As you might have guessed, I decided not to take the unpaid internship I interviewed for a few weeks ago. After a lot of thought (although not nearly as much as I'd originally anticipated) it was clear that I just couldn't afford to be spending money instead of making it. An incredible experience? Probably. Worth the financial hardship? Unlikely. So for me, it's back to the job boards, to troll for just about anything that will a.) get me some good field experience, b.) increase my potential for graduate school, c.) pay money, and d.) hold my interest for more than three seconds. Or, you know, ideally, several months.
But it's getting harder. Now that we're well into summer in the northern hemisphere, most field projects are already underway, with field technicians having already been hired for the duration of studies. There are a few short-term projects (four to six weeks) looking for help, but for me, right now, it's not worth the effort moving somewhere to find myself jobless again in a month. Every week, one or two jobs looking to hire for the fall or winter pop up, but these are few and far between. I've gone from two or three job applications a day to, at most, one or two every week.
To be perfectly honest, apart from the fact that my current job has little to no relevance to my intended course of study (it'd be a bit of a stretch to link ranch labor to ecology), I'm happy where I'm at right now. I like working with the horses every day. I enjoy making little goals for myself, and seeing my riding and training abilities improve. I like playing, too-- taking Belle to barrel races and gymkhanas, or going out on day-long trail rides. It's not something I think I'd want to do forever (perhaps as a hobby, but not a job), but for right now, I'm not going to be fussed if I have to keep doing it for a while.
Really the only thing that concerns me is the upcoming application season. Will potential graduate advisers frown on the dearth of fieldwork showing up on my CV over the past few months? Will a presentation at a national meeting and (hopefully) a publication in the works be enough to convince them that I'm serious about a PhD program, or do I really need another stint in the field to help secure the deal?
Sometimes, when I'm scrubbing the toilet in the barn or scraping horse poop off the floor, I think to myself, Gee... this is what my bachelor's degree is worth. But other times, going that bit farther into the realm of grad school seems like a monumental effort. Contact advisers, get good GRE scores, start making a name for yourself, apply to school, get rejected, ask questions, re-write application essays, present at a national meeting, try to get a publication, contact professors again, visit schools, apply again, and on, and on, and on.
I really do want to get my PhD. The sciences, and the types of projects I might work on for my dissertation, really excite me. I enjoy fieldwork, and I miss going to school. I want to work in conservation, and try to do what I can to help protect the few remaining vestiges of wilderness and wildlife the planet still has. But sometimes, thinking about applying to grad school again in the fall, and (assuming I'm accepted this time round) the five to seven years of hard work that will follow, really just makes me want to chuck the whole idea and go in for something simpler. Take out a loan, buy a little land, a horse, and a couple hundred goats, and start my own invasive weed removal business. Herd my goats out to other peoples' properties as an eco-friendly way to get rid of noxious and nonnative plant species. Maybe train and sell herding dogs as a sideline business. Simple, effective, profitable, and enjoyable, right?
Not a PhD, no grandiose visions of making a difference, of helping save the world, but some days it almost seems like it'd be worth the trade-off.
1 comment:
You will inevitably look back on these days nostalgically :-) We lived in a farmhouse for a year while I worked a part-time job after SFC before traveling (and grad school). I didn't ever imagine myself as a homemaker until then when all I wanted to do was stay home and can tomatoes. I try to keep some of that pace in my life now as a grad student but the context is quite different.
The time you spent now not in grad school is not wasted. If anything, I suspect you will start grad school with a much clearer vision for what you want to get out of the experience. You also never know what skills as a ranch hand might be useful as a scientist... seriously.
Post a Comment