After I started working with Jet and ran him a couple of times, Marlene approached me about leasing him for the summer. We'd been getting along well and I really enjoyed racing him, so I readily agreed, and we set up a full lease for me through August. So Jet is officially my horse for the summer-- everything from his basic care to his exercise and shoeing is my responsibility. It means that Jet is hands off for everyone else without my permission, and that Debbie and Trina cannot pull him out from under me.
Over the past few weeks I've really begun to enjoy having a horse of my own. Last summer, when I worked with Belle, I wasn't technically leasing her. Not only did her ownership remain Debbie's, but so did her care, so although I rode her most days at work and was allowed to take her to barrel races every other week, she was not my horse. Any time Debbie, Trina, or one of their friends wanted/needed to use her, she became off-limits to me, and at the end of the summer, when their young friend Maya came to stay, I wasn't allowed to ride her at all, and had to stop barrel racing long before the summer circuits ended.
Jet, however, is mine and mine alone, and I can do with him what I please. It's been fantastic so far. Every day I work with him I feel a little bit more confident. I've been learning a lot. If I feel like trail riding, we trail ride. If I think he needs arena work, we work in the arena. If I want to run poles, we run poles. The freedom of having a horse to ride the way I want, instead of doing the basic groundwork and patterns I'm required to do at work, has really made riding fun for me again. If I want to go to a local competition, a barrel race or gymkhana or sorting, all I have to do is hop on and ride him down to the local riding club's arena. We've ridden out on the trail alone, joined up with my best barn friend, Joe, for trail rides, and gone barrel racing every week. We're learning to work together seamlessly, and we trust one another more every day.
Leasing Jet has also packed my schedule. With warm weather firmly in place, I work full days now, and ride Jet every day after work. Most days I leave my apartment not long after dawn and don't get back until dark.
Although I love trail riding and want to try my hand at every horse-related activity I come across, my primary motivation in leasing Jet was to be able to barrel race. Up until last week, I'd run Jet a total of three times. During the first and third runs, I knocked over the second barrel. We were coming in nicely and turning well, but he was turning so sharply I was grazing it with my leg coming off it-- simply an issue with timing on my part. But I had a bigger problem. On all three runs my first barrel was terrible, far too wide and incredibly messy. I couldn't quite work out what I was doing wrong. I just wasn't helping him get around it as I should have.
Finally, last week, the day before our fourth race together, I asked Marlene for a lesson. Although Marlene used to help me often, it's been a long time since I'd had an actual lesson with her. We rarely ride together anymore, as we work different schedules, and I've reached the point in my riding abilities where she and Debbie trust me to work horses alone, without constant supervision and/or guidance. I cannot honestly remember the last time she corrected something in my riding. But as I've started doing more, and I'm now working with a more challenging horse (and working with him exclusively, with no weekly tune-up from Marlene) it's important for me to seek out help.
I asked Marlene to test Jet for soreness, as I was having trouble getting him to take the appropriate lead when loping. We worked for almost an hour and a half, and she identified some things in my riding, general sloppiness, mostly, that, in my limited experience, I'd been unable to recognize, which was allowing Jet to take advantage of the situation. It was nothing serious, but it was was letting Jet develop some (minor) bad habits that was affecting the way he rode. Once she taught me to recognize it, though, I was able to work on correcting it, and get him back to the point where I was fully in control.
The next day, before the race, I concentrated on the exercises she taught me and applying the things I'd learned the day before, trying to keep Jet soft and get him to take his leads correctly, and to stay shaped in the appropriate arc while traveling in circles. When our number came up and it was time for us to race, I let him run and further applied what I'd learned the night before. And Jet turned the first barrel perfectly. Just like that, I'd fixed my biggest problem racing him. We took an entire second off our best race time, and won first place in our division.
I felt so incredible after that run. It seems as if I'm finally figuring him out, and things are falling into place. We're finally starting to get into a groove and work as a team. He's learning that I'm the one doing the driving, and I'm learning how to best support him so he can do his job. After the race was over (and I'd collected my winnings), I told Marlene I wanted to continue having lessons every week the day before races, as it obviously helped! I can only hope that our success continues, and that the way he wrapped that first barrel in our most recent race wasn't just a fluke. I want ALL our runs to feel like that. It was really nice.
Summer is starting to go by very quickly. Every day I look at a calendar and realize how few days actually remain before my move to WCU. I'll be leaving a lot behind; not just Jet, but horseback riding in general. I want to do everything I can to get the most out of my experience with Jet this summer, and I plan on taking advantage of every opportunity I can for us to do something fun together. I know that I'm already a better rider for working with him than I was a few weeks ago, not to mention months ago when I first got on him at work. Hopefully we'll keep having fun throughout the next couple months, and continue to advance in our abilities together. If I have to stop riding, I want to be able to do so knowing that I did everything I could to become the best rider I could with the time that I had.
