the happiest, sunniest person around, expounding on how much she loves life and loves the program and loves her classes and loves her friends, and the next she’ll be depressed and moping about how everyone she hangs out with is an asshole, she doesn’t think she belongs in grad school, she’s so busy, she won’t ever find a guy that loves her, she isn’t smart enough to be here, etc. It grates on me.
She’s a nice person, and can be funny, but she tries too hard, and her immaturity tends shine through. Another cohort mate and I were discussing this the other day, and decided that she’ll probably be a great person to hang out with… in five or six years. None of this would matter too much, were it not for one little problem: for some reason the grad program decided Brandy and I needed to be best friends.
We share an adviser, which means we share a lab, and lab-mates, and lab meetings. We also have very similar interests, which led my adviser to decide that we should take all the same classes. And we share an office. I can’t get away from her. Other people in the program have remarked on how she and I are “joined at the hip” and “do everything together.” There are running jokes in the department about limited funding and resources and that Paul will only be able to support and advise one of us, leading the other to drop out.
Um, no. We have the same classes, lab, and office. I literally cannot prevent us from going places together, but outside of campus we have no interaction. It shouldn’t bother me, but for some reason feeling as if the other people in the program always associate us with one another is bothersome.
It has been a little better this semester, since we’re TA’ing different classes (thank goodness), but the issues remain. I was thinking of asking to switch offices, but I really like our other office mate, and I don’t really want to cause any dissonance between Brandy and I. I don’t necessarily dislike her. I just don’t want to spend time with her.
Recently I’ve been working on research plans to do a pilot study in Remote Location this summer and fall. Brandy had only ever expressed interest in working on local, unrelated projects, until one day during lab meeting I brought up my most recent ideas.
“I want to do research in Remote Location, too!” she chimed in.
An older grad student in the lab, and one of my advocates/potential collaborators on this project asked her, “What would you be testing?”
“Well, I don’t know. How can you expect me to have questions if I’ve never been there? It would just be awesome, right? A summer in Remote Location? We could have a big summer lab research party and do fun research together! HeeHee!”
*sigh*
For the most part, this is neither a particularly good or bad thing. We all have more lab-mates with which to engage, but Paul’s time is more limited for each of us than it was before. The size of the lab hasn’t affected me so much as the people that joined—for the most part they’re great. Except for one person: Brandy. Brandy may very well be my polar opposite: extroverted, melodramatic, immature, and insecure. She runs hot and cold—one day she’ll be the happiest, sunniest person around, expounding on how much she loves life and loves the program and loves her classes and loves her friends, and the next she’ll be depressed and moping about how everyone she hangs out with is an asshole, she doesn’t think she belongs in grad school, she’s so busy, she won’t ever find a guy that loves her, she isn’t smart enough to be here, etc. It grates on me.
She’s a nice person, and can be funny, but she tries too hard, and her immaturity tends shine through. Another cohort mate and I were discussing this the other day, and decided that she’ll probably be a great person to hang out with… in five or six years. None of this would matter too much, were it not for one little problem: for some reason the grad program decided Brandy and I needed to be best friends.
We share an adviser, which means we share a lab, and lab-mates, and lab meetings. We also have very similar interests, which led my adviser to decide that we should take all the same classes. And we share an office. I can’t get away from her. Other people in the program have remarked on how she and I are “joined at the hip” and “do everything together.” There are running jokes in the department about limited funding and resources and that Paul will only be able to support and advise one of us, leading the other to drop out.
Um, no. We have the same classes, lab, and office. I literally cannot prevent us from going places together, but outside of campus we have no interaction. It shouldn’t bother me, but for some reason feeling as if the other people in the program always associate us with one another is bothersome.
It has been a little better this semester, since we’re TA’ing different classes (thank goodness), but the issues remain. I was thinking of asking to switch offices, but I really like our other office mate, and I don’t really want to cause any dissonance between Brandy and I. I don’t necessarily dislike her. I just don’t want to spend time with her.
Recently I’ve been working on research plans to do a pilot study in Remote Location this summer and fall. Brandy had only ever expressed interest in working on local, unrelated projects, until one day during lab meeting I brought up my most recent ideas.
“I want to do research in Remote Location, too!” she chimed in.
An older grad student in the lab, and one of my advocates/potential collaborators on this project asked her, “What would you be testing?”
“Well, I don’t know. How can you expect me to have questions if I’ve never been there? It would just be awesome, right? A summer in Remote Location? We could have a big summer lab research party and do fun research together! HeeHee!”
*sigh*
Saturday, January 21, 2012
It's surprising...
I'm embarking on only my second semester of graduate school, yet PhD Comics already provide a frighteningly accurate representation of my life:
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2011: Looking Back, Looking Ahead
Hey, folks! It's that time again: the year in review! Last year my goals were very similar to what they had been in 2009, but this year, since I've started grad school, my goals have shifted. Hooray new goals!
Here is what last year's list looked like:
2011: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis
-Get accepted to grad school
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship
-Move to a new city
-Start grad school
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation
-Apply for the NSF GRFP (if I don't get it in April)
-Select an adviser
-Print more of my photographs
2011: A Year in Review
So what did I end up doing?
