The NSF GRFP

After carefully reviewing the National Science Foundation's announcement dates for their Graduate Research Fellowship Program, or GRFP, from previous years, I was almost certain they'd announce this year's recipients on April 9th. It seems in years past, they've almost always sent out emails on Fridays or Mondays, so to get the email this past Tuesday morning, the 6th, was unexpected.

I'd convinced myself that this week would be good for me-- great, even. After all, I had it coming, right? Especially after having put so much work into my undergraduate education and then waiting so many months hearing nothing but bad news. So I was disappointed, although not particularly surprised, to read the title of the email in my inbox: "NSF GRFP Honorable Mention Notification."

No, I was not awarded a Graduate Research Fellowship. I did receive an honorable mention.

On the one hand, it makes a lot of sense. This was my first time applying for a major grant. The proposal I used was (to my mind) unique and exciting, but something I'd adapted from a course assignment completed several months previously. I didn't spend a great deal of time modifying it to fit the submission criteria, and I certainly didn't spend hours agonizing over the little details-- what to include, what to omit, this word or that one, this reference here or there.

Additionally, as I've been coming to understand more and more over these past few weeks, I'm still considered very young and rather inexperienced in the field of ecology. I may feel prepared for graduate study, but there are others who have more field seasons accrued, more research experience, more publications, more contacts. And I'm sure there are plenty of people who've applied for the GRF more than one time. There's something to be said for having gone through several rounds of the application process, if for no other reason than the fact that the feedback given by reviewers may prove to be useful to applicants in subsequent years.

On the other hand, I can't help but feel a little cheated. I suppose having received the honorable mention is better than nothing, but, as one of my undergraduate advisers noted, it really seems like runner-up in a beauty contest and no money to write home about. Realistically, it's nothing more than another line on my CV, and in the long run, who's really going to care about that? I think in some ways my disappointment is made all the worse by the fact that so many GRF's were awarded this year. 2000 applicants received fellowships this year-- 752 more than were awarded last year, and 1087 more than were awarded the year before that.

I suppose there's something to be said for having applied. I'm more familiar now with the guidelines for GRF proposals, and I'll be better prepared next year for the formatting, if nothing else.

But, while one round of the application process may increase my awareness for margins and page limits, I'm not sure it has helped my understanding of what exactly reviewers are looking for. My rating sheets, written out by the three individuals that reviewed my proposal and personal statement, simply lacked any sort of constructive criticism, save for one review, which said that my proposed outreach was "a bit vague" and that I could have "developed laboratory methods more fully." Well, let me tell you... If the NSF allowed more than two pages to construct a graduate-level study complete with background information, methods, potential results, scientific and societal impacts, and references, I'd be glad to elaborate on laboratory methods and community outreach. As it is, the topic required a good deal of introductory information to make sure that anyone reviewing would be able to understand the premise of the study. Throw me a bone.

Apart from those two comments by one reviewer, everything else was highly positive. The phrases "exceptional academic background","great GPA and GRE", "outstanding LORs", "strong promise to be one of tomorrow's leaders", "demonstrated leadership", and "good knowledge of the scientific process" all made an appearance in my rating sheets. It may just be me, but those all seem like comments about an award-worthy individual, or at least someone that's well-suited to graduate study. If that's the case, I have trouble seeing why I wasn't one of the lucky 2000, and even more so, why I haven't been accepted to grad school yet. How many people apply for the NSF GRFP every year, anyway?

I will admit, the hardest blow of not having received a GRF came in relation to my applications themselves. I'd convinced myself that having a GRF in hand would greatly increase my chances of acceptance to the three schools from which I hadn't yet heard. In truth, it very well may have paved the way for me to start my graduate studies. But I suppose it's no use dwelling on those thoughts now, and I'll just have to wait and try again next year.