(Edit: We ran again this week, and took another tenth of a second off our time!)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Learning to Run
Since I hit my teenage years I've cycled through a seasonal shift in body weight, putting on a few pounds over winter, when it's cold and I'm typically more sedentary, and then shedding those pounds (and more) during the summer when the temperatures skyrocket and I spend most days outdoors. But this winter, for some reason, my metabolism must have shifted. I did alright during early winter. I had my fieldwork stint through November and December, and muddled through January without issues.
Sometime around mid-February, however, things changed. I was overcome with a seemingly insatiable appetite. I was hungry. All. The. Time. Perhaps it was brought on by stress about graduate school applications, or a lower tolerance for working outdoors with the horses in frigid temperatures and biting winds. Possibly I was lazier than in previous years, taking advantage of my lack of a social outlet and my hours off by vegging out in front of the television and completely ignoring any semblance of exercise. Maybe it has to do with age. I'm honestly not sure. What I do know is that I could not seem to curb my appetite-- it bothered me nearly constantly, especially in the evenings-- and I ended up eating far more than I should have, on a regular basis.
As a result, I'm now around 8 pounds heavier than an acceptable weight for someone my size, and about 18 pounds heavier than what I see as my ideal weight. It crept up on me, slowly at first, and then more persistently, until one day I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I was not where I needed (or wanted) to be. I no longer have the outlets for exercise I did in college-- the organized sports in which I used to participate during the school year are now out of the equation. There aren't great adult sport leagues in MHT, either.
Once the weather began to warm, I knew I needed to put in some effort to shed this extra weight. I started counting calories and paying better attention to my diet. More fruits, veggies, and protein, and fewer sugary snacks. With the onset of warmer weather, my crazy, inexplicably tormenting hunger seems to have abated. I no longer feel the gnawing emptiness I did throughout the winter that pushed me to eat more than I needed. And though I'm active almost constantly at work-- feeding, grooming, moving, and riding horses, shifting bales of hay, mucking stalls, etc.-- I've still been feeling out of shape. Finally, I decided to start running.
I hate running. HATE. Loathe. Absolutely despise. I ran track in 6th grade, and never wanted to do it again. I despised conditioning in the multitude of other sports I played simply because it involved running. But so many people love running, that I thought I must be missing out on something. I did some research, and read that many people dislike running because they try to do too much, too soon. They become winded too quickly and feel as if they can go no further, or become too sore to want to try again. The key, many articles informed me, was to start slow and work my way up to a regular running schedule.
I found a program called Couch to 5K, or C25K, a 9-week training session intended to take an individual from never having run at all to being able to run for thirty minutes, straight, or 5 km, by cycling through run/walk intervals three times weekly for half an hour. It seemed, to me, reasonable and feasible. I decided to give it a go.
I'm only in my third week now, but thus far I haven't hated it. I won't go as far to say that I've enjoyed it, but it has been easier than I imagined. Despite still having the additional weight to pack around, I haven't been sore since after the second run, and the lung congestion I often get after exercising has dissipated and no longer seems to be a problem. I have had moments where I'm loosely focused, and don't feel the strain at all-- I can almost imagine what some people must feel when they enter that zen-like state of concentration often talked about amongst avid runners.
Who knows how my opinion of running may change as I enter the later stages of the program and start increasing the intervals I run. Hopefully I'll be able to reach the end stage and be able to run for thirty minutes straight, or more. I'd really like to make a habit of it, and continue to run on a regular basis after moving to WCU. It's an easy, effective form of exercise that can be done anywhere, on any schedule. And maybe I'll actually be able to run a 5K someday.
Now if I could only get this damned extra weight off...
Sometime around mid-February, however, things changed. I was overcome with a seemingly insatiable appetite. I was hungry. All. The. Time. Perhaps it was brought on by stress about graduate school applications, or a lower tolerance for working outdoors with the horses in frigid temperatures and biting winds. Possibly I was lazier than in previous years, taking advantage of my lack of a social outlet and my hours off by vegging out in front of the television and completely ignoring any semblance of exercise. Maybe it has to do with age. I'm honestly not sure. What I do know is that I could not seem to curb my appetite-- it bothered me nearly constantly, especially in the evenings-- and I ended up eating far more than I should have, on a regular basis.