-I did NOT publish the results of my thesis. This is driving me crazy. I've had an impossible time getting Walt (my former adviser, and thesis adviser at CLAS) to respond to emails and get his butt in gear for resubmission. It's written! It's ready to go! I just need his approval! ARGH! So, yeah. This still hasn't happened.
-I DID get accepted to grad school! Yipee!
-I did NOT get the NSF GRFP. That was not fun at all.
-I DID move to a new city: WCU!
-I DID start grad school, and made it successfully through my first semester!
-I have NOT yet chosen a research topic for my dissertation, although I've been slowly narrowing down my options. My lab is pretty prolific right now, with big projects in several areas. My problem thus far has been the number of projects to choose from! I just can't decide.
-I DID apply again for the NSF GRF. I have one more year of eligibility remaining, but hopefully I'll manage to get it this time.
-I DID select an adviser, sort of. I didn't really select Paul, per say, as he was my default adviser for this program, and our department at WCU doesn't do rotations-- students come into the program to work in a specific lab. So I chose Paul by choosing to come to WCU. Either way, I have an adviser, and it all works out.
-I DID print more photographs. It was easy to get that one off the list.
I did a few other things, too:
-I leased Jet and continued to improve at barrel racing.
-I started running, and got myself to the point where I could run a 5K without dying.
-I took Jet calf sorting.
-I moved. Three times. Yeah. I really need to stop doing that.
-I found a new place to ride outside WCU. It's not the same as the barn outside MHT, but it's a nice place, and I'm slowly starting to get to know everyone. Not much western riding out here. I've yet to hear of anyone sorting, penning, or barrel racing, but I do know of a few reiners, so it's out there... somewhere. Hopefully I'll meet some of those folks soon.
-I've been more social. I'm not antisocial, but sometimes I don't make the effort to get out and do things. I'm perfectly happy spending a quite night at home. Since moving to WCU, though, I've really put in the effort to go out and do things with people. It hasn't been too painful. ;)
So, what am I looking for in the year ahead?
2012: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis. Seriously. This needs to happen.
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship. I'm really hoping this is in my cards this year.
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation, or at least get started with something. In the next few weeks, I need to decide what I'm going to do with my summer, so I can get out there and start collecting some data!
-Attend a conference. I don't think I'll have anything to present, but there are a lot of conferences in this area this summer and there are a couple I'd REALLY like to go to.
-Survive my second semester of grad school.
-Explore more of the area around WCU. There is TONS to do out here, and I feel like I've barely seen any of it!
-Date someone. Okay, this is only semi-serious. If I don't find the right guy, I'm not just going to date for the sake of dating. But holy crap I'd really like to have a boyfriend. So why not make it a goal for this year?
-Learn to swing dance. There is a dance center not too far from where I live that gives weekly swing dance lessons. This is something I've wanted to try for a while. I have good rhythm, but lack any semblance of grace. Hopefully learning to dance will help... at least a little?
-Make friends. Okay, okay-- I already have made 'friends' out here, people in my program and the people at the ranch I've been visiting. But they're not good friends. No one out here really knows me that well... yet. So my goal for this year is to solidify some of these friendships. I'm not tied to this area yet. I like it, and I go to school out here, but I don't yet feel a sense of place, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't have those good, solid friendships or relationships out here to draw on. I'm sure this will come with time, so that's why it makes my list of goals for 2012!
I'm sure there are other things I could add to this list, but there is plenty on there for now. Happy New Year everyone! I hope your year is filled with good things!
Here is what last year's list looked like:
2011: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis
-Get accepted to grad school
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship
-Move to a new city
-Start grad school
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation
-Apply for the NSF GRFP (if I don't get it in April)
-Select an adviser
-Print more of my photographs
2011: A Year in Review
So what did I end up doing?
-I did NOT publish the results of my thesis. This is driving me crazy. I've had an impossible time getting Walt (my former adviser, and thesis adviser at CLAS) to respond to emails and get his butt in gear for resubmission. It's written! It's ready to go! I just need his approval! ARGH! So, yeah. This still hasn't happened.
-I DID get accepted to grad school! Yipee!
-I did NOT get the NSF GRFP. That was not fun at all.
-I DID move to a new city: WCU!
-I DID start grad school, and made it successfully through my first semester!
-I have NOT yet chosen a research topic for my dissertation, although I've been slowly narrowing down my options. My lab is pretty prolific right now, with big projects in several areas. My problem thus far has been the number of projects to choose from! I just can't decide.
-I DID apply again for the NSF GRF. I have one more year of eligibility remaining, but hopefully I'll manage to get it this time.
-I DID select an adviser, sort of. I didn't really select Paul, per say, as he was my default adviser for this program, and our department at WCU doesn't do rotations-- students come into the program to work in a specific lab. So I chose Paul by choosing to come to WCU. Either way, I have an adviser, and it all works out.
-I DID print more photographs. It was easy to get that one off the list.
I did a few other things, too:
-I leased Jet and continued to improve at barrel racing.
-I started running, and got myself to the point where I could run a 5K without dying.