As a result, I'm now around 8 pounds heavier than an acceptable weight for someone my size, and about 18 pounds heavier than what I see as my ideal weight. It crept up on me, slowly at first, and then more persistently, until one day I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that I was not where I needed (or wanted) to be. I no longer have the outlets for exercise I did in college-- the organized sports in which I used to participate during the school year are now out of the equation. There aren't great adult sport leagues in MHT, either.
Once the weather began to warm, I knew I needed to put in some effort to shed this extra weight. I started counting calories and paying better attention to my diet. More fruits, veggies, and protein, and fewer sugary snacks. With the onset of warmer weather, my crazy, inexplicably tormenting hunger seems to have abated. I no longer feel the gnawing emptiness I did throughout the winter that pushed me to eat more than I needed. And though I'm active almost constantly at work-- feeding, grooming, moving, and riding horses, shifting bales of hay, mucking stalls, etc.-- I've still been feeling out of shape. Finally, I decided to start running.
I hate running. HATE. Loathe. Absolutely despise. I ran track in 6th grade, and never wanted to do it again. I despised conditioning in the multitude of other sports I played simply because it involved running. But so many people love running, that I thought I must be missing out on something. I did some research, and read that many people dislike running because they try to do too much, too soon. They become winded too quickly and feel as if they can go no further, or become too sore to want to try again. The key, many articles informed me, was to start slow and work my way up to a regular running schedule.
I found a program called Couch to 5K, or C25K, a 9-week training session intended to take an individual from never having run at all to being able to run for thirty minutes, straight, or 5 km, by cycling through run/walk intervals three times weekly for half an hour. It seemed, to me, reasonable and feasible. I decided to give it a go.
I'm only in my third week now, but thus far I haven't hated it. I won't go as far to say that I've enjoyed it, but it has been easier than I imagined. Despite still having the additional weight to pack around, I haven't been sore since after the second run, and the lung congestion I often get after exercising has dissipated and no longer seems to be a problem. I have had moments where I'm loosely focused, and don't feel the strain at all-- I can almost imagine what some people must feel when they enter that zen-like state of concentration often talked about amongst avid runners.
Who knows how my opinion of running may change as I enter the later stages of the program and start increasing the intervals I run. Hopefully I'll be able to reach the end stage and be able to run for thirty minutes straight, or more. I'd really like to make a habit of it, and continue to run on a regular basis after moving to WCU. It's an easy, effective form of exercise that can be done anywhere, on any schedule. And maybe I'll actually be able to run a 5K someday.
Now if I could only get this damned extra weight off...
Monday, June 6, 2011
House Hunt
With just under three months remaining between now and my move to WCU, it's time to start addressing my growing to-do list. Along with tasks like purging, packing, and planning (all while being alliterative), I need to find housing. Although the area to which I'm moving has a decent Craigslist, searching for housing in absentia is never easy. From this distance I am unable to a) find availabilities that aren't listed either on Craigslist or the local classifieds, b) visit and tour properties, c) meet landlords, or d) place a deposit without serious concerns of fraud.
Most of those issues aren't yet too pressing, however, as most properties I've seen advertised are available as summer sublets, or are looking for tenants to move in during June or July. I'm hoping that in the next few weeks I'll start seeing more places available for late August/September. I also have a friend currently living in the area who has offered to visit places on my behalf if I find something suitable.
The biggest problem I'm having right now is pricing. I'm trying to budget on a grad student's stipend, which is less than I make right now as a ranch hand. I'll also be moving to an area of the country that has a notoriously high cost of living. Everything in the place to which I'm moving-- gas, food, rent, insurance-- is far more expensive than in MHT. It's difficult for me to think about making ends meet in a place where I'll be paying more for necessities all while making less money.
Right now, I rent a pretty spacious one bedroom apartment just outside of MHT. I make enough as a ranch hand to cover expenses and put a little bit of money in savings every month. In the area around WCU, even small studio apartments are on the order of 60% more expensive in rent than I pay now. I've been looking into alternative options, mainly bedrooms in shared houses, but without being in the area to check places out and meet potential housemates, there's not a good way for me to get a feel of whether I'd get along in the house. Skype is great, and can provide a decent way to sort-of meet people, but it's no substitute for being physically present.
I've had to find housing in absentia before, when I was getting ready to move to Newcastle, WY. I followed the local classifieds for a couple weeks before something suitable popped up. I called the landlord, who sent me pictures of the place, and luckily agreed to hold it for me, without a down payment, until I moved. Then, I was able to check it out before agreeing to rent and paying the security deposit. It all worked out really well, but likely worked in my favor because of the low population of Newcastle and the dearth of renters coming in. It probably worked in my landlord's favor to hold the place for me. I'm not sure I'll be able to work out something similar when moving to WCU.