-I took Jet calf sorting.
-I moved. Three times. Yeah. I really need to stop doing that.
-I found a new place to ride outside WCU. It's not the same as the barn outside MHT, but it's a nice place, and I'm slowly starting to get to know everyone. Not much western riding out here. I've yet to hear of anyone sorting, penning, or barrel racing, but I do know of a few reiners, so it's out there... somewhere. Hopefully I'll meet some of those folks soon.
-I've been more social. I'm not antisocial, but sometimes I don't make the effort to get out and do things. I'm perfectly happy spending a quite night at home. Since moving to WCU, though, I've really put in the effort to go out and do things with people. It hasn't been too painful. ;)
So, what am I looking for in the year ahead?
2012: Stuff I'd like to do
-Publish the results of my thesis. Seriously. This needs to happen.
-Get the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship. I'm really hoping this is in my cards this year.
-Choose a research topic for my dissertation, or at least get started with something. In the next few weeks, I need to decide what I'm going to do with my summer, so I can get out there and start collecting some data!
-Attend a conference. I don't think I'll have anything to present, but there are a lot of conferences in this area this summer and there are a couple I'd REALLY like to go to.
-Survive my second semester of grad school.
-Explore more of the area around WCU. There is TONS to do out here, and I feel like I've barely seen any of it!
-Date someone. Okay, this is only semi-serious. If I don't find the right guy, I'm not just going to date for the sake of dating. But holy crap I'd really like to have a boyfriend. So why not make it a goal for this year?
-Learn to swing dance. There is a dance center not too far from where I live that gives weekly swing dance lessons. This is something I've wanted to try for a while. I have good rhythm, but lack any semblance of grace. Hopefully learning to dance will help... at least a little?
-Make friends. Okay, okay-- I already have made 'friends' out here, people in my program and the people at the ranch I've been visiting. But they're not good friends. No one out here really knows me that well... yet. So my goal for this year is to solidify some of these friendships. I'm not tied to this area yet. I like it, and I go to school out here, but I don't yet feel a sense of place, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't have those good, solid friendships or relationships out here to draw on. I'm sure this will come with time, so that's why it makes my list of goals for 2012!
I'm sure there are other things I could add to this list, but there is plenty on there for now. Happy New Year everyone! I hope your year is filled with good things!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
One Down
My first semester as a graduate student is over! There are so many things I could say about the past fourth months, but I'll start off with this: it was great! The transition from ranch work to back-to-school was simple. Despite being away from school for two years, I was ready to return, and it was relatively simple to slip back into a pattern of research, coursework, and tests. Even my transition from My Home Town to West Coast University went smoothly. There are still adjustments to be made here and there-- cultural differences, climatic differences, staggering differences in costs of living-- but on the whole I settled into living in this area as if I'd always been here.
The people in my program are great. I LOVE my lab. The other lab members have been welcoming, and more than happy to provide advice. Lab meetings are often the highlight of my week-- getting together and discussing literature with a group of people with similar research interests is refreshing. They like the same things I like! They're intrigued by the same things I am! Our perspectives differ enough to keep things interesting. It's pretty much fantastic.
I'm slowly getting to know my adviser, Paul. He was extremely helpful when I wrote my NSF proposal for this year. He read through several drafts, and is good at thinking about the bigger picture. We're both still in a period of figuring the other person out. I'm getting to know him as an adviser, and he's getting to know me as a student. Our relationship isn't nearly as fluid as his relationship with the older grad students in our lab, but seeing him interact with the other students gives me hope that it will come in time. He's a genuinely good person, and I think we'll get along.
He's given me some work to do over break, so I'm going to do my best to make a good impression. I'm often quiet during lab meetings. I like to think extensively about the papers we read before commenting, and I'm still learning to read this type of literature critically, so I'm wondering if he's reserving judgement about my scholastic ability until I prove myself in other ways.
The people in my cohort are great, too. Our core courses have been a good way for us all to become friends-- our mutual complaints about our classes have allowed us to bond. We spend a decent amount of time outside of school together, with frequent happy hours, dinners, and parties.
I'm not too chuffed with the required core courses for the program, but the other classes I took this semester weren't too bad. If nothing else, I've been able to see the applicability of the material almost instantaneously. My adviser's work is highly quantitative, and he expects the same of his students, so I'll be taking a series of applied math courses.
I took the first course in the series this fall, and used the material I was learning right away, in the methods for my NSF GRF proposal. The work my adviser wants me to do over break also utilizes the information from this first math course. That being said, graduate math courses aren't exactly a cake walk! I probably spent more time this semester doing problem sets than anything else. But it paid off-- I passed all my classes.
It feels a little strange being on break now. Although I don't think I was any more busy this semester than I was during undergrad, it's a little odd going from 'full speed ahead' to 'take your sweet time'. I've been antsy-- I feel the need to be doing something all the time. It's not nearly as bad now, however, as it was over Thanksgiving break, when it was almost impossible for me to relax. I've gotten to the point where I actually feel bad not doing schoolwork. One weekend mid-semester I'd caught up on work, and had a day free. I went hiking and spent some time with a friend, but even then I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something school-related I should be doing.