If nothing else, most rental agreements I've seen posted in the area of WCU are month-to-month, so even if I have to end up moving in someplace that I don't like, or into a household in which I don't get along, I'll likely only have to stay for a month or two while I find something better.
Most of those issues aren't yet too pressing, however, as most properties I've seen advertised are available as summer sublets, or are looking for tenants to move in during June or July. I'm hoping that in the next few weeks I'll start seeing more places available for late August/September. I also have a friend currently living in the area who has offered to visit places on my behalf if I find something suitable.
The biggest problem I'm having right now is pricing. I'm trying to budget on a grad student's stipend, which is less than I make right now as a ranch hand. I'll also be moving to an area of the country that has a notoriously high cost of living. Everything in the place to which I'm moving-- gas, food, rent, insurance-- is far more expensive than in MHT. It's difficult for me to think about making ends meet in a place where I'll be paying more for necessities all while making less money.
Right now, I rent a pretty spacious one bedroom apartment just outside of MHT. I make enough as a ranch hand to cover expenses and put a little bit of money in savings every month. In the area around WCU, even small studio apartments are on the order of 60% more expensive in rent than I pay now. I've been looking into alternative options, mainly bedrooms in shared houses, but without being in the area to check places out and meet potential housemates, there's not a good way for me to get a feel of whether I'd get along in the house. Skype is great, and can provide a decent way to sort-of meet people, but it's no substitute for being physically present.
I've had to find housing in absentia before, when I was getting ready to move to Newcastle, WY. I followed the local classifieds for a couple weeks before something suitable popped up. I called the landlord, who sent me pictures of the place, and luckily agreed to hold it for me, without a down payment, until I moved. Then, I was able to check it out before agreeing to rent and paying the security deposit. It all worked out really well, but likely worked in my favor because of the low population of Newcastle and the dearth of renters coming in. It probably worked in my landlord's favor to hold the place for me. I'm not sure I'll be able to work out something similar when moving to WCU.
If nothing else, most rental agreements I've seen posted in the area of WCU are month-to-month, so even if I have to end up moving in someplace that I don't like, or into a household in which I don't get along, I'll likely only have to stay for a month or two while I find something better.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Resubmission
I wrote in September that my undergraduate thesis adviser, Walt, and I had submitted a manuscript for publication. The paper made it to and through review, but we heard back a couple months ago that the journal decided not to accept the article. The reviewers' primary reasoning behind the rejection had to do with the geographic scope of the project. As an undergraduate, my project was necessarily limited by time and funding, so the conclusions I can draw from the research aren't as broad as I (or the particular journal to which I submitted the manuscript) would like them to be. Nonetheless, I received some extremely helpful feedback and a good deal of constructive criticism, so I wasn't particularly disappointed about the rejection. It will be the first of many.
At the time, my adviser was out of the country, and it took me several weeks to get in touch with him after he returned. He is notoriously slow at correspondence, especially when it has to do with publications. He told me point blank once that, since he's received tenure, he feels much less pressure to publish. Once I did get hold of him, he suggested we resubmit, but also told me to pick a journal. Now I'm torn-- do I go for a journal that has a higher impact value but a better audience, or a lesser journal that is more regional and thus may have less of an issue with geographic scope?
Regardless of the journal I ultimately choose, it's time for me to go back, edit, and rewrite. There are several things I can take care of without reformatting the article to meet a specific journal's submission guidelines. But after that I have to pick. At this point, I'm having two problems.
First, I don't feel very confident in choosing the journal myself, or with some aspects of the rewrite. I'd really like the opportunity to meet with Walt and ask him how to approach some of the editing. More than anything, I'd like to discuss with him the feedback we received. I know that editing articles, choosing journals, reformatting, etc. are going to be large aspects of my graduate school life, and that I'll often be going it alone. I'd just like to take the opportunity for some guidance while I have it, especially with someone I know well and trust.
Second, I have lost almost every iota of motivation I ever possessed to revisit this particular research. This was a study I completed three years ago now, and I haven't thought much about it or kept up with other relevant work on the subject since I finished writing my thesis. Lately, I haven't even been reading much in the way of the research I'm interested in now, instead slipping into a lazy pattern of pleasure reading and TV marathons. (None of these things bode well for my return to school in the fall. I should really, really try to reclaim some semblance of an academic mindset.) Even though I know I should be rewriting and resubmitting the article as soon as possible, I keep putting it off.
For any of you out there that may still be following this blog, how do you stay motivated to work on something you've been "finished" with for years? What's the best way to approach working on a paper in which you've (more or less) lost interest?