With the semester over the feeling isn't quite as bad, but I have been thinking about the side project my adviser has for me. That isn't going to stop me from enjoying my time off, but I will have to address it sooner or later.
On the whole, my first semester was great. I've been really happy out here. I'm pleased with the program, and I think it will be a good fit for me. I'm looking forward to the next four or five years.
It will be nice to go home for the holidays, to see my friends and family and enjoy my time off. Something tells me, though, that I'm going to miss my new home, too. I guess it's a good, thing, though, that I'll be glad to come back!
Happy holidays! :)
The people in my program are great. I LOVE my lab. The other lab members have been welcoming, and more than happy to provide advice. Lab meetings are often the highlight of my week-- getting together and discussing literature with a group of people with similar research interests is refreshing. They like the same things I like! They're intrigued by the same things I am! Our perspectives differ enough to keep things interesting. It's pretty much fantastic.
I'm slowly getting to know my adviser, Paul. He was extremely helpful when I wrote my NSF proposal for this year. He read through several drafts, and is good at thinking about the bigger picture. We're both still in a period of figuring the other person out. I'm getting to know him as an adviser, and he's getting to know me as a student. Our relationship isn't nearly as fluid as his relationship with the older grad students in our lab, but seeing him interact with the other students gives me hope that it will come in time. He's a genuinely good person, and I think we'll get along.
He's given me some work to do over break, so I'm going to do my best to make a good impression. I'm often quiet during lab meetings. I like to think extensively about the papers we read before commenting, and I'm still learning to read this type of literature critically, so I'm wondering if he's reserving judgement about my scholastic ability until I prove myself in other ways.
The people in my cohort are great, too. Our core courses have been a good way for us all to become friends-- our mutual complaints about our classes have allowed us to bond. We spend a decent amount of time outside of school together, with frequent happy hours, dinners, and parties.
I'm not too chuffed with the required core courses for the program, but the other classes I took this semester weren't too bad. If nothing else, I've been able to see the applicability of the material almost instantaneously. My adviser's work is highly quantitative, and he expects the same of his students, so I'll be taking a series of applied math courses.
I took the first course in the series this fall, and used the material I was learning right away, in the methods for my NSF GRF proposal. The work my adviser wants me to do over break also utilizes the information from this first math course. That being said, graduate math courses aren't exactly a cake walk! I probably spent more time this semester doing problem sets than anything else. But it paid off-- I passed all my classes.
It feels a little strange being on break now. Although I don't think I was any more busy this semester than I was during undergrad, it's a little odd going from 'full speed ahead' to 'take your sweet time'. I've been antsy-- I feel the need to be doing something all the time. It's not nearly as bad now, however, as it was over Thanksgiving break, when it was almost impossible for me to relax. I've gotten to the point where I actually feel bad not doing schoolwork. One weekend mid-semester I'd caught up on work, and had a day free. I went hiking and spent some time with a friend, but even then I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something school-related I should be doing.
With the semester over the feeling isn't quite as bad, but I have been thinking about the side project my adviser has for me. That isn't going to stop me from enjoying my time off, but I will have to address it sooner or later.
On the whole, my first semester was great. I've been really happy out here. I'm pleased with the program, and I think it will be a good fit for me. I'm looking forward to the next four or five years.
It will be nice to go home for the holidays, to see my friends and family and enjoy my time off. Something tells me, though, that I'm going to miss my new home, too. I guess it's a good, thing, though, that I'll be glad to come back!
Happy holidays! :)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Study Break
I'll admit that I've slacked off on blogging this semester. I often thought about updating-- there has been plenty to talk about. I could have written posts on the challenges of adjusting to a new city, getting used to the program, finding my way around campus, meeting people, finding a place to horseback ride, balancing schoolwork and recreation, and choosing which coursework to complete and which to ignore. Time management is something I've always been good at, however. Although I would have loved to have taken time away from school to update the blog, I know that, in the long run, writing The Wild Life is less critical to my success than, say, writing grant proposals, or completing assignments.
As a result, I've neglected the blog. All the times I could have been writing, I was out doing more exciting things (or doing homework). But for the most part, doing exciting things!
Now the semester is winding down, so I have fewer things on the agenda and have finally had a chance to sit down and address the blog. I wish I could say that next semester will be better, but it won't! I start TA'ing next semester, and along with coursework that should occupy most of my time.
As a result, I've neglected the blog. All the times I could have been writing, I was out doing more exciting things (or doing homework). But for the most part, doing exciting things!
Now the semester is winding down, so I have fewer things on the agenda and have finally had a chance to sit down and address the blog. I wish I could say that next semester will be better, but it won't! I start TA'ing next semester, and along with coursework that should occupy most of my time.
Friday, December 16, 2011
The NSF GRFP: Third time's a charm?
This fall, I applied for the NSF GRFP a third time. Here's how the cards have fallen out in years past:
2010: Applied. Received an Honorable Mention.
2011: Applied. Application was not reviewed.
2012: Applied. Fingers crossed!