At the time, my adviser was out of the country, and it took me several weeks to get in touch with him after he returned. He is notoriously slow at correspondence, especially when it has to do with publications. He told me point blank once that, since he's received tenure, he feels much less pressure to publish. Once I did get hold of him, he suggested we resubmit, but also told me to pick a journal. Now I'm torn-- do I go for a journal that has a higher impact value but a better audience, or a lesser journal that is more regional and thus may have less of an issue with geographic scope?
Regardless of the journal I ultimately choose, it's time for me to go back, edit, and rewrite. There are several things I can take care of without reformatting the article to meet a specific journal's submission guidelines. But after that I have to pick. At this point, I'm having two problems.
First, I don't feel very confident in choosing the journal myself, or with some aspects of the rewrite. I'd really like the opportunity to meet with Walt and ask him how to approach some of the editing. More than anything, I'd like to discuss with him the feedback we received. I know that editing articles, choosing journals, reformatting, etc. are going to be large aspects of my graduate school life, and that I'll often be going it alone. I'd just like to take the opportunity for some guidance while I have it, especially with someone I know well and trust.
Second, I have lost almost every iota of motivation I ever possessed to revisit this particular research. This was a study I completed three years ago now, and I haven't thought much about it or kept up with other relevant work on the subject since I finished writing my thesis. Lately, I haven't even been reading much in the way of the research I'm interested in now, instead slipping into a lazy pattern of pleasure reading and TV marathons. (None of these things bode well for my return to school in the fall. I should really, really try to reclaim some semblance of an academic mindset.) Even though I know I should be rewriting and resubmitting the article as soon as possible, I keep putting it off.
For any of you out there that may still be following this blog, how do you stay motivated to work on something you've been "finished" with for years? What's the best way to approach working on a paper in which you've (more or less) lost interest?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Cast Party
Last week was Trina's high school graduation. Although she technically 'graduated' at semester, having accrued enough credits to obtain her diploma, she held off getting the award so that she could attend the ceremonies and celebrate with her friends. She took full advantage of the opportunity-- family members came in from out of town and did touristy things (and bombarded the barn with requests for cart rides and horseback lessons); Trina bragged about the amount of money she'd received (everybody from her obscure not-quite-uncle in Colorado to the person Debbie pays to balance her checkbook every week sent something); gradation itself, with all the pomp and circumstance and dressing up and photographs; and to cap the week off, a party held at the house for Trina with at least 50 people in attendance (which I admittedly enjoyed, although I ended up working 14 hours straight that day).
At one point during the party, I found myself chatting with a woman named Irene, who has served as Trina's English tutor during her high school career, much as I've worked with Trina in all her science subjects. We were looking around at all the people in the room and taking note of just how many played some sort of role in helping Trina get through high school. Irene and English, me and science, another woman and math; Marlene, keeping the horses fit and trained; Joe, mucking out stalls and maintaining the grounds every day so each of those 14 horses remains healthy; another woman, Trina's personal trainer. A massage therapist, a nutritionist, a house cleaner, the guy that changes the oil in her car. All the privileges afforded to her by staggering affluence.
We asked ourselves, what kind of person would Trina be had she not had these people around her? How would her personality differ if she had to get up every morning and feed her own animals, clean the horses' stalls, and make sure they were properly exercised every day? How would her high school career have differed if she'd been responsible for taking good notes in class, asking the teacher questions if she didn't understand the material, studying for tests on her own? What would it be like if she had to set her alarm clock and get herself up and ready every morning, clean her own room, exercise on a regular schedule, feed her dog, and do chores around the house?
The sad part about that party was, that although it showed an enormous amount of support in the people around her, it also highlighted just how much she's missing. Because at 18 years of age and having graduated from high school, Trina is no more independent, responsible, determined, goal-oriented, mature, or prepared for college than an average middle school student.
So where Debbie thought she was helping Trina by providing unending support in the form of hordes of people to assist her every need, she's actually done Trina a huge disservice. Trina can do nothing for herself. She possesses neither the self-confidence and independence, nor the will to try. And that's a huge shame, because she's a relatively intelligent kid, and probably could have been headed places, had she just been given some basic responsibility and discipline.
I haven't thought about my own high school graduation in years. Probably not since I actually graduated from high school, which seems as if it were eons ago now. I dug up some old pictures this weekend from that year. I don't remember where I was in a lot of them, and I've long since forgotten the names of a lot of the people I was with. But I do remember that I had goals, and that I was looking forward to the future. I was planning on working full-time over the summer at the job I'd worked part-time all year, and the summer before that. I was going to go biking every day. I was headed to CLAS in the fall. I was going to major in biology, or studio art, or something similarly interesting. I was going to live away from home for the first time and become best friends with my roommate and learn to play a new sport.