I'll have to wait until April to find the results of this latest attempt. I checked and double-checked the application requirements, and since I had internet access this year, I made sure that all of my references submitted their recommendation letters on time. So hopefully I won't receive a depressing email in January this year informing me that my application won't be reviewed.
I feel really good about my application this year. I felt good about last year's application, but that doesn't even compare to this season. Last year I wrote my application over the course of a few days. It went through two or three edits, and I received feedback from my former thesis adviser, Walt, as well as one potential graduate adviser. I felt it was pretty strong.
This year, however, I had all of the glorious resources provided by a graduate program. This included: my graduate adviser, our department's grant coordinator, a class constructed around peer review of grant proposals, and a slew of graduate students. My adviser read through last year's proposal early on and decided I should take a different direction. I was initially a little disappointed, because I had to start from scratch: a different study system, different research questions, different methods.
However, my new proposal targets a question I might actually address in the course of my dissertation. The work I told the NSF I'll be attempting is something I might actually attempt, so although I had to spend more time than I'd anticipated rewriting my proposal, it forced me to think about a study system in which I might actually work.
My proposal went through TONS of drafts. I think in the end I had four different versions, each written from a different angle, and several edits of each of those drafts. I was able to choose the strongest and submit that. I know that a lot of the NSF GRF, like many application processes, has to do with luck-- the random way in which proposals end up in the hands of reviewers; the reviewers' background experiences, familiarity with study systems and terminology; their particular moods when they do the actual reviewing. But I feel confident that I did the best possible work I could on the proposal, and I know it is strong, and should be a contender.
I should have one additional year of eligibility for the NSF GRF. If I don't receive the grant again this year, I'll be able to give it one more shot next fall. But here's to hoping that the third time's a charm!
2010: Applied. Received an Honorable Mention.
2011: Applied. Application was not reviewed.
2012: Applied. Fingers crossed!
I'll have to wait until April to find the results of this latest attempt. I checked and double-checked the application requirements, and since I had internet access this year, I made sure that all of my references submitted their recommendation letters on time. So hopefully I won't receive a depressing email in January this year informing me that my application won't be reviewed.
I feel really good about my application this year. I felt good about last year's application, but that doesn't even compare to this season. Last year I wrote my application over the course of a few days. It went through two or three edits, and I received feedback from my former thesis adviser, Walt, as well as one potential graduate adviser. I felt it was pretty strong.
This year, however, I had all of the glorious resources provided by a graduate program. This included: my graduate adviser, our department's grant coordinator, a class constructed around peer review of grant proposals, and a slew of graduate students. My adviser read through last year's proposal early on and decided I should take a different direction. I was initially a little disappointed, because I had to start from scratch: a different study system, different research questions, different methods.
However, my new proposal targets a question I might actually address in the course of my dissertation. The work I told the NSF I'll be attempting is something I might actually attempt, so although I had to spend more time than I'd anticipated rewriting my proposal, it forced me to think about a study system in which I might actually work.
My proposal went through TONS of drafts. I think in the end I had four different versions, each written from a different angle, and several edits of each of those drafts. I was able to choose the strongest and submit that. I know that a lot of the NSF GRF, like many application processes, has to do with luck-- the random way in which proposals end up in the hands of reviewers; the reviewers' background experiences, familiarity with study systems and terminology; their particular moods when they do the actual reviewing. But I feel confident that I did the best possible work I could on the proposal, and I know it is strong, and should be a contender.
I should have one additional year of eligibility for the NSF GRF. If I don't receive the grant again this year, I'll be able to give it one more shot next fall. But here's to hoping that the third time's a charm!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Sink or Swim
As part of an assignment for one of our first-year core courses, our cohort is responsible for interviewing each faculty member in the department to assimilate information on the types of research they do, the people and organizations with which they collaborate, and how they fit into the structure of the department as a whole (read: we're doing departmental grunt-work).
To try and make this task manageable, we split ourselves into groups and divided the faculty amongst ourselves, so each group only has to interview a handful of the professors in the department. I had the strange experience of interviewing, with one other first-year student, my own adviser. (This wasn't supposed to have happened, but with scheduling issues, it's the way it worked out).
My cohort-mate led the interview, and I transcribed. One of the questions we've been asking is related to each individual faculty member's perceptions on mentoring students, or how they see their role as an adviser. Paul's response to this question was (paraphrased) as follows:
"I wouldn't say I have a mentoring philosophy per say, but in general I'm very hands off-- sink or swim. Not all students are meant to succeed in grad school, and not everyone should be a scientist. If you're not going to make it in grad school, the sooner you get out, the better, so I expect my students to be self-sufficient. The earlier you can act like a scientist, the better off you'll be, and real scientists don't have any strict guidelines or guidance. If the student is doing well, it would probably be annoying for them if I were constantly checking in on their progress. If they aren't doing well, then any hand-holding I do will keep them from developing any motivation towards working out issues on their own."
Yikes!
Let me start of by saying that I completely agree with him. I don't think everyone is cut out to do science, and I also don't believe that grad school is for everyone. I am an extremely independent student as-is, and I would probably get annoyed if my adviser were on my back all the time and constantly checking in on me. However... it did make me a little nervous, the 'sink or swim' part.