I didn't manage to do everything I'd planned (I hardly biked at all that summer, and I ended up disliking my roommate a great deal). But I had a plan. Expectations for the future. Something to work toward.
So sitting at that party with Irene, looking at all the people who have pushed and prodded and dragged and tugged Trina toward success, I think we both realized the same thing. The party, although intended for Trina, was really more for us-- a celebration of our own successes making sure she passed her classes or had horses trained to run fast or had a well-maintained vehicle to drive around. Because although Trina now has a high school diploma for her mom to hang on the wall, we're the ones that made it through high school. Trina may be the headliner, but the cast made the production a success. And with the curtain down and the audience headed home, Trina is left without any aspirations for the future, because she's never had to do anything for herself, so she just doesn't know what it's like.
Although there will still be plenty of people around (at Debbie's will) to push and prod and drag and tug Trina toward whatever might come next, Trina will still be left empty-handed, the person at the center of the party who is-and-yet-isn't the cause for celebration. Everyone needs help sometimes, but it's been shoved down Trina's throat since day one. She's never had the opportunity to try something unassisted. She's never been given a solo act, so she doesn't know how to stand alone.
And I kind of feel sorry for her.
At one point during the party, I found myself chatting with a woman named Irene, who has served as Trina's English tutor during her high school career, much as I've worked with Trina in all her science subjects. We were looking around at all the people in the room and taking note of just how many played some sort of role in helping Trina get through high school. Irene and English, me and science, another woman and math; Marlene, keeping the horses fit and trained; Joe, mucking out stalls and maintaining the grounds every day so each of those 14 horses remains healthy; another woman, Trina's personal trainer. A massage therapist, a nutritionist, a house cleaner, the guy that changes the oil in her car. All the privileges afforded to her by staggering affluence.
We asked ourselves, what kind of person would Trina be had she not had these people around her? How would her personality differ if she had to get up every morning and feed her own animals, clean the horses' stalls, and make sure they were properly exercised every day? How would her high school career have differed if she'd been responsible for taking good notes in class, asking the teacher questions if she didn't understand the material, studying for tests on her own? What would it be like if she had to set her alarm clock and get herself up and ready every morning, clean her own room, exercise on a regular schedule, feed her dog, and do chores around the house?
The sad part about that party was, that although it showed an enormous amount of support in the people around her, it also highlighted just how much she's missing. Because at 18 years of age and having graduated from high school, Trina is no more independent, responsible, determined, goal-oriented, mature, or prepared for college than an average middle school student.
So where Debbie thought she was helping Trina by providing unending support in the form of hordes of people to assist her every need, she's actually done Trina a huge disservice. Trina can do nothing for herself. She possesses neither the self-confidence and independence, nor the will to try. And that's a huge shame, because she's a relatively intelligent kid, and probably could have been headed places, had she just been given some basic responsibility and discipline.
I haven't thought about my own high school graduation in years. Probably not since I actually graduated from high school, which seems as if it were eons ago now. I dug up some old pictures this weekend from that year. I don't remember where I was in a lot of them, and I've long since forgotten the names of a lot of the people I was with. But I do remember that I had goals, and that I was looking forward to the future. I was planning on working full-time over the summer at the job I'd worked part-time all year, and the summer before that. I was going to go biking every day. I was headed to CLAS in the fall. I was going to major in biology, or studio art, or something similarly interesting. I was going to live away from home for the first time and become best friends with my roommate and learn to play a new sport.
I didn't manage to do everything I'd planned (I hardly biked at all that summer, and I ended up disliking my roommate a great deal). But I had a plan. Expectations for the future. Something to work toward.
So sitting at that party with Irene, looking at all the people who have pushed and prodded and dragged and tugged Trina toward success, I think we both realized the same thing. The party, although intended for Trina, was really more for us-- a celebration of our own successes making sure she passed her classes or had horses trained to run fast or had a well-maintained vehicle to drive around. Because although Trina now has a high school diploma for her mom to hang on the wall, we're the ones that made it through high school. Trina may be the headliner, but the cast made the production a success. And with the curtain down and the audience headed home, Trina is left without any aspirations for the future, because she's never had to do anything for herself, so she just doesn't know what it's like.
Although there will still be plenty of people around (at Debbie's will) to push and prod and drag and tug Trina toward whatever might come next, Trina will still be left empty-handed, the person at the center of the party who is-and-yet-isn't the cause for celebration. Everyone needs help sometimes, but it's been shoved down Trina's throat since day one. She's never had the opportunity to try something unassisted. She's never been given a solo act, so she doesn't know how to stand alone.