Although I do have a decent amount of research experience, I haven't done a master's degree like many of the students here have. I'm not exactly sure yet what this grad school thing is about, except that it involves meeting some course requirements and doing a giant, multifaceted research project over the span of several years. And although I'm more than capable at coming up with my own research questions, what about making contacts with potential collaborators, finding a study site, applying for grants, and general problem-solving? Does he mean that will all be up to me, solo, as well? Because honestly, the thought of doing everything by myself is a little intimidating, and I could really use some guidance in, say, finding a good study area to work in that will be the appropriate size and location to collect the data I need to collect, or determining whether or not the specific method I'm considering is the one most suitable for the analyses I need to do.
I need someone in my corner, someone looking out for me, even if they're not continuously involved in what I'm doing. I expect (and prefer) to be doing things on my own, but I need someone to go to if I'm having trouble or need advice. And I'd like a resource with a better network than my own to be able to help facilitate the contacts I need to get things done. When I spoke with Paul before applying to WCU, he made it clear that he expects his students to be independent, but he made it sound as if he was going to be more involved in the process than he suggested during his interview. And admittedly, some of the things he said did make me wonder about the role he'll end up playing in my graduate school career.
I'm really hoping by 'sink or swim' he meant, 'I'm going to throw you in the deep end, and if you can swim, I'll help you get to shore.'
To try and make this task manageable, we split ourselves into groups and divided the faculty amongst ourselves, so each group only has to interview a handful of the professors in the department. I had the strange experience of interviewing, with one other first-year student, my own adviser. (This wasn't supposed to have happened, but with scheduling issues, it's the way it worked out).
My cohort-mate led the interview, and I transcribed. One of the questions we've been asking is related to each individual faculty member's perceptions on mentoring students, or how they see their role as an adviser. Paul's response to this question was (paraphrased) as follows:
"I wouldn't say I have a mentoring philosophy per say, but in general I'm very hands off-- sink or swim. Not all students are meant to succeed in grad school, and not everyone should be a scientist. If you're not going to make it in grad school, the sooner you get out, the better, so I expect my students to be self-sufficient. The earlier you can act like a scientist, the better off you'll be, and real scientists don't have any strict guidelines or guidance. If the student is doing well, it would probably be annoying for them if I were constantly checking in on their progress. If they aren't doing well, then any hand-holding I do will keep them from developing any motivation towards working out issues on their own."
Yikes!
Let me start of by saying that I completely agree with him. I don't think everyone is cut out to do science, and I also don't believe that grad school is for everyone. I am an extremely independent student as-is, and I would probably get annoyed if my adviser were on my back all the time and constantly checking in on me. However... it did make me a little nervous, the 'sink or swim' part.
Although I do have a decent amount of research experience, I haven't done a master's degree like many of the students here have. I'm not exactly sure yet what this grad school thing is about, except that it involves meeting some course requirements and doing a giant, multifaceted research project over the span of several years. And although I'm more than capable at coming up with my own research questions, what about making contacts with potential collaborators, finding a study site, applying for grants, and general problem-solving? Does he mean that will all be up to me, solo, as well? Because honestly, the thought of doing everything by myself is a little intimidating, and I could really use some guidance in, say, finding a good study area to work in that will be the appropriate size and location to collect the data I need to collect, or determining whether or not the specific method I'm considering is the one most suitable for the analyses I need to do.
I need someone in my corner, someone looking out for me, even if they're not continuously involved in what I'm doing. I expect (and prefer) to be doing things on my own, but I need someone to go to if I'm having trouble or need advice. And I'd like a resource with a better network than my own to be able to help facilitate the contacts I need to get things done. When I spoke with Paul before applying to WCU, he made it clear that he expects his students to be independent, but he made it sound as if he was going to be more involved in the process than he suggested during his interview. And admittedly, some of the things he said did make me wonder about the role he'll end up playing in my graduate school career.
I'm really hoping by 'sink or swim' he meant, 'I'm going to throw you in the deep end, and if you can swim, I'll help you get to shore.'
Saturday, October 15, 2011
And on into autumn...
I'm temped to start off by apologizing for not having updated in so long, but to be perfectly honest, this is the first chance I've had since my last post to sit down and spend some time with the blog. They're not kidding when they say grad school is busy. It is!
So far, things are going pretty well. We're midway through the semester now, and although a small part of me feels I should have a good idea about whether or not I like what I'm doing, the larger part says I should reserve judgement for another year or so. That doesn't mean I haven't already formulated some opinions, however.
I like my cohort a lot. Just about everyone is getting along well. They're a group of friendly, knowledgeable people with diverse backgrounds and perspectives, and that makes for a good mix. We're starting to socialize more now and I'm beginning to make friends. We're gradually spending time together outside of school, which has been great. It's so nice to have a social outlet of people my own age group again. And, of course, we share similar interests, which makes conversation easier.