And I kind of feel sorry for her.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Debut
Despite my misgivings about the sincerity of their offer, Debbie and Trina for once stayed true to their word, and I had my first barrel race with Jet last week. It. Was. AWESOME. It's been such a long time since I've been racing (I think my last race with Belle was at the end of July or early August last year) that I'd almost forgotten how fun it is. And Jet is a blast to ride-- he's much more powerful than Belle, and far faster around the turns.
I was a little nervous about getting him in the gate, as his power tends to get the best of his rider and he occasionally decides it's up to him to do the driving. But Jet and I have been working together long enough now that all he needed was a little reminder from me up front ("Oh. You're still in control. Okay. I'll chill, then.") and he was great. He's a smooth runner, and so, despite my nerves, once we got going I was able to settle in and focus on what I needed to do to keep our turns sharp. With (mostly) good results. I netted my fastest time by far (attributable to his speed rather than anything I did), but I do really need to work on my first barrel and my timing.
Still, improvement comes with practice, and Debbie and Trina have yet (even now) to change their minds, so it looks as if I'll have plenty of time this summer to work on things with him. I know I'll always have to be prepared to lose him unexpectedly, as around here, things change rapidly and with little reason. But I'm slowly becoming more confident that he really will be all mine for the next few months. I already have plans for the coming weekend with him, and a few other jackpot races coming up in the next couple weeks. I'm also starting to envision other fun things for us to do-- trail rides, sorting practices, and maybe some light cattle work now and then.
I've been so happy the past few days, thinking about our first race together, how awesome it felt to be on a much higher-caliber barrel horse than those I've ridden before, and looking forward to racing on a regular basis again. This may very well be my last opportunity for a long while to horseback ride with any regularity, so I plan on making the most of it.
Summer, here I come! And Jet? He's coming with me.
I was a little nervous about getting him in the gate, as his power tends to get the best of his rider and he occasionally decides it's up to him to do the driving. But Jet and I have been working together long enough now that all he needed was a little reminder from me up front ("Oh. You're still in control. Okay. I'll chill, then.") and he was great. He's a smooth runner, and so, despite my nerves, once we got going I was able to settle in and focus on what I needed to do to keep our turns sharp. With (mostly) good results. I netted my fastest time by far (attributable to his speed rather than anything I did), but I do really need to work on my first barrel and my timing.
Still, improvement comes with practice, and Debbie and Trina have yet (even now) to change their minds, so it looks as if I'll have plenty of time this summer to work on things with him. I know I'll always have to be prepared to lose him unexpectedly, as around here, things change rapidly and with little reason. But I'm slowly becoming more confident that he really will be all mine for the next few months. I already have plans for the coming weekend with him, and a few other jackpot races coming up in the next couple weeks. I'm also starting to envision other fun things for us to do-- trail rides, sorting practices, and maybe some light cattle work now and then.
I've been so happy the past few days, thinking about our first race together, how awesome it felt to be on a much higher-caliber barrel horse than those I've ridden before, and looking forward to racing on a regular basis again. This may very well be my last opportunity for a long while to horseback ride with any regularity, so I plan on making the most of it.
Summer, here I come! And Jet? He's coming with me.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Jet Set
In another strange, yet not entirely unexpected, change of circumstances on the ranch (which occur here rather more often than should be realistic), the proprietors of the business have decided that, since I'm off to graduate school in just four months, I really should have the opportunity to barrel race this summer, if I so choose.
Oh, I most definitely choose.
Just as quickly as Debbie and Marlene decided I could not use Louis (at Trina's whim, of course), they altered their intentions for their other available horses, creating new opportunities for me. Alright, that may not be entirely true. In all actuality, the lease on Jet fell through, and Trina is no longer interested in using Morgan, since she has Durango now, and recently purchased Bud, a futurity horse, with which to work. That leaves two well-bred, competitive western speed horses on the ranch being maintained for performance without actually being used to perform.
The upshot of all that is, this morning Marlene called me into the office and offered me use of both Morgan and Jet for the summer. I credit myself with a great deal of self control for not having laughed aloud at her proposal. Just a few days ago, I had been assured that there was no chance of me using even one of their good performance horses this summer. Now they're offering two?
It seems this time, however, I have reason to be cautiously optimistic. The benefit of them offering me the use of two horses (as opposed to one) is that, should Trina pitch a fit and decide she wants to claim one of them, again, as hers and hers alone, that should still leave one horse remaining for me to use. And I happen to like both horses a great deal, and have no overwhelming preference for one over the other.
I told them I'd start off with Jet. Although he's harder to control than Morgan and requires more finesse in handling, I've been working with him longer and have a better feel for him. Marlene did tell me, however, that even if I do decided to use Jet, there should be no reason why I couldn't race him one week and take Morgan the next, or take Jet to a race and Morgan to a gymkhana, or vice versa.
Jet is also a (somewhat) more secure choice. Although Trina still has lingering interest in riding Jet, the likelihood of him becoming suddenly 'off-limits' to me is smaller than with Morgan. First, they're in the process of attempting to breed Morgan. Assuming the pregnancy takes, although she'll still be able to run for many months, I imagine they'll want to be careful with her, and not push her too hard. Debbie, in particular, will likely become neurotic about her health and physical capabilities.
Second, they will never sell Jet. Marlene is too taken with him-- if they ever decide they don't want him on the ranch, Marlene will make sure she can purchase him. Morgan, on the other hand, will likely be sold at some point. If she does become pregnant they might choose to keep her for a brood mare. Otherwise, she is too solid a horse to be left around jobless. If they can't get her pregnant they'll move her on to another home. It may take months (or even years) for that to happen, but not necessarily. Should the right buyer come along, and the opportunity arises for her to go to a good family that will care for her properly, they would most certainly sell her-- even if it meant breaking a lease with me in the middle of the summer.
So Jet it is, tentatively, although I imagine I'll ask to try them both out at first. Perhaps I'll even trade back and forth for a time, because I really do like the two of them equally. If neither is being used, they should have no qualms with me working them both over the summer. Twice the number of horses should equal twice the opportunity for fun, right?
It is important to note that this could, of course, change immediately in the course of the next week or month (or day). If I've gained anything from this job, it has come in the form of a great deal of flexibility and nearly limitless patience. Which does, occasionally, pay off. I'll have a horse for the summer after all!
Oh, I most definitely choose.
Just as quickly as Debbie and Marlene decided I could not use Louis (at Trina's whim, of course), they altered their intentions for their other available horses, creating new opportunities for me. Alright, that may not be entirely true. In all actuality, the lease on Jet fell through, and Trina is no longer interested in using Morgan, since she has Durango now, and recently purchased Bud, a futurity horse, with which to work. That leaves two well-bred, competitive western speed horses on the ranch being maintained for performance without actually being used to perform.
The upshot of all that is, this morning Marlene called me into the office and offered me use of both Morgan and Jet for the summer. I credit myself with a great deal of self control for not having laughed aloud at her proposal. Just a few days ago, I had been assured that there was no chance of me using even one of their good performance horses this summer. Now they're offering two?
It seems this time, however, I have reason to be cautiously optimistic. The benefit of them offering me the use of two horses (as opposed to one) is that, should Trina pitch a fit and decide she wants to claim one of them, again, as hers and hers alone, that should still leave one horse remaining for me to use. And I happen to like both horses a great deal, and have no overwhelming preference for one over the other.
I told them I'd start off with Jet. Although he's harder to control than Morgan and requires more finesse in handling, I've been working with him longer and have a better feel for him. Marlene did tell me, however, that even if I do decided to use Jet, there should be no reason why I couldn't race him one week and take Morgan the next, or take Jet to a race and Morgan to a gymkhana, or vice versa.
Jet is also a (somewhat) more secure choice. Although Trina still has lingering interest in riding Jet, the likelihood of him becoming suddenly 'off-limits' to me is smaller than with Morgan. First, they're in the process of attempting to breed Morgan. Assuming the pregnancy takes, although she'll still be able to run for many months, I imagine they'll want to be careful with her, and not push her too hard. Debbie, in particular, will likely become neurotic about her health and physical capabilities.
Second, they will never sell Jet. Marlene is too taken with him-- if they ever decide they don't want him on the ranch, Marlene will make sure she can purchase him. Morgan, on the other hand, will likely be sold at some point. If she does become pregnant they might choose to keep her for a brood mare. Otherwise, she is too solid a horse to be left around jobless. If they can't get her pregnant they'll move her on to another home. It may take months (or even years) for that to happen, but not necessarily. Should the right buyer come along, and the opportunity arises for her to go to a good family that will care for her properly, they would most certainly sell her-- even if it meant breaking a lease with me in the middle of the summer.
So Jet it is, tentatively, although I imagine I'll ask to try them both out at first. Perhaps I'll even trade back and forth for a time, because I really do like the two of them equally. If neither is being used, they should have no qualms with me working them both over the summer. Twice the number of horses should equal twice the opportunity for fun, right?
It is important to note that this could, of course, change immediately in the course of the next week or month (or day). If I've gained anything from this job, it has come in the form of a great deal of flexibility and nearly limitless patience. Which does, occasionally, pay off. I'll have a horse for the summer after all!
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