I'm gradually getting used to living here. Generally, it's a pretty nice place. There is a lot going on (a lot of weekend activities, for example), good hiking/natural areas nearby, and the campus is nice. There is also a pretty good alternative transportation infrastructure, so I've been able to get around on my bike pretty easily. This has been great. In MHT, it's just about impossible to bike or bus anywhere. Out here, I ride my bike back and forth to campus every day, and often ride my bike to run errands or visit people's houses. I've only filled up my car with gas once since I've been here, which is fantastic, because gas is outrageously expensive out here.
Gas isn't the only thing that's pricey-- housing costs, utilities, food, clothing, you name it. I have yet to see an item for purchase that is lower (or even comparable, in some cases) in cost to the same item back home. It's been a real shock, and is probably the one thing I'm really having trouble getting used to. Things I would have bought without thinking about it MHT, I now have to give careful consideration, especially with my limited grad student budget. I've gone from buying a nice assortment of mostly healthy foods to a limited selection of cheap foods. Probably not ideal for my physical well-being, but there just isn't any way for me to afford the stuff I'd like to be eating. And eating out, movies, new clothes, and other incidental expenditures? Forget about it. I'm going to be stretching my budget as is every month just paying the bills.
Weather has been another interesting consideration. Back home, the weather is starting to dip toward winter, with chilly mornings and evenings and some light freezing overnight. Here, the weather has stayed pretty consistent. It's not really cold, ever. But it rains. A lot. All day long. And that has been a little strange. I'm starting to wonder how much rain we'll get here during the winter.
Classes haven't been too bad. There is a tremendous amount of required reading for the core courses I'm taking for the program, and in some ways that's been frustrating because it takes a lot of time away from me reading the stuff I'm actually interested in (e.g. reading that is relevant to my research interests, and that may help me start working on research projects for this summer and beyond). Only a couple of classes I'm taking right now feel applicable to my research, and I almost feel as if school is starting to get in the way of my education. I need to strike a balance between participating in the core courses and having enough time in my schedule to attack my own work-- research ideas, reading, and, of course grant proposals.
It's almost NSF GRFP season again. And yes, I'm going to apply, again. I'm going to use the same proposal that I did last year. This time, however, my adviser will serve as my third academic reference, to replace the reference I still haven't been able to forgive. I've done some minor editing to my proposal, but even a year later with a fresher perspective I continue to feel good about it. I do wish I'd had the opportunity to get feedback from the NSF reviewers, but obviously that didn't happen, so I'm going to have to hope for the best. I'm going to ask Paul (my shiny new graduate adviser) to take a look at it, and hope he might offer some feedback. I might even ask one of my new labmates (another group of people that I really like) to read it over.
Apart from all that, nothing much else has been going on, which I suppose is a good thing considering how busy I've been. I'm working on finding a place to ride out here, as a hobby to get me away from academia every week. I'm looking into a once-weekly job at a consignment barn working sale horses, but I'm not sure yet if it's going to work out. I haven't really been homesick, although I do miss MHT and my friends and family, and Jet (also, snow, affordable food, the ability to participate things that cost money, having expendable income, and good delivery pizza, which I haven't been able to find here yet). It won't be too much longer before Thanksgiving, though, when I'll be making my first trip back home. Time flies!
(*Wow! I just noticed, this is my 100th post! I feel like I should have some sort of celebration...*)
So far, things are going pretty well. We're midway through the semester now, and although a small part of me feels I should have a good idea about whether or not I like what I'm doing, the larger part says I should reserve judgement for another year or so. That doesn't mean I haven't already formulated some opinions, however.
I like my cohort a lot. Just about everyone is getting along well. They're a group of friendly, knowledgeable people with diverse backgrounds and perspectives, and that makes for a good mix. We're starting to socialize more now and I'm beginning to make friends. We're gradually spending time together outside of school, which has been great. It's so nice to have a social outlet of people my own age group again. And, of course, we share similar interests, which makes conversation easier.
I'm gradually getting used to living here. Generally, it's a pretty nice place. There is a lot going on (a lot of weekend activities, for example), good hiking/natural areas nearby, and the campus is nice. There is also a pretty good alternative transportation infrastructure, so I've been able to get around on my bike pretty easily. This has been great. In MHT, it's just about impossible to bike or bus anywhere. Out here, I ride my bike back and forth to campus every day, and often ride my bike to run errands or visit people's houses. I've only filled up my car with gas once since I've been here, which is fantastic, because gas is outrageously expensive out here.
Gas isn't the only thing that's pricey-- housing costs, utilities, food, clothing, you name it. I have yet to see an item for purchase that is lower (or even comparable, in some cases) in cost to the same item back home. It's been a real shock, and is probably the one thing I'm really having trouble getting used to. Things I would have bought without thinking about it MHT, I now have to give careful consideration, especially with my limited grad student budget. I've gone from buying a nice assortment of mostly healthy foods to a limited selection of cheap foods. Probably not ideal for my physical well-being, but there just isn't any way for me to afford the stuff I'd like to be eating. And eating out, movies, new clothes, and other incidental expenditures? Forget about it. I'm going to be stretching my budget as is every month just paying the bills.
Weather has been another interesting consideration. Back home, the weather is starting to dip toward winter, with chilly mornings and evenings and some light freezing overnight. Here, the weather has stayed pretty consistent. It's not really cold, ever. But it rains. A lot. All day long. And that has been a little strange. I'm starting to wonder how much rain we'll get here during the winter.
Classes haven't been too bad. There is a tremendous amount of required reading for the core courses I'm taking for the program, and in some ways that's been frustrating because it takes a lot of time away from me reading the stuff I'm actually interested in (e.g. reading that is relevant to my research interests, and that may help me start working on research projects for this summer and beyond). Only a couple of classes I'm taking right now feel applicable to my research, and I almost feel as if school is starting to get in the way of my education. I need to strike a balance between participating in the core courses and having enough time in my schedule to attack my own work-- research ideas, reading, and, of course grant proposals.
It's almost NSF GRFP season again. And yes, I'm going to apply, again. I'm going to use the same proposal that I did last year. This time, however, my adviser will serve as my third academic reference, to replace the reference I still haven't been able to forgive. I've done some minor editing to my proposal, but even a year later with a fresher perspective I continue to feel good about it. I do wish I'd had the opportunity to get feedback from the NSF reviewers, but obviously that didn't happen, so I'm going to have to hope for the best. I'm going to ask Paul (my shiny new graduate adviser) to take a look at it, and hope he might offer some feedback. I might even ask one of my new labmates (another group of people that I really like) to read it over.
Apart from all that, nothing much else has been going on, which I suppose is a good thing considering how busy I've been. I'm working on finding a place to ride out here, as a hobby to get me away from academia every week. I'm looking into a once-weekly job at a consignment barn working sale horses, but I'm not sure yet if it's going to work out. I haven't really been homesick, although I do miss MHT and my friends and family, and Jet (also, snow, affordable food, the ability to participate things that cost money, having expendable income, and good delivery pizza, which I haven't been able to find here yet). It won't be too much longer before Thanksgiving, though, when I'll be making my first trip back home. Time flies!
(*Wow! I just noticed, this is my 100th post! I feel like I should have some sort of celebration...*)
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Settling in
The past few weeks have been hectic, but surprisingly manageable. I successfully made the move from MHT to WCU. I had a little bit of a snafu with my living arrangements (the apartment I'd decided to let was not at all what I expected, and way too far from campus, so I ended up moving--again-- right after I'd moved *sigh*) but otherwise made the transition easily and got set up. Then came orientation, campus tours, and of course, classes starting, including an enormous scheduling conflict which has yet to be resolved.
Despite all that, I feel as if things are going pretty well. My feelings may change as I progress farther into my coursework and start losing my free time, but so far everything has been fine. Public transportation is fairly reliable here, so I haven't had to do nearly as much driving as in MHT, the surrounding area is full of new places to explore, and most of the people in my cohort seem pretty friendly (although I'll admit we haven't spent much time together yet). I'm still meeting people in the department and trying to set up a routine for myself (difficult, because of my ongoing scheduling conflict), but I can see a time in the near future where everything will fall into place.
I've been here just over three weeks now. It's been a little strange being in school again. I'll admit that when I sat down for my first lecture, it felt weird, and I thought to myself, 'This is stupid. I already did school.' No brain. We're not quite finished with classes yet. Hold out a couple more years, okay?
It's been good to get back into academics, though, for the most part. I'm starting to get excited about research ideas, and attending seminars has gone a long way to motivate me toward working on my own proposals. I'm attending a MUCH larger university than I did for undergrad, so it's been a little overwhelming realizing just how many resources may be at my disposal. Now, I need to start attending to my biggest hurdle-- funding.
Hooray... it's almost NSF GRFP time. Again.
(^sarcasm)
Despite all that, I feel as if things are going pretty well. My feelings may change as I progress farther into my coursework and start losing my free time, but so far everything has been fine. Public transportation is fairly reliable here, so I haven't had to do nearly as much driving as in MHT, the surrounding area is full of new places to explore, and most of the people in my cohort seem pretty friendly (although I'll admit we haven't spent much time together yet). I'm still meeting people in the department and trying to set up a routine for myself (difficult, because of my ongoing scheduling conflict), but I can see a time in the near future where everything will fall into place.
I've been here just over three weeks now. It's been a little strange being in school again. I'll admit that when I sat down for my first lecture, it felt weird, and I thought to myself, 'This is stupid. I already did school.' No brain. We're not quite finished with classes yet. Hold out a couple more years, okay?
It's been good to get back into academics, though, for the most part. I'm starting to get excited about research ideas, and attending seminars has gone a long way to motivate me toward working on my own proposals. I'm attending a MUCH larger university than I did for undergrad, so it's been a little overwhelming realizing just how many resources may be at my disposal. Now, I need to start attending to my biggest hurdle-- funding.
Hooray... it's almost NSF GRFP time. Again.
(^sarcasm)
Friday, September 2, 2011
Four, to go
It's time. I'm leaving My Home Town and moving to WCU. I've loaded my car, said my goodbyes, and planned out my travel route. Now all there is left to do is drive. I may not post now for a little while since I'll be busy settling into a new city and a new routine. But I promise to update as soon as things calm down a bit.
Wish me luck!
Wish me luck!
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